FB: The girlfriend

[joewanker]

My first tease. Long time lurker of Milovana, figured I'd give it a shot.

It's a little short, but sweet. Any feedback?

[SexualChoc]

Welcome to posting
and tease writing!!

feedback:
I actully though you had photos of different models for the first few pages
the hair color, outfit change makes her look like a different model !!
I suggest that you stick with one outfit for several tease pages to avoid confusion,
Or at least add, "I'm going to change" somewhere in the tease.
Page 13 had a bit to much text, I had to scroll down to click the continue button)
<Not a major thing though>
on page 16 you end with: "let's get that cum out of you"
and then the poor stroker is NOT supposed to have cum
I recomend you edit it to something like:
"Get ready to <let that cum out of you> get close as you can baby and..."

Not a bad tease for a first try!
Please write more (and post more too)

[doink]

I did enjoy the tease. Good looking model. I utterly HATE tattoos on women, though. That was a minus. I dunno who started the fad--- I can't think of anything more un-feminine that a tattoo. I don't care where ya put it. ---Doink.

[cumhardy]

Hey,
great writing :) please write more I enjoyed it altough I agree with what sexualchoc said about the changing outfits, i find it a bit distracting, but whatever, just write them how you want...
the most important thing: it was readable, and hot!

[joewanker]

Thanks for the feedback!

I actually do agree with the outfit changing thing. It was tough to find pics of this girl from the same photoshoot that weren't all nudes lol. Which is fine and all, but yes, I like the idea of mentioning she is going to be changing, so I'll keep that in mind for the future if I run into the same situation again.

Thanks again!

[joewanker]

Made some little changes to the tease based on the feedback.

Should be good for the most part now.

[nevercum]

I loved the tease.

Is definetely my kind of tease!

I will show this to my girlfriend to give her some ideas!!!

Congratulations!!

[joewanker]

It's funny you mention that. I'm currently trying to work up the courage to show my gf as well!

I hope your plan works out!