FB: A fantasy my girlfriend told me

[Tury]

Props to you for finding someone so kinky J.T. but I'll be honest. I'd probably kill Grant with his own genitals if that were happening to me.

Well done story tease. I'll admit. Fairly good writing and pacing.

[loveporn]

what?

[Tury]

what?

https://milovana.com/webteases/showtease.php?id=32398

[bennygrimm]

Here's my feedback, but obviously you wrote this for you, so it's cool if you like the layout as-is:

*First of all, this sorta feels like a sequel. There's a lot that happens before the story, but maybe we need a flashback? Maybe you're competing for a promotion with Grant, and he beats you out and then fires you, and maybe he somehow has you blacklisted at all of the similar firms in town, so it would make much more sense if you HAVE to work for minimum wage. How did I get fired? was a big question for me as I read this.

*Secondly, why does the girl say she's a 4/10? I'm not terribly turned on by her, but she's not a 4, for sure.

*In the situation that the protagonist is in at the beginning of the story, I'd leave my girlfriend and probably vandalize Grant's everything. I'd do a lot to sabotage his life (up to and including framing him for some kind of crime or embezzlement or sexual harrassment), and I'd like to think that if I was moderately successful before he fired me that I had enough money to not have to work in a service job for minimum wage just to make ends meet.


For me, it's always less believable when the guy is put into chastity when he's already in a bad situation. That usually only works (in my mind) in blackmail situations, which this isn't really. It accelerates a feeling of hopelessness, because once in chastity, there's a million reasons to keep him there, but prior to him being in, why would he ever get in if it's already evident that will make things worse?

Think of a story like "The Love Drug" or "Topping from the Bottom 2" - in the former, the protagonist believed Chastity would improve his situation (so he didn't have to walk around at work with a huge hard-on all day, which could get him into trouble) in the latter, the protagonist genuinely believed he was still in control, so it was easy to trick him into chastity, because of how submissive Aaliyah had been for an extended period of time - he thought he would just have to order her to unlock him and she would feel compelled to obey.


In this story however, the guy comes home, and is being Teased and Denied by his girlfriend who admits to fucking his old boss/new rival, and then, with no duress or coercion, puts on a chastity device and surrenders his orgasms/finances/personal agency to a man who his girlfriend has admitted to cheating on him with.


Basically my philosophy is:

*If I'm not in chastity, I'm not going to be cool with being taken advantage of
*If I am in chastity, I better do whatever the fuck the keyholder tells me to do, or I could be stuck here. Even if that means being stuck here for a long time, a long time is better than forever.