To be inlove with a Dead woman shapes my desires

[biboytv]

I don't know why I'm writing this, other then it's a release for me of pent up guilt. My new deviant sexual pursuits, are related to the death 2-years ago of the lady I really truly loved in my life. I'll call her "K" and she died 2-years ago this month, and I'm still not over it, but at least I have stop crying whenever I was feeling depressed or thinking about her. K was the sexiest, most beautiful woman that I ever had, her Ass was exceptional, looked like a 18 year old girl's, in fact she was 40 when she died and her best friends teenage daughter gave her some of her old pants, very low hip riders that gave me an instant erection every time I saw her in them, of course she loved that, teasing me and making me horny, but that's alright, because in the 4-years we were together, she never once refused me sex when I wanted it, but then again her sexual libido was stronger then mine most of the time. In that 4-years I don't think there was more then a day or two that we weren't screwing, and I mean sex that lasted for hours and hours, but when drugs are involved, I guess it's to be expected. That's why I sometimes wonder if the sex and relationship really was as great as I think it was at the time, and now. I really can't deny how incredible the sex was, we seemed to have been a perfect fit of needs, want's, and unknown sexual desires at the perfect stage in our lives, no inhibition when it came to relating these wants to each other. She secretly wanted to be held down, have her hair pulled tight and be fucked in the Ass long and hard, like a bad girl would. I'd never had a women want or let me do anything like that before, and it gave me incredibly strong feelings I'd never felt before, I wanted her to hurt and whimper a little as I fucked that incredible tight Ass harder & harder, telling her "she was made to be fucked in the Ass" and could take it, because she had before. When I would finally cum, with my cock as deep as I could get it, the orgasm seemed to go on for hours, and when I came she would too with such force I thought I'd really hurt her. After as was done I would always have such overwhelming feelings of guilt, that I'd forced her and really hurt her, it would sometimes make me start crying and repeatedly tell her how Sorry I was, and didn't mean to hurt her! but she'd reassure me, and tell me how much she loved me, and that I really didn't hurt her. But the guilt was still there, and is still strongly with me today. And this is why I believe that my new found sexual desires to be dominated, punished and force to suck a cock as I'm being fucked in the ass, dressed as a women, has something to do with it. TO BE CONTINUED, until my story is told, and maybe my ghosts released. Goodnight sweet girl...I miss you...

[EdwardHyde]

my condolences, it must be hard to lose someone you love so dearly. I know I can't say anything to soften your pain but I really wish I could.