Online vs Offline

[IronRose]

Just something I’ve been thinking about lately, and I’d love to hear how others feel.

- Where do you feel most like yourself — online or offline?
- And where do you feel safer being that version of you?

In everyday life, I spend a lot of energy hiding certain parts of myself. Things I’m into, things I fantasize about, the kinky parts. I keep them tucked away because not everyone needs to know. But even online, I find myself doing a different kind of hiding. I have to be careful about what I share, who I trust, and how much people can find out about me.

For those of you who keep your kink life separate from your day-to-day life, here’s something I’ve been wondering.

If money wasn’t a problem, if nothing was holding you back, and you could actually be with whoever your kinky heart wanted… would you change your life to live it out fully?

Or do you prefer keeping it a secret, something just for you and the few people who really get it?

Just curious what this looks like for you.

[Shattered]

I think while I wouldn't mind *most* of my kinks being known by friends, chastity is one I want to keep to kink partners only. Most kinks are one you can discuss in the abstract but stay in the bedroom for the most part. I don't think wearing a cage bothers or involves anyone by itself, but if regular friends know and had cause to wonder if even for a moment if I'm locked...rubs me the wrong way.

[manwithcape]

I don't hide my preferences in real life.
But I also just don't want to talk about that with certain people, just like vanilla people don't talk about it with everyone.

Kinky or vanilla, your coworkers don't need to know about your sexlife.
If those coworkers also become good friends the line can get blurry and something could be shared, but they still don't need specifics. And being kinky has nothing to do with that.

partners, fwb, a certain type of friends, ...
That's the group of people who get to know more and who can share in your experiences and stories about them.
Once again wether those stories are vanilla or kinky, it's the relationship with the people that determines if they get a peek behind the curtain or not. It's not determined by the content of the story.

[allinone]

I prefer online.!!

Online I'm truly myself, I don't think it'll be easy for me in offline situation, though the kink life can be shared with sexual partners but not comfortable with sharing or talking or anything with people about it. I think in my case it is like this cause I have some extreme kinks and people may judge me on them.!!
And I also think there's another kind of feeling and rush one feels when they keep their kink life a secret. Having a secret life is also exciting right?

[sarahlucyjals]

So, i thought this was an obvious question with an obvious anwer, but actually as i tried to write this i have ended up thinking about it for a quite ridiculously long time...

For me, online and offline aren't really that different. They both have kink-relevant spaces and people, and non-kink-relevant spaces and people - and even in the kink-relevant bits, there are still great chunks of my kink and sexual history that i don't tell most people. And i don't feel any less myself or inauthentic for that, because me is someone who doesn't want to include people in things they might not be comfortable with. Poorly concealed pity, disgust, and the not-nice-sort-of-predatory are emotions i have seen enough of :)

For all that i am drenched in kink, and see the world constantly through a weird subby viewpoint, i feel safest and most complete in non-kink spaces - because in kink-land, even though i love it and need it to keep me sane, the only thing of interest to anyone is my kinks and my holes ;) And sometimes i just wanna talk about books, and how my cat misbehaves, and wedding plans, and gripe about being too lazy to fix my house up...

So all in all, i might have still failed to answer the question!
love you all
sarah

[IronRose]

I think while I wouldn't mind *most* of my kinks being known by friends, chastity is one I want to keep to kink partners only. Most kinks are one you can discuss in the abstract but stay in the bedroom for the most part. I don't think wearing a cage bothers or involves anyone by itself, but if regular friends know and had cause to wonder if even for a moment if I'm locked...rubs me the wrong way.

Shall I say some secrets are just sexier when they stay secrets?

[IronRose]

I don't hide my preferences in real life.
But I also just don't want to talk about that with certain people, just like vanilla people don't talk about it with everyone.

Kinky or vanilla, your coworkers don't need to know about your sexlife.
If those coworkers also become good friends the line can get blurry and something could be shared, but they still don't need specifics. And being kinky has nothing to do with that.

partners, fwb, a certain type of friends, ...
That's the group of people who get to know more and who can share in your experiences and stories about them.
Once again wether those stories are vanilla or kinky, it's the relationship with the people that determines if they get a peek behind the curtain or not. It's not determined by the content of the story.

Well said! Kinky or vanilla, oversharing at the office is just… a universal no haha
It really is about the connection, not the content. Love how you put that.

[IronRose]

I prefer online.!!

Online I'm truly myself, I don't think it'll be easy for me in offline situation, though the kink life can be shared with sexual partners but not comfortable with sharing or talking or anything with people about it. I think in my case it is like this cause I have some extreme kinks and people may judge me on them.!!
And I also think there's another kind of feeling and rush one feels when they keep their kink life a secret. Having a secret life is also exciting right?

Haha yeah, I get that.
Quick question: if you could live it out loud, no judgment, no limits, would you?
Or is the secret part just too fun to give up?

[IronRose]

So, i thought this was an obvious question with an obvious anwer, but actually as i tried to write this i have ended up thinking about it for a quite ridiculously long time...

For me, online and offline aren't really that different. They both have kink-relevant spaces and people, and non-kink-relevant spaces and people - and even in the kink-relevant bits, there are still great chunks of my kink and sexual history that i don't tell most people. And i don't feel any less myself or inauthentic for that, because me is someone who doesn't want to include people in things they might not be comfortable with. Poorly concealed pity, disgust, and the not-nice-sort-of-predatory are emotions i have seen enough of :)

For all that i am drenched in kink, and see the world constantly through a weird subby viewpoint, i feel safest and most complete in non-kink spaces - because in kink-land, even though i love it and need it to keep me sane, the only thing of interest to anyone is my kinks and my holes ;) And sometimes i just wanna talk about books, and how my cat misbehaves, and wedding plans, and gripe about being too lazy to fix my house up...

So all in all, i might have still failed to answer the question!
love you all
sarah

Hey Sarah, thanks for sharing such a fresh perspective.
You answered the question in a way I didn’t expect — in fact, better than I expected.
It really got me thinking even more.
Sometimes just being “us” means more than any label or lifestyle.
It’s so real how we can be drowning in kink but still crave the simple, everyday things that make us feel whole.

[ccgssdtttew]

To answer your question is tough. Because I do enjoy keeping the 2 lives separate. So in reality, keeping it a secret and separated is the way for me!

Just like how we have different friend / social groups for our various interests, i dont really want them to mix with one another too much. Like how you are more extroverted with certain friends, and more reserved with others - while enjoying ur time in both of them of course. My running club, gaming club, drinking club, horny online (here) club, all doesnt need to interact with one another. We are all just like minded individuals gathering there to fulfil a certain desire (training, excitement, sexual urges).

I do my best to make sure both lives do not intertwine such as details. I tend to warp a little details interchangeably. For example, if im 20 yrs old irl, my profile would put im 24 yrs old, or smth. If ppl irl ask what are my kinks, I say im a switch but havent explored properly, but online im definitely a big sub. And ironically, sometimes its ok for me to be transparent and honest online - its like that saying of confiding in strangers are best.

But in fantasy world... I wish I could be 2 persons. One living my normal life, and one living my kink life. Why you may ask? Is because I do wish i could experience some of my fantasies here IRL. Such as, how does it feel going for prostitution, engaging in a dom, etc etc. My cover will be blown away IMMEDIATELY, or more like, i dont want to have any loose ends. So none of that for me.

[IronRose]

To answer your question is tough. Because I do enjoy keeping the 2 lives separate. So in reality, keeping it a secret and separated is the way for me!

Just like how we have different friend / social groups for our various interests, i dont really want them to mix with one another too much. Like how you are more extroverted with certain friends, and more reserved with others - while enjoying ur time in both of them of course. My running club, gaming club, drinking club, horny online (here) club, all doesnt need to interact with one another. We are all just like minded individuals gathering there to fulfil a certain desire (training, excitement, sexual urges).

I do my best to make sure both lives do not intertwine such as details. I tend to warp a little details interchangeably. For example, if im 20 yrs old irl, my profile would put im 24 yrs old, or smth. If ppl irl ask what are my kinks, I say im a switch but havent explored properly, but online im definitely a big sub. And ironically, sometimes its ok for me to be transparent and honest online - its like that saying of confiding in strangers are best.

But in fantasy world... I wish I could be 2 persons. One living my normal life, and one living my kink life. Why you may ask? Is because I do wish i could experience some of my fantasies here IRL. Such as, how does it feel going for prostitution, engaging in a dom, etc etc. My cover will be blown away IMMEDIATELY, or more like, i dont want to have any loose ends. So none of that for me.

Thanks for sharing! I get why you want to be two people—keeping your normal life and kink life apart feels safer.
But for me, it’s more like a plane with wheels that go up and down. When it’s flying high, the wheels are tucked in. When it’s landing or taking off, the wheels come out. Same plane, just a different mode.
I don’t want to feel like I’m flying a plane one minute and driving a car the next. That would feel way too messy.