looking for advice/ people to talk to about this situation..

[jjsubslut]

ok so i have a mistress... i can tell and actually feel like she cares for me. she isn't one of those domme that considers a sub useless or pathetic etc.. we are in a long distance relationship.. 2000 miles away from each other... but both of us are open to meeting one day in the future but its hard to do on both sides...

she has trust issues with everyone because of a sub a few years ago that thinks got personal and then went bad and he ended up stalking, threatening her etc. i can understand that though I've had similar but not so bad instances. for the first couple months she used a screen name and thats what i referred to her as later i asked about her name she told me her first but no her last....

ok so anyway she is a political person and involved in a lot of protest... me on the other hand am no really lol so i was searching videos on youtube to learn more about the electoral candidates this year and i came across a video interview of her... in the interview her full name came up. or was in the description not sure... but anyway i was pretty sure it was her.. I looked up her name on facebook wondering if she had pictures to see if it was her... indeed it was. on there it says she has a bf etc and its all over her info section that she likes him...

honestly i was slightly jealous but not a lot she told me before she had a boyfriend.... what im getting to here and the think that has me wondering stuff is a few days ago she told me she broke up with her boyfriend... and according to her facebook profile she has not...

i really like her and want to trust things she says but it appears she lied about this... unless she is planning to do it and said she was already broken up with him... the think is i dont know how to talk to her about this or anything because i dont want to risk our relationship telling her about how i found out if she gets freaked out from past experiences with another person...

so really not sure about anything and have been kinda bummed out since this :(

if anyone could comment or say anything.. ideas advice similar things all welcome.... thanks

[shell]

Here's my thoughts......honesty and truth are the foundation of relationships. If you don't have that, you don't have a solid relationship.
You stumbled upon something...you didn't plan to, but you did.
I think the error you made that you have to come clean with is going to her facebook. You shoulda asked about that, before doing it.

As for the boyfriend/not boyfriend status thing......some people forget to change stuff like that on facebook, for months. Some put that they are in a relationship, just to keep scum away.
So....I think that is the least of your concerns right now.

If you want this to last....you need to come clean....it might end things, because she might get pissed....but....do you really want to go forward with this huge secret lurking behind you?

Good luck.

[crazyxxx]

My first thought is the more you do behind her back, the more she will think you are stalking her (and she will be right). My advice would be to come clean about it and discuss it with her. If you approach her similar way as here, she shouldn't get mad.

As for checking her FB, it's natural these days and everybody does that, so that isn't anything to be mad about, at least IMHO. As for the BF issue, not everybody updates their relation status in real-time. Sometimes people wait with that for various reasons or simply forget to do it...

[jjsubslut]

i havnt really gone behind her back... at least i dont see it that way or feel that i have.... the video i found was by total accident. i wasnt searching for her i searched for something about obama and it one of the videos that turned up was an interview with her... and then i just curiously types the name into facebook... pretty harmless in my opinion...

[crazyxxx]

You're right, maybe my wording was too harsh. I also think you did nothing wrong *until now*. But now it's probably the right time to have a discussion with her. I mean, if you continue checking her and her BF etc., trying to find some evidence, that would be going behind her back IMHO.

[jjsubslut]

im not constantly checking to see if i can find evidence lol i looked once seen that and haven't looked again... its not like im stalking her profile lol...

[Nezhul]

Well, first of all facebook may not be updated that fast in the first place. And even if you post - it doesnt necessaryly mean that you go ahead to change the info about boyfriends, so first of all she may not be lying.

Now second. Long-distance relationship always is hard. And there are couple things to it. First of all on the net you may be whatever you want, and act completely differently than you act in real life. And sometimes you want to just support that image, not boil down to everyday stuff. That's why a lot of people lie on the net. It's rather more like impersonating a completely different imaginary person.
Second thing is, while having a friend on the net, however close you may be, it's far from actually having a boyfriend or girlfriend, and you should understand that. Yes, long-distance relationship may end up in real life, but more often than not it ends up in the net. It may be enjoyable, but life is moving on and none of us gets younger, and what everyone whould really focus on is creating a real family, that will stay with you till the end of your life, that you can touch and that will support you.
Having a long-distance partner may be great, but I would never ever be jelous if she finds someone real out there, if I were you. And I would look for a real girl HERE myself. That, or you take a vacation and go meet her and get it over with. You should either find out if you two can REALLY be together, live together, or if it stays in the net. If it's the second, you should both find a man/women to live with and become just friends.

[Snoopy76]

Agree with everything that has been said so far honesty & trust are crucial factors in making a long distance relationship work but please don't under estimate the paramount importance of open & honest communication.

Regardless of how you found what you did, you are left with concerns that are making you uneasy with the relationship and you really must discuss these with her asap.

I agree FB is not something that people update all that regularly and hope for your sake that this is the case, but rather than sit and worry you really need to have this conversation with her.

Being in a long distance relationship myself with some 5000 miles between us, I know that these are not easy and not for the faint hearted but they can work if you both want it enough. If you believe there is something special there and you get the peace of mind you need, then I wish you all the luck in the world for making it work.

Love

Snoopy x

[Banquo]

I agree with the majority of the above, and I am not going to echo what has already been said. But I will say this, from personal experience. When me and my ex broke up (from a v long term relationship) It took a while for either of us to change that little status button on facebook and go "public" with the whole thing. Relationships cannot be defined by the click of a button or the change of a status.

Banquo