Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

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SophiaStafford
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by SophiaStafford »

Jaberwocky wrote:I would skip Socrates and use the Darwin point of view: "Survival of the fittest"
Continuing from what I just said, Again, this is why I think Nietzsche is the beginning of all modern knowledge. Not that he, the individual, is particularly great-- it's not that he is the only person to have realized certain truths-- people before and after him have realized the same things. But he was at the right place and the right time that certain ideas are known as "Nietzschean" instead of some other philosopher.

How are humans different from the other creatures that have lived on this planet? _Some_ of us, just a few, can see the game we are in, and change the very nature of the game. In a sense, all animals are slaves to their own natures, but a tiny few humans can consciously change themselves and those around them.
Jaberwocky wrote:Aware that (most of the time) both parents feel the urge to care for their children, you could say that children are superiour to us men and women! We mere mortals are only battling on the background for the second place.
Perfect example. Most fundamental law of nature-- the maternal instinct to procreate and sacrifice for your child. This is literally deified in Catholicism-- the virginal mother-goddess Mary-- a mother so self-sacrificing that she didn't even have pleasure of intercourse.

It's our nature. We are wired to be parents. We are wired to procreate and to care for our children. From a biological point of view, this is the "truest" purpose of our lives-- to find a mate and become a parent.

Except for me. I cut the strings. I shall not be nature's slave. I ensure that my pleasure exists only for my pleasure-- it will never be subverted to create new life. I was not made by a god or by a process-- I made me. I created myself. My life is a vast opera, and I am composer, conductor, and star.

....

And with a little help from me, even the weak can over come their biological wiring for parenthood by letting me overpower their biological wiring for sexuality. How many times have guys sabotaged a chance for domestic bliss with someone who might be "in their league" just to receive abusive attention from someone who is far far out of their league.

This is one of the many reasons that I think dominant women, myself included, sometimes enjoy destroying a submissive male's vanilla relationship. There's a lot of varied types of joy in that, but one of the many is watching a guy actively choose abuse from me over sex with his wife or gf.

It's hilarious, and it's hot.

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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by SophiaStafford »

dark wrote: Ok I could write a 10.000 word post about this topic since I am researching about for years.
Indeed. A great post indeed. I'll disagree with you on multiple points, but it's still quite thought-provoking and helpful at clarifying where our worldviews diverge.

dark wrote:Let me state clear that any smart sounding quotes are never helpful in a discussion based on facts.
a
Indeed. Pithy comments illustrate and highlight truth which are known but not recognized-- they don't prove facts.
dark wrote:I agree most religions abused the rights of women (still do) and depressed their potential.
You say that as if a religion is a conscious being-- it is not. Women, and males, oppressed themselves through their clinging to religion. Being truly human is a scary proposition. The true "will to power" is rare-- most people have a slave morality-- they NEED to submit. They would rather submit to a potentially imaginary being than live their own lives. This is true of women and males.
dark wrote:If you look at examples in the western world also women abuse power. You Sophia are a great example, since your profile declares one of your hobbies is "Life Destruction".
Of course. And to the extent that I destroy, it's because people NEEDED me to destroy. Indeed, the numbers emails begging for destruction far far far outnumber any level of destruction I could ever personally inflict. A Kali is much in demand these days.

dark wrote:Back to your quote. Why is it inferior to "buy drinks" for women, to treat them well, to protect them, to spoil them?
Well, I suppose if you want to define the powerful and the weak to be "equal" by some standard of your own, that's your prerogative. For me, powerfulness and superiority are so intertwined that it's hard for me to fathom anyone seriously debating the point.

To illustrate--- which one of these creatures is superior? Kate Winslet or a garden slug? Photos, just in case you need refresher:

Image
Image

Now, everyone agrees that Kate Winslet is more powerful than a single garden slug. She could, for example, easily kill the garden slug, while the garden slug could certainly never kill her.

Now, from God's point of view or a pagan point of view or a spiritual point of view, maybe these two creatures are "equal". Perhaps they both contribute to a cycle of life, perhaps that both play vital roles. Perhaps, in the grand scheme of things, the most important thing kate winslet will ever do is exhale, so that the atmosphere can maintain the right sorts of gases. Maybe they are, in some esoteric way, "equal".

But I'm not god, I'm not an alien, I'm human. I know that most males would sacrifice greatly to kiss Kate Winslet and I know that most people are repulsed by a slug.

So is it within humans. Some people _are_ attractive, some people _are_ repulsive. Lots of people want to BE me or to be near me-- but how many people want to be a slug (or its human equivalent)??
Our universe is not based on destroying to survive it's about symbiosis of energy to survive for a longer period. Surviving is not the strongest but the fittest.
Surviving isn't the point. By the measure of survival, everyone fails.
Procreation isn't the point-- what does it really matter to me whether my great great great grandchildren conquer your great great great grandchildren? What does it matter to me if my long-distant offspring die off, while your distant offspring prosper? I do not live in the future, I do not live in the past, I do not live on the scale of planets or circles of lives.

I am here.
I am now.

And it's up to me to decide what I want to do, what I want to create, what I want to destroy, what I want to communicate, what I want to enlighten, what I want to obfuscate.

You can even take this example and scale it down to a normal relationship between a man and a woman. A healthy relationship is exactly like that. Both are giving up something to get something better they couldn't get alone.
First and foremost-- "healthy" is very very loaded. Deciding what is and is not "healthy" is a difficult thing. And then, deciding that "healthy" is better or somehow "moral"-- that's another big leap.

After all, all my 'relationships' could meet that definition. They give up some things-- freedom, independence of thought, emotional stability. I give up something too-- I give up my time. I choose to spend time with someone who, normally, I would never meet. In return, they get to be near me, they get to obey me, they get to become something better than the otherwise would be. I, on the other hand, get to have more enjoyment than I might otherwise had-- whether that enjoyment is the hot, spiciness of rage, the comedy of humiliation, the pride of total control, or something even more carnal-- we both give up something, we both get something better in return.


Since your attitude is to destruct, to rule, to win, I am shameless now and tell you my opinion is this attitude is inferior. No matter if a woman or a man adopts it. It's an attitude of destruction, not of creating.
Well, if we're going to be technical and philosophical, what I call "Life Destruction" is less about pure destruction and is actually more of a transformation.

Pure destruction might best be symbolized by people who are sufficiently unamusing that they are banned from future interactions with me. The universe will continue for me, but they, for all intense and purposes, no longer inhabit it.

What I call "Life Destruction" is closer to a religious experience-- sacrificing _everything_ for a superior being, offering up EVERYTHING on the altar to this being, eager for them to take whatever will please them.

And of course, often I don't go through the trouble to _really_ take EVERYTHING-- too timeconsuming. It's enough to take a few things, so they know it's not a game, and then watch as the flood of offerings still comes. Virtual whole phonebooks come if you even hint you might like to speak with people in their lives. Customized humiliating pictures just for mom and dad. Dirt on the boss that only one employee would know about. on and on.

It's rare to actually _take_ all that is offered-- destruction doesn't have to be complete. What's hot is knowing that someone has GIVEN their life to you. They will sacrifice ANYTHING. Actually bothing to take everything-- that's an afterthought. You ahve to destroy some sectors of life to make sure the sacrifice is sincere, of course, but the pleasant part is knowing you have that level of control.

After all, even the hebrew god demanded Abraham sacrifice his beloved son Isaac-- but upon seeing that Abraham WAS willing, no need to actually destroy Isaac-- it's was hot enough for god that Abraham would submit to that demand. <grin> So who am I to resist similar temptations when given similar powers? After all-- are we not created in god's image?

The point is, destruction is all part of transformation. Life sculpting probably would be a better term than mere life destruction-- but the destruction part is sufficiently enjoyable that it makes a better catch phrase that underscores my orientation more than mere "sculpting" would.

And of course, lest I seem like someone who's been operating out of a dungeon for 15 years, do remember, I actually _am_ very inexperienced in a lot of these things. When my grandiosity gets going, I can talk about things as if there are hundreds of people whose lives have been irrevocably changed by me. But the fact is, I'm still working on an undergrad degree, I only recently "came out" as kinky to all my friends, family's still in the dark, and all the people who I have done my little "life destruction" on have been people I've known in person, less than ten individuals in total I'd say-- give or take what you want to call destruction. So, don't build me up into too much of a supreme monster or anything. At the end of the day, no matter how many people I hurt, I still come home and spoil my beloved cat, who gets far more meals than a normal cat really deserves. :)

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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by georgecuck »

SophiaStafford wrote:
After all, even the hebrew god demanded Abraham sacrifice his beloved son Isaac-- but upon seeing that Abraham WAS willing, no need to actually destroy Isaac-- it's was hot enough for god that Abraham would submit to that demand. <grin>

Sophia
I think Sophia would not be able to get away with such posts were she not so smart and witty (I loved the above comment).

I once read that 'you cant argue with a belly laugh or an erection' and Sophia's posts give me both, lending some credence to her arguments
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by SophiaStafford »

georgecuck wrote:
SophiaStafford wrote:
After all, even the hebrew god demanded Abraham sacrifice his beloved son Isaac-- but upon seeing that Abraham WAS willing, no need to actually destroy Isaac-- it's was hot enough for god that Abraham would submit to that demand. <grin>

Sophia
I think Sophia would not be able to get away with such posts were she not so smart and witty (I loved the above comment).

I once read that 'you cant argue with a belly laugh or an erection' and Sophia's posts give me both, lending some credence to her arguments
My thanks. But you have to admit, there's something very BDSMy about the Abrahamic religions. I could talk about this at length. Perhaps at some point I will.

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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by ejgs42 »

As a response to the original question: I always thought it was some Freudian reaction-formation sort-of thing. I'm the "strong independent woman" type in general, but by the end of the day sometimes I'd like to just let someone else make the calls.

Which of course brings up the part that I find MOST attractive about BDSM relationships: trust. I want someone that is not only willing to, at least some days, take up the mantle of control, but also someone I TRUST to be intelligent and good-willed enough to do so and steer me right.

As the conversation went on, I have to say: I was never much of Nietzsche girl (perhaps because I'm not much of a spelling girl, either), but I may try to push through some more of his heavier stuff this summer.
I love talking about feminism and queer theory and basically anything else. If you share my interests I'm always looking for a conversation partner!
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by dark »

I am just sad I wasn't able to answer Sophia until today. Her well though post deserved an answer :-( My job keeps me busy with too much work. I hope I can still answer it. And Indigo I think like you, but we already had some intelectual threads here.
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by Dan »

Indigo wrote:I will also say for the record, that it's nice to have another intelligent woman around, with the loss of so many over the past year or so. It's nice to see a revitalization of interest in the site!
I'd echo this for all the Milovana ladies - Miss Jay, Mistress D, Arianna and all the others who take the time to contribute! :-)
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by kevins »

I gradually became submission as an adult (in my late 30s).

I really think it just happened out of boredom: I thought it would be more interesting to let someone else control sex.
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by choice »

I've always been into submission, but the reasons weren't clear up until recently.

I found out that it's not the actual submission part that turns me on, but rather knowing that the dom is really into controlling and manipulating me. For some reason I love the idea of a sadistic girl that likes to cause suffering, tease, and deny a sub to the point of so much desperation she can get them to do almost anything for her; a girl that totally gets off on power. My pleasure is directly correlated to her pleasure. If submission is what she wants, then that's what she gets. To that end, though, I do expect a certain amount of trust with the dom.
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by slavejames »

I would like to share my answer to the original question. It seems that evryone here has posted a response indicating that their desire to be submissive started when they were young. I am no different.

As a kid, I always enjoyed tie-up-games with friends. I would always try to arrange the game where I was taken prisoner and mildly tortured somehow.

One book that really "turned me on" when I read it was "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" Especially the part where the evil wich and her dwarf slave tie up Edmond and take him on a forced march through the forest. I would find myself reading that part of the story over and over again.

This is my first post. I have been a lurker here for a while. I love the teases here, especially the ones that invole bondage.

I hope to get to know some of you better.
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by BoredOMK17 »

I was submissive since I was a little kid.
I used to like when the girls wouldn't let me play with them.
I used to like when they would tease me and make fun of me.
I used to lock myself in my bathroom and pretend that some cute girl wouldn't let me out.
I remember I used to lay on my stomach and I'd have to go pee, and I'd fantasize that a cute girl wouldn't allow me to get up and I'd just lay there getting hornier and hornier.

Then I hit middle school and I started enjoying the girls whispering and giggling about me.
I was listening to a radio show about foot fetish and thats how I caught that bug...
Milovana has introduced me to a whole slew of weird fetishes... lol thanks alot. :-P

and now that I'm legal age I'm more submissive than ever and I can't get enough.
But sometimes I wish I wasn't... Especially when I feel like I'm never going to meet a girl that understands.
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by sub3604 »

SophiaStafford wrote:I have a question I'd enjoy hearing from many different answers on. How did you 'get' to be submissive? Were you always that way? Did you grow into it? Or was there a distinct event in your life where you learned you were submissive? Most interesting, to me-- any there anyone who became submissive because they met someone dominant who decided to "make" them submissive?

I really enjoy doing the latter, but of course, I can never be completely sure they weren't already submissive to begin with.

Sophia

firstly I do not understand what you mean by "get" this way it makes it sound like there is something wrong with being a sub. But I believe some people are born submissive and have a growing need for it as they get though puberty and some people just try there hand to it and like it. I was born a sub and fought against it until finally I let that side of me out.

No dominant can "make" a person submissive or even make a sub submit But then this is the same for Dominants we who are just the other side of the same coin
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by ordered »

It depends, since everyone has a somewhat different definition of exactly what a Sub is. I've always enjoyed giving pleasure to my partner before myself. I don't mind being "used" for sex, but I want to make sure she understands "sex" is not a "relationship" in and of itself- I will pleasure her because she wants me to, but if we're to be a couple that just has to develop over time. I've always been turned on by a woman who is willing to tell me what she wants, and ASK me to perform it... as opposed to being leashed and forced to do things I want to do anyway. I'm more discriminating when it comes to men, he has to be good-looking AND have a great personality. And I'm not really open to the idea of having a long term boyfriend, although the act of sex for pleasure is HOT!! anyway you look at it!

But back to your question, I didn't know it was possible to make someone submissive, at least by my definition. Sure, you can make someone do things they don't want to do, you make someone play the role of a sub, you can even make someone declare their faith and submission to you... But that's not how I personally define a submissive. As a sub, I prefer to find someone who is inherently a Top to hang with for awhile and see what naturally occurs...
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by casey »

this is in the nature of a general reply

I was doing a tease the other day and the story changed to include castration. Now real castration would be monstrous and terrifying, so why the erotic appeal? It took a good bit of thinking until it struck me ~ vulnerability was the clue.

to the question proper ~

I am guessing the domme/sub relationship is closer to our ‘ideal’ relationship than any other substitute. Put aside paraphernalia and games, it all about trust and vulnerability.

The deeper the trust a relationship can develop, the deeper the vulnerability, and the deeper the vulnerability the more erotic energy is available. we close up psychically and physically when not feeling safe.

But I have a return question ~ what does the domme get out of it? If it’s just a sadistic thrill that seems a poor return for the eroticism the sub gets. Where on the trust/vulnerability/charge/release journey does she get to cum?
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Re: Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

Post by cbtmeplease »

For the most part I have been in positions of leadership. I haven't put too much thought into it but I know that through my life experience I am definitely an Alpha Male. I am not bragging or complaining about being an Alpha Male. It just is what it is. When I was much younger and reading some erotica for the first time I ended up reading some stories which involved dominant women and submissive males. I don't know why or care but those were the stories that fascinated and aroused me like no other stories. Perhaps it is the relinquishing of control that turns me on? My first lover once tied me to her bed and had her way with me. I craved more of that type of play then and I still do crave that sort of play to this day. My current lover enjoys many sexual activities and for that I am grateful and happy.
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