Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

[choice]

I've always been into submission, but the reasons weren't clear up until recently.

I found out that it's not the actual submission part that turns me on, but rather knowing that the dom is really into controlling and manipulating me. For some reason I love the idea of a sadistic girl that likes to cause suffering, tease, and deny a sub to the point of so much desperation she can get them to do almost anything for her; a girl that totally gets off on power. My pleasure is directly correlated to her pleasure. If submission is what she wants, then that's what she gets. To that end, though, I do expect a certain amount of trust with the dom.

[slavejames]

I would like to share my answer to the original question. It seems that evryone here has posted a response indicating that their desire to be submissive started when they were young. I am no different.

As a kid, I always enjoyed tie-up-games with friends. I would always try to arrange the game where I was taken prisoner and mildly tortured somehow.

One book that really "turned me on" when I read it was "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" Especially the part where the evil wich and her dwarf slave tie up Edmond and take him on a forced march through the forest. I would find myself reading that part of the story over and over again.

This is my first post. I have been a lurker here for a while. I love the teases here, especially the ones that invole bondage.

I hope to get to know some of you better.

[BoredOMK17]

I was submissive since I was a little kid.
I used to like when the girls wouldn't let me play with them.
I used to like when they would tease me and make fun of me.
I used to lock myself in my bathroom and pretend that some cute girl wouldn't let me out.
I remember I used to lay on my stomach and I'd have to go pee, and I'd fantasize that a cute girl wouldn't allow me to get up and I'd just lay there getting hornier and hornier.

Then I hit middle school and I started enjoying the girls whispering and giggling about me.
I was listening to a radio show about foot fetish and thats how I caught that bug...
Milovana has introduced me to a whole slew of weird fetishes... lol thanks alot.

and now that I'm legal age I'm more submissive than ever and I can't get enough.
But sometimes I wish I wasn't... Especially when I feel like I'm never going to meet a girl that understands.

[sub3604]

I have a question I'd enjoy hearing from many different answers on. How did you 'get' to be submissive? Were you always that way? Did you grow into it? Or was there a distinct event in your life where you learned you were submissive? Most interesting, to me-- any there anyone who became submissive because they met someone dominant who decided to "make" them submissive?

I really enjoy doing the latter, but of course, I can never be completely sure they weren't already submissive to begin with.

Sophia

firstly I do not understand what you mean by "get" this way it makes it sound like there is something wrong with being a sub. But I believe some people are born submissive and have a growing need for it as they get though puberty and some people just try there hand to it and like it. I was born a sub and fought against it until finally I let that side of me out.

No dominant can "make" a person submissive or even make a sub submit But then this is the same for Dominants we who are just the other side of the same coin

[ordered]

It depends, since everyone has a somewhat different definition of exactly what a Sub is. I've always enjoyed giving pleasure to my partner before myself. I don't mind being "used" for sex, but I want to make sure she understands "sex" is not a "relationship" in and of itself- I will pleasure her because she wants me to, but if we're to be a couple that just has to develop over time. I've always been turned on by a woman who is willing to tell me what she wants, and ASK me to perform it... as opposed to being leashed and forced to do things I want to do anyway. I'm more discriminating when it comes to men, he has to be good-looking AND have a great personality. And I'm not really open to the idea of having a long term boyfriend, although the act of sex for pleasure is HOT!! anyway you look at it!

But back to your question, I didn't know it was possible to make someone submissive, at least by my definition. Sure, you can make someone do things they don't want to do, you make someone play the role of a sub, you can even make someone declare their faith and submission to you... But that's not how I personally define a submissive. As a sub, I prefer to find someone who is inherently a Top to hang with for awhile and see what naturally occurs...

[casey]

this is in the nature of a general reply

I was doing a tease the other day and the story changed to include castration. Now real castration would be monstrous and terrifying, so why the erotic appeal? It took a good bit of thinking until it struck me ~ vulnerability was the clue.

to the question proper ~

I am guessing the domme/sub relationship is closer to our ‘ideal’ relationship than any other substitute. Put aside paraphernalia and games, it all about trust and vulnerability.

The deeper the trust a relationship can develop, the deeper the vulnerability, and the deeper the vulnerability the more erotic energy is available. we close up psychically and physically when not feeling safe.

But I have a return question ~ what does the domme get out of it? If it’s just a sadistic thrill that seems a poor return for the eroticism the sub gets. Where on the trust/vulnerability/charge/release journey does she get to cum?

[cbtmeplease]

For the most part I have been in positions of leadership. I haven't put too much thought into it but I know that through my life experience I am definitely an Alpha Male. I am not bragging or complaining about being an Alpha Male. It just is what it is. When I was much younger and reading some erotica for the first time I ended up reading some stories which involved dominant women and submissive males. I don't know why or care but those were the stories that fascinated and aroused me like no other stories. Perhaps it is the relinquishing of control that turns me on? My first lover once tied me to her bed and had her way with me. I craved more of that type of play then and I still do crave that sort of play to this day. My current lover enjoys many sexual activities and for that I am grateful and happy.

[kats_toy]

I first found out that i was a little "different" at school.
The girls then had just found out how squishy balls were... and would proceed to kick them for fun at any given oppertunity, one would even hit you with her umbrella if it was a wet day..
I found myself getting very hard and aroused after being kicked. Part of me thought it must be normal and other parts of me thought i was some strange deviant!

I was so happy to find out years later that they were both right

My initial kink was CBT and when in college i found all sorts of wonderful websites, NTCweb being the main one. While on some of these sites i began chatting with a submissive woman from the US. After chatting for a long while we decided to try switching for each other since we hit it off so well.
After a while she became more and more Dominant pushing me further and further, upto the very evil hot waxing of certain very sensitive areas. She'd always let me cum at the end of our play time. And all of a sudden she didnt... She told me she wanted me to wait, to enjoy the full ache and because she really wanted to abuse me while i was already needy...
From there my love and NEED for T&D blossomed! From there i went to the new and improved Orgasmdenial.com and shortly after that i found my way here, and oh my god the aches that have been induced by some of the webteases here

[zadig]

As with many others posting here, it seems I was born this way. Submissive fantasies predated sexual fantasies by years. I fantasized of the girls in school holding me, binding me, and controlling me. But then, I never knew what I wanted them to do with me once abducted!

As for transmformative experiences, I would say there were several. The first being the odd undercurrent of FemDom material running through suppposedly vanilla television shows of the 1960's. Catwoman, Ginger on Gilligan's Island, Samantha Stevens' cousin Serena, and Genie's dark haired cousin all showed that femine sexuality could all be used to confuse, disarm and subdue the male will. I soaked up those lessons.

Next was the discovery of a particular issue of Playboy in father's room that contained several articles on domination and submission. It was literally the first time I ever knew others beside myself had these thoughts. Many of you may know the joy and relief felt that day! And how many times did I pleasure myself to those short stories, and those few cramped images? This was followed by years of searching through the Penthouse letters section, ignoring every item until I found the few (so very few!) containing stories of the Dominant Female. Penthouse also introduced me to the notion of tease-and-denial.

But from there, things never progressed. Never came together. The faltering attempts to get girlfriends to understand fell flat -- perhaps mostly because I still had no understanding of domination or submission myself. How do you describe what you do not know? I olny knew that the ritualistc fetish figures in magazines were so exciting. The poorly written stories of power and enslavement so compelling. But translating that to real life...? So, vanilla relationships and a mostly vanilla marriage resulted.

Perhaps the last significant single event came years later from reading Akasha's stories and non-fiction pieces online. She went past the whips, chains, and leather of the pulp magazine and wrote of emotion, motivation, and introspection. This may sound so foolish, but I finally realized it wasn't the toys of BDSM that were important, but the effect of the toys on the heart and mind. They were simply tools to the end.

There was a kind of freedom in that realization, in that I grew less focused on the specific form of domination and submission, and more on the effect. I grew less focused on sessions and more focused on relationships. Less focused on what a Domme might do that aroused me, and more focused on the process of giving in to her will.

Naturally, I have likes and dislikes and some things make me go wild with desire right off the bat, but the bottom line is that it's all about loss of control (or is it giving of control?). So anything that makes me pause and say "Hmm, I wouldn't normally have done that." can be fair game to bring those delicously submissive feelings up and out. SophiaStafford's comments along those lines -- the incremental shaping and molding of behaviors -- are therefore quite exciting to read.

This thread is very interesting and thoughtful. Thank you, everyone, for sharing your insights and experiences. And thank you for reading this long-winded reply! zadig

[rettetsar]

This is something I've recently been wondering a lot about. The human brain is ridiculously fascinating.

Let me start by saying, I have not actually done any submissive play besides my own fantasies and 'self-domination'. The opportunity to meet such a woman that fulfilled my desires just never came along.

I am currently under the impression that a big part of the reason I am submissive is that I have Attention Deficit disorder (Inattentive type). Summed up, I lack stimulation... and I impulsively/addictively seek higher forms stimulation. It manifests itself in several ways, and that's not exactly the basis of the disorder, but its what I think relates to my submissiveness, and kinky tastes.

Naturally one of the things this constant seeking for higher forms of stimulation led me to was BDSM. Afterall, what is more stimulating than BDSM? (granted its all about personal preference... but given the circumstances, regular porn just never interested me)

Now when I first considered having ADD, BDSM/pornography didnt even cross my mind. But one day I randomly got the urge to search the ADD forums for 'fetishes' and to my surprise I found a bunch of stories that were oh so familiar.

Now my submissiveness specifically took a while for me to realize. Simply put, often I find i need to be forced to get things done...and its that drive that I crave. Just as procrastination leads to fear of failure which leads to that boost in stimulation/attention. (Fantasizing about) Being at the knees of an attractive dominatrix wielding a whip gives me a similar (but more powerful) boost (and the growth in my pants is a big plus). So it seems like its more of an addictive fantasy that gets me off... But I realize this somewhat unrealistic. And as a result I've had lots of misconceptions about the BDSM culture. I'm currently planning on learning more about submission and cutting back on the fetish's that just get me off.

I came across this article that talks about a submissive guy with ADD who sees a Professional Dominatrix
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-vi ... ity/all/1/
It brings up an interesting perspective, the person in the story seems to have similar fantasies to me... but I think its explanation for the behavior is close minded, and I actually find it pretty offensive.

So my history of submissive behavior.
Early in elementary school, around 2nd grade, I already was fantasizing about being tied up, being under the control of woman. I have a vivid recollection of one of my fantasies... and I got the fantasy from probably a mixture of cartoons depicting people getting tied up, and specifically a "Magic School Bus" episode where they shrink and enter the human body (My fantasy involved the rectum )

Anyway 3rd grade I started exploring some more. I remember handcuffing myself to the bed
6th grade I discovered the internet and my fetish exploration exploded for a few years, but now I've settled down on a few. I started watching more Femdom and submission videos. Listening to erotic hypnosis (Nikki Fatale / Isabella valentine, etc). That got more interested in actual real life submission, and also led me to this site and the tease and denial thing.

Now that I'm in college I'm pretty damn motivated to bring my fantasies into reality. I'm tired/bored of my current routine (and boy am I glad I found this site!)

Sorry if this is long... just didn't come across any similar posts so I felt my perspective would be an interesting thing to throw into the mix :)

[devandi]

i think i`ve been a natural born sub. but the older i got the more aware i`ve got to my td and chastity needs i got!

[Ihmemursumarko]

I think that me being fascinated with being a sub gradually increased. Younger I wanted to give my partner a sexually great feeling, putting her needs before mine. I actually fantasized about licking and massaging a girl, giving her a great pleasure.

Only later I learned about subs, dominants and such. And started to find it VERY interesting. I'd be thrilled to find a girl that would be interested in such things..

Oh, and first post. :)

[Human]

Dont know, but for as long as I can remember, my interests have been a bit kinky. It started off with a mild interest in F/F domination, exhibitionism, then handjobs, then Tease&Denial, and then finally femdom/CBT/castration fantasies.
But seeing through my progression, the common theme seems to be "women in control". I dont particularly enjoy "you are a worthless piece of shit" kind of stuff. Women in control, and enjoying themselves, thats my fetish.

PS: Sophia -- you are a scary woman, and any sane guy should run far far away; and yet strangely I feel captivated. I cannot explain it.