Question about my sexuality

[Catboy]

I've been coming to this site for a while, reading the teases and such (talented writers here), and thought I might create an account.

Now... I feel sort of bad, coming here, and asking for help, without actually contributing anything to the site, but I can't think of anywhere else to go with this, and I could use some help.
I haven't actually talked to anyone about this yet; I need to be more certain before I think I can, so I'm hoping that the people here, sexually open as you are, can help.

My problem is- I think I might be gay.

I always thought I was straight, though. I thought I liked girls, I've had crushes on girls, looked at the teases here (most of them featuring girls)...

But I've also found myself attracted to guys. I'd find myself thinking a boy was cute, but I'd ignore it. After all, thinking someone is attractive isn't the same as being attracted to them, right? I'd try to justify it, sometimes, "It's okay if I think he's cute; he's kind of feminine, after all..."
Or if they were too masculine, if I couldn't justify it, I'd flat out deny those thoughts, "Oh, I didn't actually think that..."

But about six months back, I found myself thinking, "If I'm straight, why am I looking at gay porn?"
At first I made myself look at it as a "punishment," using some sort of trumped-up charge as an excuse. I'd look at hentai, too, at least half yaoi (gay hentai), but they'd usually be very feminine-looking, so I could justify it. They had to be feminine; the muscular, masculine types made me uncomfortable. After all, girls like the manly type, not men, and I'm not a girl. It made me question my masculinity, I suppose, but I'm over that now. I do find them rather hot. Especially yaoi hentai. Especially catboys. Oh, god the catboys...

So I thought about it, and concluded that I do, in fact, like guys. I'd be watching TV, and find myself more interested in the guy in a wetsuit than the bikini-clad girl next to him. I cannot deny that I find men attractive.

This in mind, I concluded that I was most likely bisexual. After all, why else would I look at straight and gay porn, of have fantasies about being with girls and fantasies about men? If I like both sexes, I must be bi, right? After all, I may like guys, but I still like girls.
I think...

I do like girls, right? Right. Of course. Every time I'd ask myself that, the answer was inevitably "yes." But then it took longer to get to that yes. And now...

I don't know anymore. I look at teases I liked, videos I liked, and I can't bring myself to care about her. I find the female form beautiful, of course, attractive, pleasant to look at... but it doesn't interest me the same way anymore. But guys...

I'm in my early twenties. If I'm gay, why was I interested in girls for so long? My first crush was on a girl at age 7. Was I mistaken about liking girls? If so, could I be mistaken about liking guys, now?

There's no way I'm straight, I think. I suppose I might be bi, but- to be bisexual, I'd have to like girls, and...

I don't know. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to know whay you think. Sorry if it's a bit long...

[Haldirkd]

I can understand your thoughts. I think that it is something that noone else can answer for you, you have to figure it out yourself.

You are prob. on the right track, and it really all comes down to what sex do you find attractive. Do you find youself attracted sexually to men, women or both? If you do not know, then try it out, I mean, one thing is fantasy, another reality.

A lot of this stuff is about feelings, and if you find yourself more attracted, and more interrested in guys than you do with girls, that's fine, perhaps you should get a boyfriend and try it out.

just my 2 cents, feel free to correct me if I'm totally wrong

[Whiskyglace]

I think you are bi... Its not a problem, isn't.

[casualthunder]

I can relate to this question too, I'm not gay and think about women nearly 99.9% of the time however everyone has those curiousities once in a while....its perfectly human! ....I personally would love to be commanded by a woman to suck off a mans cock as its a huge turn on ...but doing so on my own initiative I probably wouldn't consider as the tease and arousal would be diminished. Heres a good erotic story about this subject that you might enjoy... http://www.tpe.com/~altarboy/nt070848.htm

[Nwah]

That being said ... I'm not sure I'd define myself in such a broad way as saying "I'm gay", "I'm straight," or "I'm bisexual". I think the labels help people feel better about themselves sexually, but if you really break it down, nobody is 100% heterosexual, homosexual, etc. So, my #1 advice would be, don't get so wrapped up in labels, that you forget what life is really about.

I don't think I could put it much better than that.

If you really wanted to, I suppose you could peg yourself at a 4 or so on the Kinsey scale, but it sounds like you're unsure more than anything else. Have you been ambivalent about women for a while, or is this a brief stage? I prefer women myself, but I also like men - that doesn't mean I'm straight, it means I'm bisexual. With a preference for women. It's also possible you only tell yourself you like women because that's a norm for society, and gays are still somewhat frowned upon. Nearly everyone goes through this at some point, and you've certainly done better than a lot of people by not regressing into denial about liking men. You could take a break from sexual things for a bit, then see how you feel, or you could also go to town on anything that moves and see which one you orgasm hardest to. There's no advice for this that can be given, which will beat experimentation on your part. In the end though, labels aren't all that important.

The way I see it, if it turns you on, fuck it.

So to speak.

[ClosetIdiot]

Eh really, the other responders gave the best advice. I really think the Kinsey scale makes alot of sense, although it assumes a dual-gender species and thats not quite as black and white either. Either way, just go with it. Nothing wrong with feeling one way or the other. Labels are only useful in that they give other people a handle so that they leave you alone, lol.

One other thing I'd mention is I actually did the opposite for a long time. Rather, I'm in my late 20s, and I spent most of my teens and early 20's thinking I was gay because I had only ever had sex with, or felt emotionally attached to men. And totally ignoring the fact that girls turn me on. (In case none of that computes, it was a result of me over-thinking my sexuality, shyness, and probably a dash of misplaced misogyny) Sort of smacked me in the face eventually when I fell in (and later out of, but that's another story) love with a girl, and fooled around with her. My body was never confused about the issue, and it sort of solved that issue right? I mean, sex with boys, sex with girls, means I'm bi, right? Well, other than a mental rabbit hole of wondering if I was just a really perverted straight guy (eh, situationally gay, maybe?) I finally decided it just didn't matter.

Anyway, the end result, as others have stated, is I would recommend just trying both and seeing what floats your boat. Just be sure to take things at their own pace...social awkwardness and embarrassment can corrupt your results.

[Catboy]

I want to thank you all for your responses, and for that link casualthunder provided (a fun read, that).

My "Problem," of course isn't whether or not I'm gay- I'd be fine either way. The problem is that I don't know. I've never found girl/girl porn particularly interesting, and can't figure out why the hell people find that so exciting. I'll look at models, underwear commercials, and such and think, "Was that supposed to be sexy? That's what people think is hot?"

I suppose ultimately the only way I can come to an answer is to experiment, but that'll have to wait until I get some higher-priority problems dealt with.

Thing is, I don't know if I can go out with a girl knowing it might not be able work out.

And if I tried to get a boyfriend, how would I even know whether or not he's gay?

Have you been ambivalent about women for a while, or is this a brief stage? I prefer women myself, but I also like men - that doesn't mean I'm straight, it means I'm bisexual. With a preference for women. It's also possible you only tell yourself you like women because that's a norm for society, and gays are still somewhat frowned upon. Nearly everyone goes through this at some point, and you've certainly done better than a lot of people by not regressing into denial about liking men.

I started questioning my attraction to girls for the last couple months, I think. But about a month ago was when I started having serious doubts about it.
Back in high school, I did deny my attraction towards guys. Then I started justifying the attraction while still denying the thought of homosexuality.
To use the Kinsey scale, I spent my whole life as a 0. But for the past few months I felt more like a 2. Now suddenly, I find myself torn between a 4 and a 5.

I suppose the best way would be to ignore ideas like labels and numbers, and just be. But that's a bit diffucult, isn't it?

[ClosetIdiot]

You could always just go pay for a lap dance. Should let you know if girls turn you on, right?

As for a boyfriend, well, going to a gay club or bar seems like a good place to start. If he hits on you, he's gay. =0. I've kind of had that problem a lot, though. Not getting hit on, but wondering if people are gay. Things can get awkward quick if your wrong...

As for going out with a girl...eh, that sort of comes with the territory. Should shake out pretty quick if there is no chemistry. Just don't fake it if there isn't, or lead someone on, etc. Dating is about figuring out if your into each other, right?

Eh. I never really got the whole girl/girl porn craze. As for underwear models, it depends a lot. Sexual attraction is hardly universal.

[Catboy]

The thing is, though, a few months ago, I did like girls. I was 100% positive. I've liked them for years, so why have I suddenly lost that interest?

I noticed though, that most of the girls I was interested in were all somewhat "boyish." Short hair, flat chest, etc.

Also, most of the videos that turned me on the most involved some sort of kink, like bondage, humiliation, and such. Could it have been the situation, not that girl, that I liked?

[ClosetIdiot]

The sudden lack of interest; i dunno. Is it your libido in general thats gone, or just that aspect of it? The sudden swap seems to indicate some kind of issue. I mean, thats what I would be thinking.

Eh, well as the saying goes, do you prefer breasts or thighs? So to speak. Just because you like well lets say tomboyish women doesn't necessarily follow that you really just like boys. Though it might. Or it might not.

Eh; its always possible. Tho if you think about it, for the most part, porn is mostly about the kink or the situation, and not about the person. I mean, often, the participants are kind of secondary. Probably why people say its dehumanizing, and what not. (Not strictly true)

Really the self examination is helpful. And other than giving things the ole college try, its all you can do. Good luck figuring it out.

[Catboy]

I wouldn't really call it a "swap." I think I've always liked boys; I remember thinking certain boys were cute even as far back as when I was ten years old. It's just recently that I realized how much I liked them.

But now, when I see a girl in a swimsuit or bikini, I find myself more interested in the clothing (what little there may be) than the girl within it.

Still, it feels odd, questioning whether I like girls rather thatn questioning whether I like guys, but I'll have to figure that out on my own.

Thanks for all your advice, everyone.