Toxic Treat Question: Who's is alone on Valentine's and why

[SophiaStafford]

Who out there is alone on Valentine's Day? And why?

"alone", in this sense, means genuinely not having any sexual or romantic experiences whatsoever, nor any expectation of that potential.

"Valentine's Day", for the purposes of this question, can be fudged to extend to tonight (Saturday Night).
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Who isn't getting or giving flowers? When sociologists claim there will be more copulation than any other night of the year, when the restaurants are full of normal couples dancing together, who out there is going to be home alone, by themselves, no partner and no hope of one, just sadly wasting away looking at pictures of people who are hotter than anyone they'll ever get to touch?

:)

And if you qualify in this category of "The Alone", what is your story? How old are you? How is it you manage to spend this long in life and still not figure out how to date?

Sophia

[demosthenes]

I'll be alone tonight and Valentine's. The day is a pet-hate of mine, because I've always been alone on it. It annoys me.

I'm 25. As for my story and reasons... I'm the shy type and kinda nerdy, and I tend to like strong-willed women, maybe my standards are too high. My partners have been few but wonderful in any case. That said I think it's fair to say I 'never figured out how to date'. I've been alone a long while now and have been hung up on one woman for years.

And indeed there will be no flowers. I'll be hoping the day passes quickly.
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Woe is me! More whinging to come. Reading that post kind of hurt though, I have to say!

[androgyme]

I'm 24 and yeah, I'll be alone over Valentine's, just as I always am. Not that it bothers me. I'm kind of what you would call a loner. I'm too selfish to ever want to be with anyone for any period of time, so I don't really date. My time is my time, and I like being able to do whatever I want. As for Valentine's Day, I don't care, and I've never cared.

I realize I probably sound like a lot of people who don't have dates over Valentine's, but in my case it is actually true.

And instead of wasting away looking at pictures of people "hotter" than myself, I'll probably just be reading a good book and listening to music. That's my idea of good times.

On another note, from a complete fantasy point of view, that post was incredible hot.

Just my two cents.

[nakedoncam]

I will be alone for for the great VD ha 23 and been alone for most Valentines Day, reason for being alone I always get stuck in the friends zone because i cant be an asshole to a woman its retard and guys who do make me sick, they are just little boys with little dicks who cant appreciate what a woman has to offer

[JohnAdams]

25 and I broke up with my girlfriend in January and haven't managed to find a new one yet. Kinda sucks because being a bit of a hopeless romantic I had something special planned. Oh well, fortunately this day comes around every year, so there's always another opportunity next time round.

[jlx666]

Hello, Sophia.

I'm 23 now, and I'm going to spend this weekend alone, most probably because that is what I want...

Valentine's Day is that kind of holiday, only good for the people who want to make money on something no-one needs. If I really love someone, I don't need to wait until Valentine's Day to buy her flowers or jewerly, or anything else, that would make her happier. That's why me and my ex-girlfriends always ignored this day.

For a reason why i am alone right now, hmm... I never dated many girls, because I'm that kind of romantic person that wants to find something serious, a relationship, that will last forever. That's why I always tried to become friends at first. Both my ex-girlfriends knew me for at least 6 months when we started dating. Both relationships ended with 'her' lying to me. The last one ended last summer, so I think, that I'm just not yet ready to let someone new fool me again.

And by the way, they both were at least as hot as the most girls in the teases on this site, the last even did a bit modelling. And I touched them. (= I actually always wandered how that kind of model-looking girls dated someone like me. I wouldn't say, that I am ugly or something, but I look a bit specific. So there still are girls, that not only value how you look like or maybe even have that weird taste. (= Even if it doesn't last for too long. Or maybe it does... I still have got a bit time to find out somewhen...

Please excuse me for talking too much, and of course for my english. (=

Alex.

[Salerio]

23, am still waiting to share one. Will probably go work. I have been on one date in my life. I even look pretty decent, but the dating game is mostly mental. I assume, anyway. Either way, no solid explanations.

[Makarov]

On Valentine's Day I shall be one of the alone.

I am 27 years old, and for the longest time I thought I was meant to be alone. I'm sure that's just my way of avoiding the real issues, such as lack of confidence, but I'm pretty sure my bad luck has something to do with it. I could keep going on how girls just don't seem interested in me and how every single girl I'm interested in slowly disappears from my life, but then I'd just get depressed. So I'll stop now. Valentine's Day is just depressing and this year I might just find myself a little bit of company in a glass. Or a bottle.

[Shawn_m_virgin]

24, all alone as always. I guess the main reason is because I have basically no social skills, can never tell if a girl likes me or is flirting or whatever. The only girl I ever dated was a friend for a while then she asked me out, so I jumped on it. She ended up dumping me after a few weeks, and to be honest it was my fault, I was just so inexperienced that I didn't know how to act, or how to be in a relationship. I don't know if I would have more success now that I'm older ( this was about 5 years ago ) but don't think there is much in my future as far as that goes.

[Heathcliff]

Enjoying watching the boys squirm, Sophia?

[dubble]

Hi Sophia. Cool thread, so here's my 2 cents, my thoughts, my story.

Your inquiry is actually pretty loaded and gets more complex in my opinion. But I do tend to analyze and over-analyze, thinking rational thoughts.

It is my choice to be single at this point in my life. To me, I'd rather be single and happy rather than being with someone that makes me miserable (which, sadly, seems to be the case in so many relationships today). I'm definitely not opposed to meeting a wonderful woman, nor am I afraid of committing to one. I actually do hope for that in my life. I just haven't met her yet. I'm happy with who I am and my life. I know I have a lot to offer. I'm not going to just 'settle'. I'm not one who wants a one-nighter. Never had one and never will. I choose to not date a lot. I'm a one-woman kind of guy and look only for a LTR. I prefer to get to know a woman as a friend first. Without friendship, I feel there can be nothing more. I'm usually a pretty good judge of character, which helps me in being selective about whom I choose as a friend, preferring a deep relation with each friend. While being friends, I can evaluate her life to see if there could be something more between us, a spark, some interest, commonalities. Being friends first also takes a LOT of pressure off the dating aspect: the posturing, trying to impress someone and all the B.S. that goes with 'normal' dating. I don't play the dating games. I like being taken for face-value. It's nice because we can really be ourselves and bond, seeing more of one another on a personal level rather than one that is a facade to impress upon another. If there's a spark, we each feel it, know it, and eventually act upon it. I'm not in a hurry to meet someone. If it is meant to be, it will happen. No big deal to me. I can take it or leave it. I date when I want to, but usually choose to do my own thing. I'm happier that way. Some people hate being single and feel lonely. I am definitely not one of them. I think one must be comfortable with one's own self and appreciate being alone before one can appreciate being with someone.

When I 'just dated', the women turned out to be, to me, over-emotional, immature, self-centered, needy, and/or psychotic, with too much baggage, still stuck on their ex, and/or too unstable for me to want to deal with. Sure women look good, feel good, smell good, taste good... but dealing with so much B.S. on a consistent basis isn't worth it to me. So.... I choose not to date unless it can lead to something more, long-term, but on a rational, realistic level, starting with friendship. I have yet to meet one who can keep up with me, stimulate my mind and body, be of sound mind and body, and not be so high-maintenance. Yes, my life is missing romance as well as the physical aspects, but from my experiences, that isn't worth the hassle, stress, mental anquish, baggage, and B.S. that comes with many women. It isn't an even trade-off. Besides, as one previous post stated, why wait 'til Valentine's Day to celebrate your love for/with another. It should be and always has been an everyday thing when I was in a relationship.

Maybe I don't qualify because of your statement of "genuinely not having any sexual or romantic experiences whatsoever". I have some, but limited, obviously. In any regard, I wanted to speak my piece, speaking my peace.... and I do give myself fresh cut flowers from my garden quite often.

Some of you guys who posted previously: yes, dating was 90% mental in my book too. Well I'm not a pro, obviously. But things that helped me: Not trying too hard (That was big. Women seem to pick up on this!). Learn to be comfortable with who you are. Staying up on current affairs and news helped me to have something to talk about, having something intelligent and/or witty to say. I forced myself to speak to others when in public in a 'non-threatening' atmosphere (my term for when I wasn't interested in them), helping me become comfortable speaking with women. They REALLY ARE people, so don't be afraid or feel intimidated if they are very physically attractive. I started out by speaking to every teacher, every cashier I came across... even going to the store every day just to get more comfortable, more familiar, and for practice ...(the more familiar I got, the more I loosened up. It makes sense, right?)... small talk, news, current events, finding something visibly unique about her to comment or compliment her on. I listened and learned to turn nearly every statement into a question. Many women love to talk about themselves, so ask questions and your conversation might go on and on.... . You hear time and again how most women love confidence in a man! So grow a pair! If you are submissive by nature, you can still be submissive to her but while being a man, being confident. Dating takes practice, but if you want it bad enough, you can make it happen. I did and can now comfortably go speak with total strangers or get dates quite easily whenever I choose. Don't give too much information. Be nice but leave them wanting more... and they'll be calling you.

[whacker44]

Well i gave flowers..and two plants

[lil_sissy4]

28, and I'll be alone. Why? Generally speaking, women aren't attracted to men who are not interested in physical or emotional intimacy and have no sense of passion about anything. There's really no one in my life that I'd rather spend time with on a consistent basis than being alone.

Plus, even if there was, I'm a bit old fashioned. I see dating as a courtship for marriage, and as my life is very transient (moving every year or so) I'm not really in a position to get settled in a relationship, and every time I've been in a long distance one, it's ended in disaster and I am not going there again.

[SophiaStafford]

Very lovely responses all.

It's ironic, in a way, because those of you who are alone are having an experience of sorts that I will never have and one that I, almost by self-definition can't have. I've always been really fascinated with the "Alone on Valentine's Day" effect, where people who feel bad about their inability to find intimacy feel particularly bad on Valentine's.

Because as many of your point out, _choosing_ solitude is an entirely different experience than having such solitude forced upon you. Since about 11 years old or so, I've never once been "unable" to find someone interested in me. On the contrary, for most women (the majority, not even just the cream of the crop), we live in a world where people constantly assail us with their overflowing desires. Women don't just get offers, we get Jehovah's Witness-grade insistence. We live in a world filled with glorified drug addicts who would sacrifice their own wives and children for a chance to spend time with us.

Since dating advice came up, I'd mention to keep that in mind. I know your day is filled with solitude and monotony and you would be thrilled to be hit on. But for women, we get hit on non-stop, 24/7. From the guy we buy coffee from in the morning to the doorman of our building, we get offers incessantly. The novelty of being desired wore off long ago, and if you want to stand out from the masses, you have to have something special about you. If you don't know what that is, then, chances are, the woman you're interested in won't be able to figure it out either.

S

[demosthenes]

A few exaggerations in there, I think!

But it's true - women do always, always have offers. I was talking about it with a friend the other day when she 'decided' to sleep with a stranger. I remarked that for me it just doesn't work like that.