FB: The girl you like invites you over for "Homework"

[jausklaus]

I would like to get some feedback on this tease of mine. Is it good? Or bad? And why is it so.

http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=16069

Grammar may be a bit off because I don't speak English as my natural language. Also title might be a bit too long, but that's not too serious

[ThomasKu]

I like the tease. It's nice and simple and the hope for a second part is also there.
Unfortunately it's obvious, that English isn't your native language since you write "wan't" instead of want and some other minor mistakes. But that doesn't bother me much.

There are just two things I'd like to comment:

1- why expect everyone to know what an "edge" means?
I think it fits much better if the girl in the tease asks you to do that by explaining just what it is. (Stroke until you're just about to cum, but don't cum yet!)

2- the last picture doesn't fit the story, since she asks you to cum on her tits while standing there straight. So either find a picture of her lying on the ground or change the text, so she orders something different at last. (e.g. make a choice between getting clothed right now or cumming inside of ones underwear, then ordering to put them on for the way back home.)

P.S.: I don't think the title is too long since there are so many teases already online, the title length will increase anyway, due to not naming one tease like another.

[jausklaus]

1- why expect everyone to know what an "edge" means?
I think it fits much better if the girl in the tease asks you to do that by explaining just what it is. (Stroke until you're just about to cum, but don't cum yet!)

2- the last picture doesn't fit the story, since she asks you to cum on her tits while standing there straight. So either find a picture of her lying on the ground or change the text, so she orders something different at last. (e.g. make a choice between getting clothed right now or cumming inside of ones underwear, then ordering to put them on for the way back home.)

Thank for feedback I'll try to proofread my teases at least twice, but little things like this always seem to remain no matter what. I also know that I use comma way too much because it's more common in Finnish language.

1. That's a good point, I'll try to remember that in following teases. Although I think biggest part of people know what it means, it's never a bad thing to explain it.

2. I couldn't find proped picture in the set for that. Well actually, there are some pictures with her kneeling, but she wears clothes in those. So no matter what I do, I'll end up in unlogical situation Maybe you just have to shoot your cum upwards