The BMF Kink

[cristovaop]

Yeah, it is a generic topic that came after a certain tease went on-line and got me thinking. Not only because of that, but also because we had some other BMF teases here, one very tricky (that made me very excited). The tease linked is very well done is so many aspects that it inspired me to write this more broad discussion about the whole kink.

BMF kink, IMHO, is based on three pillars: Trust/fear, loss of control, recognition.

Trust/fear is obvious. You wouldn't give any info to anyone you wouldn't even try to trust a little. The fear is important (I've seem some dommes using the term "fearsexual") since we all know that the human psychology finds what is dangerous, exciting. Ironically I've also saw some dommes trying to remove the bad connotation from the kink by calling it whitemail, information control and other terms. This trust must be build up slowly. No one will sent too many info in the fist encounter. The more generic, "everyone can know that info" is sent, better, in the beginning.

Loss of control is such a cool pillar. Men have so many ingrained responsibilities as a person, in their job, in their home, in their family. So many responsibilities and the need to have control over so many things, that for once, relieving this control to someone else feels liberating. It is the same pillar that attracts people to femdom, hypnosis and many other D/s kinks with men in the submissive role.

Recognition is a whole aspect/pillar I feel it is almost exclusive to BMF. Exactly because the dominant person have information about the subject, the relationship gets personal really easy and quick. The submissive person feels seem by someone else. It may looks contradictory to the control above, but many men who must exert control daily in their lives often feel themselves not recognized as a person. So when a BMF teases about something from the RL part of the submissive, he thinks "[dominant] knows about me". And that's why this kink is so hard to "mass produce" - the dominant can make generic threats, but nothing beats a simple google image of your address sent by the dominant. It shows commitment.

Do you think there's more to the kink? Please add your thoughts below. Have you tried BMF before? Enjoyed, why? did not enjoyed, why?

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Adding my private experience to it, I've dabbled with some C4S videos on the subject and the only domme that kept my attention for more than one/two clips was a domme that answered the e-mails mentioning the info sent (so no obvious generic auto-message). That kept me going until she vanished.

[Magenta0285]

It's something I would love to try - really being forced to comply with genuine consequences for disobeying. Problem is, I wouldn't trust anyone online enough to hand over that control, as I have no guarantee that it would stay as a bit of fun, and not turn much more serious even with full compliance. As they always say - once it's sent, it's on the internet forever.

It's a difficult one to solve. Ideally I'd like a way to put a significant amount of money at risk anonymously, but give someone else control over whether that money is returned or donated to charity.

[stick_x]

Sorry for my ignorance, but what does BMF stand for?

[Magenta0285]

Blackmail fantasy, the idea being that (for example) you send someone something compromising, like a picture of yourself that you wouldn't want your grandmother to see, and then you have to do what they say under threat of your picture being posted online.

Sounds exciting, but there are many ways it could end very badly.

[stick_x]

I see. It’s a high-risk move with a lot of ways it could go south, so you’d need serious trust in your partner, not something to try with a stranger you cannot trust