Transformation from a submissive into a sadistic a..hole?

[TheBigOne]

Hello,

I wanted to share something of myself anonymously.
I changed alot this year:

I have been a submissve for over 15 years. Always trying to please my Girlfriend/Mistress/Domme to the best of my abilities. Always been nice and respectful to every woman. In Bed I never had a problem in pleasing her until my jaw hurt, and then go to bed with full balls.

Not that I had many sexual relationships, because I was fat. And they always left me for the better looking guy. Let's face it, you either have a shitload of money or you're good looking, if not no woman is interested in you. Well I hoped there was one woman, I stayed fat on purpose, with a normal job, wanting to find a woman who wants me for my inner qualities. And then i would loose weight for her.

So I went online, payed money for dating sites and registered in local community sites (later on), and what did i figure out? I used the same profile on every site, describing my inner self. I only changed the picture. The most success I had with a picture of only my face, then with no picture at all, and no replies with a full body shot. It was depressing, and as the years went by more and more scammers flooded the internet.

The Internet thing got me a few real life dates, none ended in a one night stand, and only two ended in a short relationship. You can't imagine how much money I spent on gift, driving around, paying for dinner and so on. And with no luck at all.

So I started to go on a diet a few years ago, with a few fallbacks inbetween, but I managed to get my weight down, and building up muscles by working out. It was a long and hard road, but I dont' want to get into this here, the point is I lost my weight.

I wasn't even looking for a relationship at that time, I concentrated on my work and my body. But this year I started dating again. I made a new profile under a different name on my local community site, and a week later I had a date. And it went well, we ended up at her place ...

But I wasn't happy, I felt angry the whole evening, when she complimented me on how nice I was, and how we like the same musik, and share hobbies, and ... I thought "Bitch you don't give a shit about my hobbies and likes, they are the same as they were four years ago, and nobody noticed me then." So I played it nice, until we were naked, fucked her hard until I came. I didn't even hold back, took me less than a few minutes. I threw down a lame excuse and got the hell out of there, with a smile on my face.

And so it went on, I felt disgusted with the sudden attention of woman. And a few months later in summer the irony of fate hit me. A woman on my community site sent me a message, the usual want to get to know you. But I remembered her somehow. I logged back into my old account and went through my history. Sure enough it was her, she still used her same account. We messaged for over a month back in the days, until she saw the first picture of me, then it ended with a 'you fat ugly timewaster'.

I hoped she wouldn't remember a face she looked at once a few years ago, so I went for it. And a week later we met for a date. I used all my charme and sure enough we ended up at her place after the second date. I brought my sm-bag, and with trusting eyes I asked if she trusted me and wanted to make it more fun, and recorded her answer on my phone. I gave her a safeword, and bound her over the couch, her ass exposed.

I took my crop and began to hit her so hard, in panic and pain she cried out stop, without saying the safeword, and I used all my strengh, until she remembered and cried out the safeword. I got in quite a few strokes and even draw blood. She was sobbing like mad. I cut her hands free and left her the scissors for the legs, and I left before she could free herself, with the words "I thought you wanted that and you can take it. Stupid useless bitch, wasting my time like that. Goodbye, cut yourself free yourself!"

I drove away and into the first dark ally i could find to jack off in my car. It felt so good to take revenge on that bitch. Am I bad?

And when I sit back and think about myself, I see myself as an asshole, treating woman like shit. Still I had more dates, one night stands and overall sex this year than I had in my whole life! It's like you woman don't care to be treated like shit, as long as he is good looking.

Am I right? My life says so!

TBO

[Nezhul]

All I can say is your attitude - is the way a looser thinks. You are one, and you are mad about it. You wanted somone to like you for your inner world? Haha
First of all, where did you got that idea from? A fairy tale?
Second - the fact that you were testing your girls by your fat body - sais A LOT of your inner world and it sucks. What does fat man meens? It meens that he doesn't care about himself, let alone anyone else. But in your case the reality was far worse than this. The fact that you didn't give a damn about the girl's feelings, thinking about YOURSELF. Your inner world. YOU who wasn't appreciated.
Let's face it. A guy like you is simply a scum, and you can't hide it. That's why you didn't have a girl, not because they are all bitches.
And what you are doing now is noncense! You are sick man, who invented himself a good little world where everyone are bitches, and you are the only good man.

Sure hope people like you will die lonly, because you don't deserve a woman near you. Well, let me refrase it. A rare woman deserves a horrible man like you.

have fun

oh, and by the way, I'm telling you that as a real normal dominant man. The respect is what any relationship is build on, and S&D is what takes the most respect from you to your partner. A Dom's way is to give a sub what he/she wants, not fulfilling your own desire through a sub's helplessness.
If you don't have respect, if Sub's feelings is not what's the most important to you - don't be silly. You are not dominant, you are a sadistic wierdo, an abuser, nothing more.

[darkstar]

ok to behonest you are a muppet.


firstly you totaly abused someones trust, SAFE SANE CONSENSUAL your actions are non of these. and are a piss poor thing for the entire kink world. infact your actions are legaly assult in pretty much every country.

you enjouyed hurting someone because you had been hurt. thats the sign of quite a seriosue mental illness which you realy should go and get yourself checked for. for your own good ifnot that of the world around you.

as to your actions of leaving her tied even slightly. thats just criminal. i realise that you arnt going to read this as anything other than an attack on you assuming you ever come back to read it instead of scampering off to your little trolls lair to jack off over how hard you were, or how much of a man you are.

[pagankinktress]

I'm sorry to hear that life has not always been so pleasant for you. It's clear that you've been living with a lot of pain and low self esteem. However, I find it problematic that you've learned NOTHING from your pain and past experiences. On one hand, it was good that you started to take more control of your life (i.e. taking better care of your body, the weight loss, etc), and yet on the other hand, you strike me as having serious anger issues. I'm not even going to start in on the way you supposedly treated that woman you recently played with; the other posters have already stated the obvious. What you did could easily land you in jail. The only thing I have to add is there is a HUGE difference between being a "sadist" within a BDSM context and being an abuser who uses BDSM games as an excuse to take out their anger and frustration. Sadly, your years of rejection and anger directed at yourself seem to be controlling YOU. Get some help, please.

You needn't spend so much energy dissecting the difference between how you were perceived before weight loss vs how women see you now. A person could be drop-dead celebrity level gorgeous and still be ugly as sin on the inside. And when all is said and done, you are the one that has to live with your ugliness. Your post here has only confirmed that your inner-ugliness is poisoning you.

[green]

Hey there BigOne ;)...

I do understand your anger and theres alot of truth in what you say.
Though some women may say the same about men...

I wouldnt judge you on what you did, it was triggered by the years of loneliness and anger you went through. It's good that you could finally get your feelings back, but please don't act the way you did again.
It won't ever make you happy.

I really hope that you will find your special someone, that person that always loved you...

Good luck.

~green~

[tormented]

I've read and re-read your post, and replies a number of times trying to digest it all.

I understand how you feel. It is so very easy to be bitter. Very easy to be cruel. And very easy to be an asshole.

However, it is very difficult to look past all of this and see in people what you expected them to see in you.

How do I know what you're talking about? What the fuck do I know about pain and rejection?

Well, allow me a minute.

You can lose weight, as you said you did. But how do you undo being mulatto? How do you change the fact that your mixed race and your mother gave up at birth because of that. You don't, you can't. What you do is endure an unsegregated, yet very racist '70's America.

You may have worked very hard to lose weight but I probably tried twice as hard to put on weight. All that effort and I never weighed more than 150 lbs until I turned thirty.

Throw in having to wear glasses since I was 13 and did'nt stop until I had corrective surgery when I was 35.

Tall, skinny, glasses and neither white nor balck led to a long and painful life.

However, instead of being utterly bitter and hateful, I somehow found a very loving and caring wife who has given me a beautiful family.

So in sum it is very easy to be ugly when you act ugly, but it's very, very hard not to be. You worked hard to lose weight, why not put forth a little more effort and lose the 'tude. Otherwise you're no better than those with whom you're angry at.

Just my two cents.

[sexualreflex]

But I wasn't happy, I felt angry the whole evening, when she complimented me on how nice I was, and how we like the same musik, and share hobbies, and ... I thought "Bitch you don't give a shit about my hobbies and likes, they are the same as they were four years ago, and nobody noticed me then." So I played it nice, until we were naked, fucked her hard until I came. I didn't even hold back, took me less than a few minutes. I threw down a lame excuse and got the hell out of there, with a smile on my face.

I have a problem with this. She wasnt lieing to you about sharing your hobby you know. She probably shared it when you where fat aswell, the problem is, when you where fat you where not attractive and she didnt want to share that hobby with you.

You cant resent people for not going out with you when you where not attractive. Just my 2 cents.

[TheBigOne]

Oh and I am reading this.

And I only mentioned the most extreme cases this year. The one I caned brutally really deserved it, you can't tell me you never felt good after getting revenge on someone. You can't honestly tell me you never got even with someone in your life, and it didn't feel exhilarating!

And why should i change my attitude? I get layed constantly, I fuck them how I want, toss them around how I like it, use them for my pleasure. I don't concern myself if she likes it or not, sometimes I get thrown out, but more often they call me asking to meet again. Seriously try it out guys, just have a decent body, and dress expensive so you look like you have more money than you actually have.

You cant resent people for not going out with you when you where not attractive.

I resent them for lying to my face for the reasons. Look at partner profiles, well today they got more complex, but simple questions like "most important Qualities in your partner" remain. And what do you read most of the time?

- cares about me / can depend on him / trustworthy
- truthful / faithfulness / respects me
- understands what i'm saying / intelligent
- can talk to him about everything / commutative
- makes me laugh / humor
- shares interests / same hobbies
- ...

And what comes next, some even have the audacity to write "looks don't count", "money ain't important" and so on. SERIOUSLY? Think about it, why I'm in my right to resent people to go out with me for the wrong reasons.

TBO

[Nezhul]

The one I caned brutally really deserved it

now, let me tel you - noone deserves being abused by a person he/she trusts. And a man should never hurt a women like that, and should never get revenge on a woman like that, with force. You can hurt another man - hell, you can punch somebody's face for a reason and noone will tell you a thing. But hurting a helpless tied woman (against her will that is) - is a deed of a looser, not a man. Really, you can't call yourself a man if you let your emotions control you to this extent - that's a crime, not a revenge.

Now as for the next part of your post.
You know, looks really don't count that much for a girl. But think of it - when you were fat, and dated them, how did you look? I'm not talking about visual image of your body itself. First of all, when you see a fat man (women) - you know a couple of things about him. First of all, this man doesn't bother that much about he's life. He's most probably lazy, not too strong, and you can't really depend on that person. While a man with good body in a good clother seems more strong, active and trustworthy.
You have a major mistake in your logic (wich tells of you that you aren't that smart too, after all). The looks DO count. But not in the way you think of it - not in the gradation of "beautyfull - ugly". Your looks tell everyone about your personality. And believe me, they tell more truth, than you will ever tell with your words. That's why you were dumped - because you looked like a looser. Your only problem that you remained being a looser after you changed your body, and your ugly rotten soul remained in place.

All you are - is a selfish and pretty dumb and straight-forward man. Do you think that the ammount of girls you fucked - is something that can represent your status? Hell not. If I want, I'll probably manage to fuck a new girl every week - after all, there are even special training programs to be able to convince almost every random girl to sex - fast and cheap. But is it what really matters? Heck not. Even your nickname represents your inner problem - you want to be better than everyone else, to place yourself higher above us. The irony is, that you fall deeper and deeper with your attitude to women and life in general. As I already said - you are nothing more than a scum, that looks good on the outside, but is completely rotten inside.

[teasetoy]

You are clearly suffering from a mental illness that possibly stems from being rejected for superficial reasons. I am not a psychologist, so it boggles my mind why someone who has been the victim would want to become the perpetrator. Oh, wait... no it doesn't. It makes perfect sense. It makes so much sense that it makes me question the authenticity of your post.

If any of what was said is true, then you are, sadly, still suffering. It probably feels good to externalize pain rather than internalize it, no doubt. Pain and hate are symptoms of a disease. It's like cancer. It perverts and distorts reality to the point where an angry little child becomes a hateful, evil person.

Congratulations on overcoming your physical hurdles. It's too bad you haven't overcome your mental ones.

[Nezhul]

It's not an ilness. If you say that this man is ill, than I should say that all terrorists, criminals and all other - are ill too.

Don't be mistaken. Ilness is something that happens to a person against hes will, and that person can't be blamed. The case here is different. A being in front of us is just a jerk, who struggles to justify he's wickedness.

[dubble]

Big One, I'm not here to judge you, but taking 'revenge' on others like you do is plain wrong. You're helping to give men a bad name. Okay, you used to be fat and 'unwanted'. Why were you overweight? In most cases (other than health/medical issues), people tend to become overweight from deeper lying issues.... which is probably your case since to chose to 'take it out' on some of the women you met and who believed in you. What made you get fat? Pure laziness? Family issues? Job? Feeling sorry for yourself? Low self esteem? Small penis? From a woman's point of view, you were fat and just didn't take care of yourself. So why would they be interested in you? Most women (I've met) actually like a man who CAN take care of himself AND them! Yes, there are those who will try to use you for money, status, etc. But would you have wanted a relation with any of those shallow types anyways? You projected yourself in a negative way when you were fat, a negativity that many women (the smart ones anyway) wouldn't touch with a 10' pole. Sheeesh, you remind me of a certain female on this site.... a serious man-hater. Maybe you two need to get in touch!

If you want to be a woman-hater that's just fine. But there are those of us like myself, (both men AND women), who are fit, have great jobs, have an education, hold many talents, etc. that have been equally 'screwed' by a member of the opposite sex. Dude, you need to be a stand-up guy and move on. You're potentially ruining any possibility of having a fulfilling relationship, even a kinky D/s, s&m one if that's what you choose. You continue to 'take it out' on women you did not know when you were fat. Revenge can feel good to a point, but also know there is this thing called 'karma'... and you will get yours. Quit being a bitter old man. There are 14 year-olds that are more mature than you. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, seek help professionally to find the deeper hatred inside you, then make a useful contribution to society.

[dix]

"We messaged for over a month back in the days, until she saw the first picture of me, then it ended with a 'you fat ugly timewaster'."

Just another example of how shallow human beings really are.

I do agree though that you should never violate the trust that someone puts in you in a situation like that, but at the same time a shallow, little parasite got it's just deserts.

I ain't gonna be judgemental but just try to remember that what comes around goes around. People won't treat you nicely if you're mean to them.

D.

[Outlaw]

There is no big mystery in this.

1. Women and men are attracted more to beautiful and healthy people. Being fat won't help you, this is fully justifiable by evolution and their instincts (which is what matters). You can't change that.

2. If you are a nice guy, reasonably intelligent and with a healthy attitude towards investing time getting to know your partner, you will be able to hold a relationship. Having poor social skills doesn't really help.

3. If you are a jerk you will get occasional partners but won't hold a relationship. This means less sex, and of course no intimacy for which most of us care for. In your case, you may even end up to trouble with the law.


It is no surprise at all to me that after working on your body you started getting more attention from women. They were attracted to you, including your new attitude. Before you were nor attractive and nor experienced (no relationships and needy). If you stop being a total asshole, you will be even more "successful" and perhaps you will make a woman happy.

What surprises me, is how you were "submissive" initially. Was it submission or an inferiority issue? This troubles me really.

[shell]

Feels physically sick when I read this.......but not only what the author said, but also about the rude comments about "fat" people.

*shakes my head and swallows over and over again to get the fowl taste of this thread out of my mouth*