denial and age.

[vanda]

I've found myself more interested in T&D since I've gotten older. I did fantasize about it a bit when younger, but wasn't that into it - probably as it might have killed me!

now that i am older, and well, the years have taken their toll, being teased makes me feel aroused like i was when younger. makes a simple walk thru a shopping mall an exciting day!

your thoughts?

[Tobias23]

How old are you?

I've been into it since, I can't remember exactly, my early teens. There are many memories jumbled around in my head, and it would need alot of time to sort them, but what I clearly remember is that I've been always into domination and submission. I only had submissive girlfriends, so I turned towards the internet to find that dominant person, who takes control of me.

And from there it didn't take long to figure out if you are not allowed to masturbate at will, everything gets so much more intense. But well it was my early years, so after a day or two I just lost control and openly disobeyed. Guilty, swore never to do it again, but sure enough a young boy can't keep his hands under control.

Now over ten years later, the thing that changed is my discipline, nothing else. I still get aroused a lot by denial, and I still have the strong urge to orgasm, but I learned to control my urges and actions.

[janmb]

@OP:

I think that makes sense and is to be expected...

Young people, and most of all guys, tend to be concerned with one thing and one thing alone: Getting off. As often and as much as possible. Likewise, most young people (and indeed most people regardless of age) tend to be focused on getting their partner off as well, stimulating them as optimally as you possibly can with the goal of making them cum...

The very idea that denial or prolonged teasing can be a boon is something that most people never really experience or grasp. And for those of us who do discover and embrace a more advanced sexuality, we typically mature from a vanilla sex life into a different, more kinky one.

I believe most of the people who lead vanilla sex lives tend to do so from lack of insight into the alternatives. Besides, we are by evolution designed to want sex and want orgasms. Makes perfect sense. It takes some imagination to even consider the concept that something can be much better than that.

So yeah, it makes perfect sense that most people who are into T&D or other kinks are mostly 30+

In fact I don't even like the word kinky. To me, that suggests that vanilla is normal and everything else is a deviating abnormality of one sort or another, and has to be all that special.

Most stuff "normal" people these days consider fetishes or kinks should in fact be a commonly accepted part of any complete sex life. Each to their own of course, the point of possibilities is moot if everyone is expected to do everything (including things they don't like), but everyone ought to be far more aware and informed than they currently are.

And without meaning disrespect to anyone what so ever, we have a lot of bad stuff to thank different religions for in that matter.

[vanda]

i am in my 50's. not like i didn't have these fantasies when younger, just not as much as in last few years

[Nezhul]

I don't think it's related to age at all. If I analyse the last 10 years of my life I can say that my interests were constantly moving from one thing to another. Interests are like that. One day you wake up and feel like doing something, and that's it. Again - I don't think it has anything to do with age at all.

[janmb]

I kinda agree Nez, interests are typically ever changing, BUT I still think you can expect to find a trend that most people start off with more or less basic knowledge and interests, and having those interest change into more advanced, less known stuff as time goes on...

So yeah, I agree age itself isn't a factor, but it's more of a natural side product of interests changing from basic to advanced as we gain experience.

In the very extreme end of the scale (yeah, SC is going to go off the shaft again, but so be it), consider kids...

A 5 year old may not know what sexuality is about what so ever, and for the few who do have any sort of grasp of the idea, it is going to be very alien and very basic.

Look at a 10 year old... Most at that age will have a more or less precise understanding of what basic sex and procreation is all about. A few might be sexually active with themselves too.

Look at a 13-15 year old... Close to all will (or should!) have a good understanding of sex at that age, but few will have any insight into more kinky aspects of sex. Most are typically still virgins and mainly thinking of getting sex in the first place, and being far less occupied with finer details and variations...

Look at a 20 year old... Quite a few will have debuted by that age, but likewise, very few of them will have been involved in anything more than plain, vanilla "lets get there" sex.

I think most interest shifts start from having experience, and without necessarily having started to be bored, curiosity for more still kicks in. That is what makes us seek out alternatives in the first place.

Or put very short: I doubt many virgins fantasize a lot about T&D, but are far more focused on sex vs. no sex in the first place.

[vanda]

everyone is different too... why i get into it might well be different than others

[edgeallday]

I kinda agree Nez, interests are typically ever changing, BUT I still think you can expect to find a trend that most people start off with more or less basic knowledge and interests, and having those interest change into more advanced, less known stuff as time goes on...

Yep, there's that saying "If you're not growing, you're dying" and I think that can be applied to many different areas of life. It's all about experiencing, learning, and enjoying life to its fullest (whatever that may be for you personally). As you explore certain things that will open up other doors that you probably didn't even know existed before.

[AliceInBondageLand]

I've found that the interests/desires are usually there from puberty but the skills to ACT on those desires take longer...

[vanda]

excellent point Alice... and perhaps a complete awareness is lacking... desires might just be a vague inkling

[JustKrissy]

excellent point Alice... and perhaps a complete awareness is lacking... desires might just be a vague inkling

Nothing vague about it. <.<

Even if it does take time to discover your interests, I think, as with most things related to personal matters, that the answer to your question depends on the person in question.

~Krissy