Hey all, was just wondering what everyone thought of my first tease. I kinda geared it towards what I enjoy but I hope it appealed to others as well.
Thanks
Three Times the Heat
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Triple Alfa
- Explorer At Heart
- Posts: 175
- Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2007 12:35 pm
Re: Three Times the Heat
Well I thought it was really good for a first timer. Ready for a little constructive criticism though?
I didn't like how you didn't include a period of execution in a lot of you orders. Like "Stroke as fast as you can for 5 seconds staring only at my cleavage. Then STOP. Rest for 10 seconds, then stroke rapidly for another 5. Do this once over again and then...". Over and over again till what? That's a little too much free will if you ask me.(Might be a bit subjective, but I think most people that want to give away control over there orgasm want there stroking to be completely controlled as well.)
I also have two problems with the ending.
1) There is again too much free will. There aren't many that will go for the ruined orgasm by choice. Especially if the teaser doesn't specifically say she'd prefer that choice. You could change the text so she expresses a desire for a ruined orgasm. That might make more people choose that to please the teaser and not get punished for making the "wrong" choice.(You don't have to add those punishments, they don't know that they won't be punished.)
2) The "ORGASM 3 - You will imagine fucking me by thrusting your cock in and out of your cupped hands before physically shooting your load onto your computer screen showing an image of my beautiful ass. " is probably impossible for a lot of people(including me). First of all, my "shooting range" is full of stuff that don't react that well to water based liquids. Second, my screen is pretty far away and unless I have a really strong orgasm most will fall short. Third(and definitely no least), most people probably won't know if it can harm there LCD display.(Probably not if you clean it up with LCD cleaner.)
So overall a very nice tease with only three real flaws. Great job!
I didn't like how you didn't include a period of execution in a lot of you orders. Like "Stroke as fast as you can for 5 seconds staring only at my cleavage. Then STOP. Rest for 10 seconds, then stroke rapidly for another 5. Do this once over again and then...". Over and over again till what? That's a little too much free will if you ask me.(Might be a bit subjective, but I think most people that want to give away control over there orgasm want there stroking to be completely controlled as well.)
I also have two problems with the ending.
1) There is again too much free will. There aren't many that will go for the ruined orgasm by choice. Especially if the teaser doesn't specifically say she'd prefer that choice. You could change the text so she expresses a desire for a ruined orgasm. That might make more people choose that to please the teaser and not get punished for making the "wrong" choice.(You don't have to add those punishments, they don't know that they won't be punished.)
2) The "ORGASM 3 - You will imagine fucking me by thrusting your cock in and out of your cupped hands before physically shooting your load onto your computer screen showing an image of my beautiful ass. " is probably impossible for a lot of people(including me). First of all, my "shooting range" is full of stuff that don't react that well to water based liquids. Second, my screen is pretty far away and unless I have a really strong orgasm most will fall short. Third(and definitely no least), most people probably won't know if it can harm there LCD display.(Probably not if you clean it up with LCD cleaner.)
So overall a very nice tease with only three real flaws. Great job!
Re: Three Times the Heat
I really enjoyed this tease... I thought it was great!
I'm not quite sure what Triple Alfa is referring to... I found that the orders were quite specific and straight-forward
Also I quite like the "options". I actually was close to choosing the ruined orgasm. It was a bit of a dilemma for me… I really dislike the feel of condoms and the restrictiveness of them… plus the temptation of a full explosive orgasm, with the consequence of making a mess of and possibly damaging my laptop. The “screen shot” was never an option for me but being given the option was a bit of a mind fuck.
I like that you made the stroking times short... I don't like when teases tell you to stroke for 5 or 10 mins... it tends to get boring.
Only thing I’d like to have seen in the tease would be the “cop” angle played a little. I know it’s a bit obvious… but there was not much mention of the costume and would have been great if she could have maybe playfully acted as a cop or if there were some sort of police references thrown in.
Well done…much appreciated.
I'm not quite sure what Triple Alfa is referring to... I found that the orders were quite specific and straight-forward
Guess you miss-read that order... "Do this ONCE over again and then..."I didn't like how you didn't include a period of execution in a lot of you orders. Like "Stroke as fast as you can for 5 seconds staring only at my cleavage. Then STOP. Rest for 10 seconds, then stroke rapidly for another 5. Do this once over again and then...". Over and over again till what?
Also I quite like the "options". I actually was close to choosing the ruined orgasm. It was a bit of a dilemma for me… I really dislike the feel of condoms and the restrictiveness of them… plus the temptation of a full explosive orgasm, with the consequence of making a mess of and possibly damaging my laptop. The “screen shot” was never an option for me but being given the option was a bit of a mind fuck.
I like that you made the stroking times short... I don't like when teases tell you to stroke for 5 or 10 mins... it tends to get boring.
Only thing I’d like to have seen in the tease would be the “cop” angle played a little. I know it’s a bit obvious… but there was not much mention of the costume and would have been great if she could have maybe playfully acted as a cop or if there were some sort of police references thrown in.
Well done…much appreciated.