What do you find arousing about chastity?

[roobie]

I have been to this forum a few times, as different turn-ons interest me, even if I can't quite relate to them.

I notice a lot of you are into chastity stuff. I can see how having someone else control your orgasm can be arousing, but only when it's a matter of "will I come now, or 10 minutes from now?". Someone holding my orgasm hostage for days or even weeks seems merely very frustrating / unfulfilling.

Now obviously you do find this arousing, so can you describe how you got into this? Was it some early experience, did you gradually get into it?

[SexualChoc]

I am going to ansswer your question
WIth a question...



how do you feel about someone else "in charge" ?? a boss/ dom

I suggest you try it out first for a while to experience it to see if you like it.
as for myself personally, I have always been this way because of the environment I grew up in. I can not remember a time I did not strive to explore chastity and denial

[AliceInBondageLand]

It can be a punishment and a reward all at once.

I consider it a powerful tool, for both Stockholm Syndrome and developing control or reprogramming someone.

It is like installing a hard-wired control mechanism... or an anchor point. A rudder?

I can keep coming up with strange metaphors all day.

It installs an incredible access point for control, energy and d/s... also it is super fun bondage. It is the longest-term most erotic kind of bondage I can think of.

[reflog1]

Roobie, great question bro.

honestly. I have no idea where the arousal came from. or how one day I got into it. Because i also agree. If someone held back my orgasm. awww hell no. But I love the idea of another women being in charge. which is funny to say because me. personally. I'm 6 foot. pretty muscular and naturally a dominant person. so it's weird to me why I enjoy tease and denial so much. but eh... i sure do.

[mentoree]

Good question
It is bondage 24/7, controlled & denied, careful what you wish for...

[AliceInBondageLand]

My favorite metaphor lately is that it feels like harnessing a submissive to my sexual chariot.

Or having a battery of immediately accessible creative/sexual energy that never runs out!!!

[drawn]

The infinite battery metaphor actually works pretty good from the submissive side too :) The endless, unrelenting rush is not an unpleasant one.

Calling back to the original post I think I've been into denial and chastity longer than I've known that they existed as a fetish, so it may just be wired in. There are tons of nuances I like about chastity, but I'm not sure any of them are the reason... I think I like chastity and denial first, and then keep finding new side effects that I also enjoy.

[andy wood]

I was recently thinking about various attitudes towards chastity. I thought of a few different ones, and I wanted to post about them here. But first, I thought I would check the forum and see what has already been discussed.

I did a search for "chastity" in the subject line of forum discussions, and found that most were discussions of the merits of various chastity devices. That is, they were discussions of "how to best do chastity", not "why do people like chastity". The most recent Forum discussion I could find about reasons for chastity, is this one. So, I think this is the best place to add my thoughts on various chastity scenarios.

1) SPH and cuckold.
Many of the chastity and orgasm control/denial teases I have seen feature this theme. In the Small Penis Humiliation scenario, the sub feels that his penis is tiny or otherwise unworthy. He is in a relationship with a domme who does not desire regular sex with the sub, since his penis is too small to satisfy her. In some of these scenarios, the domme wants to be satisfied by the sub orally, or with the use of various sex toys. In others, the domme will have very little sexual interaction with the sub, and will get sexual pleasure from other men.

I do not have a small penis, and I have no desire to be cuckolded, so I cannot relate to these scenarios too much.

2) Transgender.
Some people who were born biologically male feel themselves to be females trapped in male bodies. Some have fantasies of having their male sex organs removed, and others simply want to lock away their male genitals for the long term. ("Out of signt; out of mind.")

I cannot personally relate to this.

3) God hates orgasms.
Some people feel that having very few orgasms, or none at all, is more spiritually pure than a life which includes sexual pleasure.

I was raised in a somewhat conservative religious environment. However, I have pretty thoroughly rejected this idea. I am more inclined to agree with Woody Allen, who said "Sex is only dirty if it's done right."

4) I want to suffer for you.
Some people are emotional masochists, who seek out a partner who behaves in an angry, cruel or punishing manner. This cruelty can be manifested through the infliction of pain (whipping, spanking, etc.), or the denial of pleasure, including denial of orgasms. If the domme often says “you do not deserve to cum”, this may be Scenario 4.

I am a switch, and I am more dom than sub. When I am submitting, though, I like to please the domme. I could enjoy a scenario where the domme says “do XY and Z”, and then I do it, and then the domme says “good boy!” and shows appreciation for what I have done. I would not like to be with a domme whose preferred scenario is “give the submissive nearly impossible tasks, and then punish harshly for failure”.

5) I want to obey and please you.
Scenario 4 and Scenario 5 are each a matter of degree, and they can often co-exist within the same relationship. The difference is tone. If the domme and/or sub expect that the sub will often be criticized or harshly punished, it is Scenario 4, whereas if the domme is typically pleased with the sub, it is Scenario 5.
This relates to chastity, in that the submissive wants to feel a strong emotional connection to the domme. If the sub is at work, and it is noon on Tuesday, the sub could not have sex at that moment anyway… but wearing a chastity device, or remembering the orgasm control rules of the domme, means that the sub can still feel the thrill of being owned and controlled.

I can totally relate to Scenario 5.

6) Waiting for Christmas. (aka “food tastes better when you are hungry”)
Sometimes, the anticipation of future pleasure can be a source of pleasure itself. And a pleasant experience can be more intense if you have to wait for it.

I typically enjoy the fantasy of long-term chastity, more than I enjoy the reality of it. If it is Saturday morning, and I am going to masturbate, and I came on Friday night, then my Saturday orgasm will be a lot more intense if I visualize a fantasy scenario wherein I have not been able to orgasm for days, weeks, or months. Edging can build desire, but just imagining that I have been in long-term chastity can also build desire.
When I have tried to do several days of actual chastity, the loss of pleasure on the days that I cannot cum has been worse than the level of pleasure that I gained on the day that I could finally have an orgasm. As a comparison, imagine that you want to intensely enjoy your supper on Saturday night, even though the food is not your favorite. One way of doing that, would be to skip several meals first (skip Friday supper, Saturday breakfast and Saturday lunch). I am sure this would enhance the pleasure of Saturday dinner, but almost no one does this. Why? Because the unpleasantness of starving yourself for 24 hours is greater than the pleasure you would gain when you finally enjoy your Saturday supper.

In summary, for me at least, long-term chastity can be a very hot fantasy, but it is not something I would enjoy in real life.

7) Tantric sex / tantric edging
I am not an expert on tantric sex. I did find this Wikipedia article about it to be interesting:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neotantra

However, I have enjoyed Ms. Julie’s flash tease “O Control (Level 1)”, and I look forward to doing all of her teases. In my opinion and experience, having several days of no orgasms where I am allowed or encouraged to edge a lot, is very different from several days of no orgasms where I am not allowed to touch myself or even become erect. The essential difference between what I will call “tantric edging” and being locked in chastity, is that with tantric edging, there is a lot of sexual stimulation and pleasure, but it stops short of a full orgasm. With typical sex or masturbation, the male’s sexual desire rises fairly steadily until he achieves orgasm, at which point he loses his erection and loses his desire for sex. With tantric edging, the male repeatedly gets close to orgasm without quite achieving it. If this is done over the course of several days, the cumulative sexual pleasure of the edges may exceed the sexual pleasure that the man might have felt if he had gotten two normal orgasms each day.

I have recently begun exploring tantric edging, and so far I am enjoying it very much.

I hope that the seven scenarios I have described above are a pretty good overview of the different motivations for chastity. Have I left anything out? If so, I hope that others will speak up and let us know of the scenarios that I missed.

[Nezhul]

The most arousing thing for me personally is the knowledge that I will have to go for some time without orgasm. I'm naturally quite okay on not masturbating/having sex for 1-2 weeks, I just don't feel MUCH need (as any guy I'm ready for sex daily, multiple times. I just don't NEED it that much to get off every day). But when it comes to chastity then even 2-3 days seem like a struggle.

I'v nver had a keyholder though.

p.s. Submission? No, I don't really find it arousing long term. There's a certain fascination of a girl taking charge in the bedroom, but I have no feelings about her being a full-time mistress of me. Being a switch I have a little interest in being a full-time master, but generally I prefer keeping those things in the bedroom only.

[andy wood]

I just saw an interesting article in the forums ["Denial vs. Karezza"]:

http://www.milovana.com/forum/viewtopic ... 10#p194010

The Karezza practice sounds to me sort of like what I had called "tantric edging", but it is a practice that both members of a couple do together. So, in Karezza, neither member of the couple is dominant or submissive.

If anyone has tried both chastity and Karezza, I would be curious to hear about the similarities and/or differences.

[tantricforever]

I just saw an interesting article in the forums ["Denial vs. Karezza"]:

http://www.milovana.com/forum/viewtopic ... 10#p194010

The Karezza practice sounds to me sort of like what I had called "tantric edging", but it is a practice that both members of a couple do together. So, in Karezza, neither member of the couple is dominant or submissive.

If anyone has tried both chastity and Karezza, I would be curious to hear about the similarities and/or differences.

Hi Andy, thanks for your contribution to the Karezza thread. I like what you laid out here and love the rationale way of looking at your 1-7 scenarios.

I'm with you on 1-4, no personal interest.
5 could be interesting but I've not had much experience.

6 makes a lot of sense and I agree with your assessment. The enjoyment lost from skipping 3 meals is greater then the increase pleasure from the 4th. I like practicing denial but only when I'm getting a lot of attention (and sex). When that isn't available it becomes frustrating and far less enjoyable and fun.

I'm definitely into #7 but I'm not sure that fits into the Chastity concept.

So, not very helpful to your actual questions but I really do like the way you are going about exploring the topic.

[Ms. Julie]

"What do you find arousing about chastity?"

1.) The denial of sexual release makes you almost constantly aroused. Chastity is arousing because chastity is a state of almost constant arousal. The feeling of constant arousal can be a bit torturous, but it's also very exciting and fun.

2.) The idea of having your orgasms controlled and being denied orgasm beyond your control is a very powerful fantasy for many. I don't know why some people like dominance and submission, but for some reason they do. It's built in and a very low level. If you can relate to dominance and submission being arousing, then chastity is a real-life form of dominance and submission (and therefore strongly arousing for many).

Having your orgasms controlled is a very powerful way to control you in other ways as well. Orgasm control is the closest thing to real-life mind control that there is. Handing over that level of control, giving access to someone to that deep a level of control over you, with the capability of literally changing your personality and many other areas of your life as well, is a very deep and strong fantasy of many and a fantasy that is actually achievable in real life through chastity.

Given all that, if you are submissive and have found the right person, then I think then better question is why on earth wouldn't you want chastity?!

[edgeallday]

For me it's mostly about the loss of control and the mindfuck of tease and denial. It's one of the most powerful ways to truly submit to someone, allowing them to control your ability to even get an erection (let alone touch yourself/masturbate). It's also a constant reminder of your submission, because it's on all the time.

That being said I'm really only into short-term chastity play. The longest I've ever worn one is about a week, and usually a lot less than that. The fantasy of wearing one long-term is arousing to me, but the reality of it is very different.

I'm also have some dominant tendencies which makes long-term chastity difficult. I don't think I could ever truly be a 24/7 sub or dom.

However, I have enjoyed Ms. Julie’s flash tease “O Control (Level 1)”, and I look forward to doing all of her teases. In my opinion and experience, having several days of no orgasms where I am allowed or encouraged to edge a lot, is very different from several days of no orgasms where I am not allowed to touch myself or even become erect. The essential difference between what I will call “tantric edging” and being locked in chastity, is that with tantric edging, there is a lot of sexual stimulation and pleasure, but it stops short of a full orgasm. With typical sex or masturbation, the male’s sexual desire rises fairly steadily until he achieves orgasm, at which point he loses his erection and loses his desire for sex. With tantric edging, the male repeatedly gets close to orgasm without quite achieving it. If this is done over the course of several days, the cumulative sexual pleasure of the edges may exceed the sexual pleasure that the man might have felt if he had gotten two normal orgasms each day.

I have recently begun exploring tantric edging, and so far I am enjoying it very much.

I hope that the seven scenarios I have described above are a pretty good overview of the different motivations for chastity. Have I left anything out? If so, I hope that others will speak up and let us know of the scenarios that I missed.

In my opinion the most fun chastity play involves being let out of the cage and teased/edged, then locked back up without orgasm. So basically like "tantric edging", except being locked up in between teasing sessions.

Just being locked in chastity without the teasing/edging is pretty boring IMO. Denial without the teasing is too easy and not much fun. YMMV of course.

[LeanneTG]

I have been to this forum a few times, as different turn-ons interest me, even if I can't quite relate to them.

I notice a lot of you are into chastity stuff. I can see how having someone else control your orgasm can be arousing, but only when it's a matter of "will I come now, or 10 minutes from now?". Someone holding my orgasm hostage for days or even weeks seems merely very frustrating / unfulfilling.

Now obviously you do find this arousing, so can you describe how you got into this? Was it some early experience, did you gradually get into it?

I'm borderline asexual anyway; not quite truly asexual, but close.

So days or weeks for me is kinda like what I would imagine ten minutes would be for you. And being teased without being allowed to orgasm helps me stay interested where otherwise I'd be like "eh" for a couple weeks afterwards anyway.

Also:

2) Transgender.
Some people who were born biologically male feel themselves to be females trapped in male bodies. Some have fantasies of having their male sex organs removed, and others simply want to lock away their male genitals for the long term. ("Out of signt; out of mind.")

I cannot personally relate to this.

If the 'tg' in my username wasn't a giveway, I can relate to this part. It's a little more complicated than that, but I'm not sure this is really the thread to go into the full details (though I will if asked) and what you've described is close enough.

[andy wood]

edgeallday,

For me it's mostly about the loss of control and the mindfuck of tease and denial. It's one of the most powerful ways to truly submit to someone, allowing them to control your ability to even get an erection (let alone touch yourself/masturbate). It's also a constant reminder of your submission, because it's on all the time.That being said I'm really only into short-term chastity play. The longest I've ever worn one is about a week, and usually a lot less than that. The fantasy of wearing one long-term is arousing to me, but the reality of it is very different.

In my opinion the most fun chastity play involves being let out of the cage and teased/edged, then locked back up without orgasm. So basically like "tantric edging", except being locked up in between teasing sessions.Just being locked in chastity without the teasing/edging is pretty boring IMO. Denial without the teasing is too easy and not much fun. YMMV of course.

Yes. I can enjoy various levels of tease and denial. But as someone else said (and I was happy to steal this quote "I like tease-and-delay, not tease-and-denial"). When I have tried to go for more than 3 days or so without any sort of genital stimulation, I found it to be "mostly unpleasant torment"... or even "boring", as my libido would kind of abandon hope and go on strike. Then again, a skilled tease domme can make that situation better. (Or worse, depending. Is the glass half-empty, or half-full?) And then that is where "how do you feel about chastity?" gets complicated by "how do you feel about submission?"

It also sounds like you can relate to this:

I typically enjoy the fantasy of long-term chastity, more than I enjoy the reality of it. If it is Saturday morning, and I am going to masturbate, and I came on Friday night, then my Saturday orgasm will be a lot more intense if I visualize a fantasy scenario wherein I have not been able to orgasm for days, weeks, or months. Edging can build desire, but just imagining that I have been in long-term chastity can also build desire.When I have tried to do several days of actual chastity, the loss of pleasure on the days that I cannot cum has been worse than the level of pleasure that I gained on the day that I could finally have an orgasm. As a comparison, imagine that you want to intensely enjoy your supper on Saturday night, even though the food is not your favorite. One way of doing that, would be to skip several meals first (skip Friday supper, Saturday breakfast and Saturday lunch). I am sure this would enhance the pleasure of Saturday dinner, but almost no one does this. Why? Because the unpleasantness of starving yourself for 24 hours is greater than the pleasure you would gain when you finally enjoy your Saturday supper.In summary, for me at least, long-term chastity can be a very hot fantasy, but it is not something I would enjoy in real life.

What is that old saying? "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it."