What does a woman want in return?

omssx · Post by **omssx** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 2:52 pm

Heres one mainly for the ladies here, what do you want in return from your slaves? We all "pretend" that the man's frustration and teasing and pain is for the woman and the man gets nothing but in reality the man *wants* it so he is probably getting most of the enjoyment (except in a case of a few of you devious ladies that really do enjoy the begging etc... you know who you are ;) )

Let me explain, there is a girl i talk to online and we had an on/off mistress/slave thing that mainly revolved around complete denial, to my dismay (i prefer lots of teasing and such, not complete denial!!) but we no longer engage and id really love to get back into it with her, she is sexy in body and mind and very devious!

But what can i offer in return? She knows i enjoy the frustration to a level and even the pain so what can i offer *her*?

selphie · Post by **selphie** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 3:40 pm

well money is always nice !!! (smile)

omssx · Post by **omssx** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 5:46 pm

Haha, simple pleasures!

but no, apart from money!

Do they seek amusement from their sub's pain or humiliation? Simply the thrill of control?

selphie · Post by **selphie** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 8:02 pm

Well for my husband it is because I know he loves it, for another man it would have to be something like that..it could never be the same cuz I love him

MistressD · Post by **MistressD** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:21 pm

omssx wrote:Haha, simple pleasures!

but no, apart from money!

Do they seek amusement from their sub's pain or humiliation? Simply the thrill of control?

I think it's very possible that the answer differs from woman to woman.

I don't get any thrill out of humiliation, maybe a little from inflicting pain (only to a point though) and I definitely love the power of being in control.

But more than anything it's the added level of intimacy with my husband that this lifestyle brings. And like Selphie says, it's also because my husband likes it (well most of it anyway!)

To be honest I can't imagine doing something this personal for money, but obviously there are plenty of pro-dommes so some women can do that.

Ideally I think you need to try to have an honest conversation with your lady to see what it is that makes it worthwhile for her.

Mistress D

Post by **SexualChoc** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:32 pm

A few things

while you enjoyed what was, she apparently doesn't
1. is it possible she like teasing you but want more sex?
2. stability, compassion, intellect, and especial someone who listens.

As always I recomend doing stuff for your partner but do Not ask for anything

be careful you don't go "stalker"
maybe she just wants space.

there are several love languages
praise, deeds, touch, ect.
http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

find hers and run with it!

Hope that helps.

Lord Byron · Post by **Lord Byron** » Wed Sep 16, 2009 4:18 pm

I'm not a woman (at least not last time I checked

) but as a Dominant, there are many things I enjoy about teasing. One major thing is certainly the way it makes the sub feel. But I also enjoy the tactile pleasure of smacking someone on the ass, or the visual pleasure of seeing them do it. I enjoy seeing a man humiliate and emasculate himself for me, and I immensely enjoy the feeling of power I get from it. Many people say Dominants don't enjoy dominating and just do it for love of the subs, and I have no doubt that for some of them it's true--but there are those of us who do enjoy it. It's just not at all PC to say that you enjoy having power over someone.

Since I don't buy into the idea of binary genders, I am sure there are some women who feel the same way.

I fear that D/s is viewed in a very unenlightened way by a lot of people. For some people it seems to be OK to take pleasure in submission, but if you take pleasure in dominance--without which there can be no submission--you must be some kind of insane monster.

It's for this same reason that I fear a lot of people are afraid to switch. I am certain there are "pure dominants" and "pure submissives" out there, and probably a great deal of them. But I also am worried that many submissives who might otherwise be switches are too afraid that expressing their dominant side will make them a horrible person.

texturedshroom · Post by **texturedshroom** » Wed Sep 16, 2009 4:42 pm

omssx wrote:Heres one mainly for the ladies here, what do you want in return from your slaves? We all "pretend" that the man's frustration and teasing and pain is for the woman and the man gets nothing but in reality the man *wants* it so he is probably getting most of the enjoyment (except in a case of a few of you devious ladies that really do enjoy the begging etc... you know who you are ;) )

Let me explain, there is a girl i talk to online and we had an on/off mistress/slave thing that mainly revolved around complete denial, to my dismay (i prefer lots of teasing and such, not complete denial!!) but we no longer engage and id really love to get back into it with her, she is sexy in body and mind and very devious!

But what can i offer in return? She knows i enjoy the frustration to a level and even the pain so what can i offer *her*?

You haven't really established that she doesn't simply enjoy frustrating you. Just because you enjoy it too doesn't mean it's not something you can offer her. If you enjoy giving a gift to someone, does that make it any less of a gift?

On the other hand, if you really want to offer her something besides control of your orgasms (which TBH is a pretty big thing to give someone), I'm sure you have some kind of skill that could be put to use. For example, I'm a writer, so I used to write a poem for my Domme every week.

sexilexi · Post by **sexilexi** » Wed Sep 16, 2009 5:13 pm

My first thought is taking on a denial experiment for her.
Since you said that you like teasing, but not long term denial, make this effort to regain her attention by saying you'll go without cumming for a certain amount of time that exceeds what you've done in the past.
Or even until she decides you can cum!

If she's anything like me, the begging will please her greatly.
So imagine how much she'll enjoy the most frustrated begging you've ever done!

texturedshroom · Post by **texturedshroom** » Wed Sep 16, 2009 5:25 pm

Just to expand a little... it gets kind of tricky to make an online D/s relationship completely reciprocal unless the Domme seriously enjoys the act of dominance. When I had a RL Mistress I would balance out the things she would do for me by giving her foot massages, which she really enjoyed. I had never given a foot massage before I met her, so when I heard she liked them I read all this stuff on the Internet about how to give a good one. She enjoyed them so much that it soon became a requirement that I give her a thorough foot massage before she flogged me.

She enjoyed flogging me, but the fact that I would do something purely for her beforehand really made her happy.

As a side note, me doing this for her caused me to develop a foot fetish. So maybe if I ever get back with her I'll have to come up with yet another way of selflessly making her happy :P

Nika Ferlinghetti · Post by **Nika Ferlinghetti** » Wed Sep 16, 2009 10:24 pm

Well, speaking for myself, I love humiliation. Love it beyond reason. I love seeing what you wank-monkeys will do just for permission to tug it.

Beyond that, I want a toy who is interesting! Not so much challenging as stimulating to me. I want someone who puts some energy into the relationship. I want to know what you are feeling and thinking, I want to know if I went too far, or if there is more for me to take.

But, if I've tired of you, or you've upset me, you're probably done for.

Nika

wanker · Post by **wanker** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 1:26 am

I think it's a two way street. Both party should disclose and elaborate on their desires and limits. As MsD hinted, it will vary from person to person. Communication is key. And have the discussion before initiating anything so as to avoid any unnecessary frustration which for some, like Nika, could be irreversible.

bobroberts · Post by **bobroberts** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 10:59 am

i'm a switch, so i've had the joy of playing from both sides of the dominance coin. there is just something sexy about someone who will do anything to get you off, even if it means denying themselves pleasure. it's my opinion that everyone plays these d/s games in bed, but most aren't as conscious of it as we are! so personally, i think it is the subs excitement as well that gets the dom or domme going.

What does a woman want in return?

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