What do you find arousing about chastity?

[andy wood]

LeanneTG,

If the 'tg' in my username wasn't a giveway, I can relate to this part. It's a little more complicated than that, but I'm not sure this is really the thread to go into the full details (though I will if asked) and what you've described is close enough.

I am curious for you to go into more details. It sounds to me like you "enjoy chastity", but are not "aroused by chastity".

I'm borderline asexual anyway; not quite truly asexual, but close. So days or weeks for me is kinda like what I would imagine ten minutes would be for you. And being teased without being allowed to orgasm helps me stay interested where otherwise I'd be like "eh" for a couple weeks afterwards anyway.

I do understand that sex drives vary. I remember being disappointed to find out that the actress and comedienne Janeane Garofalo is asexual. But my understanding was that a low or nonexistent sex drive almost never happened with to those with male anatomy. Testicles produce semen, and the body wants to release it, after all.

I can hardly imagine having no orgasms at all for 14 days or more. Well, correction... I can picture experiencing that, and I can picture being miserable for the last 10 days or so of the 14 days.

I am a bit curious about your perspectives on, or experience with, feminization. For Quiet Linda, I have used a female name for myself ("andrea") and I have put on chapstick (some have worn lip gloss or lipstick for Miss Linda... I am sliding by with the minimum). If you put on a dress, shave your legs, or otherwise feminize yourself, does that actually sexually arouse you? Or does it feel more like you are just "becoming more of whom you really are"? To me, playing the role of a female to please a domme, feels like playing the role of a left-handed plumber from Mexico. ("Que pasa, senorita") I could do it, and if it pleased the domme I might be happy to please her... but it would be neither sexually exciting for me, nor would it feel that I am being my true self.

[LeanneTG]

LeanneTG,

If the 'tg' in my username wasn't a giveway, I can relate to this part. It's a little more complicated than that, but I'm not sure this is really the thread to go into the full details (though I will if asked) and what you've described is close enough.

I am curious for you to go into more details. It sounds to me like you "enjoy chastity", but are not "aroused by chastity".

Some rambling follows...

Some transpeople are fine with their genitals, some aren't. I'm in the category of generally "not fine." You mentioned that some have fantasies of having their male organs removed - actually, the more common thing is having them surgically altered to as close to a female analog as possible. (Also, where you say fantasy, I'd say need. But that's going to vary among transpeople as well.)

But I find that chastity devices do affect the way they feel. In preventing erections, they keep the shaft from getting big when aroused, and the shape keeps the head closer (though not quite) to where a clitoris would be, which makes it easier for me to (for lack of better terms) dissociate from their maleness and imagine that it is more of a clitoris. (Well, except the balls. Those are still annoying.)

Which sort of does support your hypothesis that I "enjoy chastity" but am not "aroused by chastity."

OTOH, I do find the control elements involved in chastity very arousing. And the different sensations that the device creates - coupled with what I said above - do keep me stimulated down there. I suppose over a long period of time the sensations could cease to be 'different' and thus less stimulating, but I haven't hit that yet.

I do understand that sex drives vary. I remember being disappointed to find out that the actress and comedienne Janeane Garofalo is asexual. But my understanding was that a low or nonexistent sex drive almost never happened with to those with male anatomy. Testicles produce semen, and the body wants to release it, after all.

"Almost never" isn't quite the same as "absolutely never" ;) I can't speak to the medical aspects of it, and I don't know the gender breakdowns, but there are a number of asexual male-bodied persons out there. And IIRC, even Janeane talked about 'cleaning out the pipes.'

Also, it's not *always* about low sex drive. Mine might even be strictly a psychological problem more than an 'asexual orientation' - as I said, the more I can dissociate from the maleness of my body, the easier it is for me to get sexually aroused. Could also just be my head is wired funny, and doesn't respond to the usual signals in the usual manner (but does respond to somewhat different signals instead) I don't really know for sure.

I've also had more than a few of what I'd describe as nonorgasmic releases as well. Sometimes at night, as sort of 'wet dreams,' but that's also how masturbation usually ends for me without the extra mental turn-ons. Just sort of "oh, is that it?"

I am a bit curious about your perspectives on, or experience with, feminization. For Quiet Linda, I have used a female name for myself ("andrea") and I have put on chapstick (some have worn lip gloss or lipstick for Miss Linda... I am sliding by with the minimum). If you put on a dress, shave your legs, or otherwise feminize yourself, does that actually sexually arouse you? Or does it feel more like you are just "becoming more of whom you really are"?

That depends on the dress ;) Slipping into something fairly casual, or even something fairly formal... even if it's ultra-femme, just feels like an expression of myself. When it's something deliberately sexy, it's an arousing process. Though controlled dressing - where someone is telling me what to wear - is somewhat arousing, as long as what they're telling me to wear isn't a turn-off in itself.

Shaving my legs, depends on what I'm shaving them for. Makeup varies by the look I'm going for. Pantyhose are just pantyhose, but garters-and-stockings do get me turned on; I think that's largely because of cultural context. Using my feminine name just feels more 'right' than anything else.

[edgeallday]

Yes. I can enjoy various levels of tease and denial. But as someone else said (and I was happy to steal this quote "I like tease-and-delay, not tease-and-denial"). When I have tried to go for more than 3 days or so without any sort of genital stimulation, I found it to be "mostly unpleasant torment"... or even "boring", as my libido would kind of abandon hope and go on strike. Then again, a skilled tease domme can make that situation better. (Or worse, depending. Is the glass half-empty, or half-full?) And then that is where "how do you feel about chastity?" gets complicated by "how do you feel about submission?"

It also sounds like you can relate to this:

...

Yep I can definitely relate to your experience of it. My libido does the same thing after 3-5 days, especially without teasing. By that point I'm just not horny anymore so the chastity device seems pretty pointless. And as you said the orgasm is better after waiting, but I'm not sure it offsets the days in chastity. Just doing some tease and denial the same day as orgasm gets me 90% of the way there.

Of course you can also engage in tease and denial without any chastity device at all, as long as you are a good honest sub . The chastity device is just sort of the physical representation of submission and denial. Realistically most of them can be removed (although not put back on) without a key if you really needed to anyway, unless you get a piercing.

What is that old saying? "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it."

Indeed. I think this is true of a lot of sexual fantasies in general. Sure there are some people who really do want the full version of the fantasy, but a lot of people who find the fantasy arousing actually want a more "tame" version of it in reality. A lot of times you don't know for sure until you actually try it though.

[andy wood]

edgeallday,

Of course you can also engage in tease and denial without any chastity device at all, as long as you are a good honest sub . The chastity device is just sort of the physical representation of submission and denial.

Yes. To clarify, in all of my discussion about reasons for enjoying chastity, I meant "reasons for enjoying or seeking out orgasm control and/or denial". An actual chastity device is only one example of chastity play. Then there are variations, such as the KTB, or a cage with punishment spikes inside.

My first wife was (and I guess still is) a domme. Early in our relationship, we tried chastity play, but that did not work too well for us. (What she was happy doing to me and with me, was not what I was happy receiving.) Still, I did order a device from JT's Stockroom:

http://www.stockroom.com/Mens-Chastity-C206.aspx

It was some sort of plastic cage. A CB-something. My wife really wanted me to wear it out in public at least once, and I did so for her. It felt about as comfortable and inconspicuous as putting a baseball into my underwear. I went to a local bodega, and bought a Diet Coke or something. It was not a fun experience. But, then again, there is this:

andy wood wrote:What is that old saying? "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it."Indeed. I think this is true of a lot of sexual fantasies in general. Sure there are some people who really do want the full version of the fantasy, but a lot of people who find the fantasy arousing actually want a more "tame" version of it in reality. A lot of times you don't know for sure until you actually try it though.

Trial and error can be the best way to learn. Sometimes it is the only way to learn certain things about yourself.

I am curious, though, to hear from you (and everyone), about a related topic:

What kinds of headspace do you get, from different kinds of chastity play, including different devices?

I am guessing that people who are more emotionally masochistic, or who want to be desexualized, might get the most impact from a KTB. A plastic cage might be a milder experience, and then being given orgasm control or denial rules, without any physical device, might be milder still.

[CruelNatalie]

So much quote and interesting stuff below-

Leanne I totally get it. I have lots of TF friends and it makes sense. I also know that for myself & others that sex is a mind thing. Is it arousing? Sure it is but unless you know what I'm talking about first hand you couldn't possibly wrap your head around it.

I am excited by control and the elements of seduction. It might make my pussy wet but I'm not motivated by orgasm.

LeanneTG,

If the 'tg' in my username wasn't a giveway, I can relate to this part. It's a little more complicated than that, but I'm not sure this is really the thread to go into the full details (though I will if asked) and what you've described is close enough.

I am curious for you to go into more details. It sounds to me like you "enjoy chastity", but are not "aroused by chastity".

Some rambling follows...

Some transpeople are fine with their genitals, some aren't. I'm in the category of generally "not fine." You mentioned that some have fantasies of having their male organs removed - actually, the more common thing is having them surgically altered to as close to a female analog as possible. (Also, where you say fantasy, I'd say need. But that's going to vary among transpeople as well.)

But I find that chastity devices do affect the way they feel. In preventing erections, they keep the shaft from getting big when aroused, and the shape keeps the head closer (though not quite) to where a clitoris would be, which makes it easier for me to (for lack of better terms) dissociate from their maleness and imagine that it is more of a clitoris. (Well, except the balls. Those are still annoying.)

Which sort of does support your hypothesis that I "enjoy chastity" but am not "aroused by chastity."

OTOH, I do find the control elements involved in chastity very arousing. And the different sensations that the device creates - coupled with what I said above - do keep me stimulated down there. I suppose over a long period of time the sensations could cease to be 'different' and thus less stimulating, but I haven't hit that yet.

I do understand that sex drives vary. I remember being disappointed to find out that the actress and comedienne Janeane Garofalo is asexual. But my understanding was that a low or nonexistent sex drive almost never happened with to those with male anatomy. Testicles produce semen, and the body wants to release it, after all.

"Almost never" isn't quite the same as "absolutely never" ;) I can't speak to the medical aspects of it, and I don't know the gender breakdowns, but there are a number of asexual male-bodied persons out there. And IIRC, even Janeane talked about 'cleaning out the pipes.'

Also, it's not *always* about low sex drive. Mine might even be strictly a psychological problem more than an 'asexual orientation' - as I said, the more I can dissociate from the maleness of my body, the easier it is for me to get sexually aroused. Could also just be my head is wired funny, and doesn't respond to the usual signals in the usual manner (but does respond to somewhat different signals instead) I don't really know for sure.

I've also had more than a few of what I'd describe as nonorgasmic releases as well. Sometimes at night, as sort of 'wet dreams,' but that's also how masturbation usually ends for me without the extra mental turn-ons. Just sort of "oh, is that it?"

I am a bit curious about your perspectives on, or experience with, feminization. For Quiet Linda, I have used a female name for myself ("andrea") and I have put on chapstick (some have worn lip gloss or lipstick for Miss Linda... I am sliding by with the minimum). If you put on a dress, shave your legs, or otherwise feminize yourself, does that actually sexually arouse you? Or does it feel more like you are just "becoming more of whom you really are"?

That depends on the dress ;) Slipping into something fairly casual, or even something fairly formal... even if it's ultra-femme, just feels like an expression of myself. When it's something deliberately sexy, it's an arousing process. Though controlled dressing - where someone is telling me what to wear - is somewhat arousing, as long as what they're telling me to wear isn't a turn-off in itself.

Shaving my legs, depends on what I'm shaving them for. Makeup varies by the look I'm going for. Pantyhose are just pantyhose, but garters-and-stockings do get me turned on; I think that's largely because of cultural context. Using my feminine name just feels more 'right' than anything else.