What are your thoughts on...

[Noah]

This site is all about exploration and I am sure we all have some sex-related questions that we cannot discuss with everyone. Maybe no one is interested in a topic like this, but it seems to be the right platform for questions about kinks, sexuality and sex in general. This topic is dedicated to explore thoughts of forum members about a specific matter. If people are interested we can make this a weekly thing.

So if you are not too busy exploring the great content of this website then feel free to leave a comment or a story that is in any way related to this week's topic!

This week's topic: What are your thoughts on masturbating and watching porn while being in a relationship?
A lot of people find it hard to tell this to their partner. Sometimes it even hurts people knowing that their partner masturbates and watches porn. In other relationships it is no big deal and it even gets stimulated. What are your thoughts on it? Any stories you'd like to share?

Feel free to share anything that is related to this week's topic! I am looking forward to your reaction!

[F4b1an]

Well, my last girlfriend is pretty long ago, so i cant really tell how she reacted to this - i guess she knew it but never talked about it with me.
I usually feel pretty uncomfortable when talking about masturbating with someone else - doesnt matter with who exactly.
And my thoughts - who cares if my girlfriend masturbates / watches porn? In my eyes its something fully natural.
If my (non existend :D) girlfriend would masturbate a lot, i would simply ask her to tell me when she´s horny, cause im always in mood for sex (Which guy isnt?).
Or maybe i wouldnt ask her, i dont know. But i wouldnt really care, honestly.

[manwithcape]

My girlfriend/sub needs my permission to masturbate and to play.
She has a tumblr where she collects her favorite porn.
Only last week she enjoyed a few porn videos which I linked her too (since I was watching them myself while she called me)

We don't live together. so it's natural that we watch porn when we are apart.
If we would move in together I fully expect that we will still watch porn.
Less because we both have quite active libidos and sex is just better. but it will still happen.

[Nezhul]

My thoughts are: If you have urge to masturbate to porn during a relationship that means that you don't get enough out of it sexually. Maybe some of your fantasies are unrealized (like you really like BDSM but can't make it happen with your partner), or simply you fuck not enough.
It's not necessarily someone's fault, there are different situations after all, but it may still be so. If you think that the matter can be resolved by simply having more real life sex with more diverse activities - by all means you should approach your partner about it and try to find more time and opportunities to fuck. It may not be possible of course.

Moral-wise, I don't think it's bad. I don't view porn as cheating, if you ask me, my girlfriend may watch any porn she wants 24/7 and drool over men there, I won't mind. People are different though. If she'd confronted me about porn and would have bad feelings about it, I would consider stopping it, just to make peace with my partner. Again, if you have enough sex, you wouldn't need porn unless you are some kind of nymph who needs to cum 10 times a day. For me porn gets really boring when I'm in a relationship, actually, but there are days when I just wanna watch something very bad, and I do.

That's what I think.

[Lestat]

I never shared this subject with any of my ex girlfriend, but if I was on the side where she is the one that masturbates over any kind of porn, that would not bother me. As long as it doesn't affect our relationship (same goes for both in that case). I would surely find that exciting in fact.

On my side, I noticed that I tend to watch less more porn when I'm engaged in a relationship. But about masturbation it doesn't change anything for me. And that's why:
What I'm about to say is very personnal and only a very few people know that (maybe 3-4 people, including 2 or 3 of my ex grilfriends and my best male friend). I like to have sex, to make love, but since my first experience, I've never been able to cum from a girl; not by penetration, not by blowjob or handjob. I just have a psychological blocking that make it not possible for me until now. So even with a girl I have to masturbate to get off; it happened it was in front of her, but most of the time I just enjoy to make love and giving her pleasure and (I get pleasure don't misunderstand me), but my pleasure (orgasm) will come later alone.
I would surely like to watch porn together but until know I never talked about it with any of my partners.

So globally for me there's no problem about watching porn and masturbation when you're in a relationship as long as it don't interfer with the quality of your relationship; sexually, sentimentaly and moraly for your partner.

[jackstock]

Try going without it while youre in a relationship. See how you feel about her. Does she seem better? Worse?
It can be kind of like denial, it makes you very amorous when you go without it. Prob different experience for everyone though

[Noah]

First of all, thanks for your reactions! It is definitely interesting to see such different experiences and thoughts on a topic like this! Feel free to keep sharing!

Well, my last girlfriend is pretty long ago, so i cant really tell how she reacted to this - i guess she knew it but never talked about it with me.
I usually feel pretty uncomfortable when talking about masturbating with someone else - doesnt matter with who exactly.
And my thoughts - who cares if my girlfriend masturbates / watches porn? In my eyes its something fully natural.
If my (non existend :D) girlfriend would masturbate a lot, i would simply ask her to tell me when she´s horny, cause im always in mood for sex (Which guy isnt?).
Or maybe i wouldnt ask her, i dont know. But i wouldnt really care, honestly.

I can relate to your feeling. For most people masturbation tends to be a secretive behavior. I think that this forum has changed it a little for me. Last year (when I was abroad) I was at a friend's place (Italian girl) and we started to talk about watching porn and masturbation. From that point on I have talked to more girls about this (including my current girlfriend). Still, I'd feel uncomfortable talking about it to specific others.
Your thoughts on it sound adaptive, but I can imagine that people stress over if you think masturbation is a sign of not getting enough out of it sexually:

My thoughts are: If you have urge to masturbate to porn during a relationship that means that you don't get enough out of it sexually. Maybe some of your fantasies are unrealized (like you really like BDSM but can't make it happen with your partner), or simply you fuck not enough.
It's not necessarily someone's fault, there are different situations after all, but it may still be so.

I guess that it is especially hard if you cannot discuss it with your partner. Some people tend to see it as a failure to please their partner. It sounds like you wouldn't have a problem like this (Nezhul). I can relate to the unfulfilled fantasies playing a big part. In new relationships I tend to be more transparant about this and it definitely decreased my urge to masturbate and to watching porn.
The moral point of view is very interesting to me. I am glad it does not trouble me.

Try going without it while youre in a relationship. See how you feel about her. Does she seem better? Worse?
It can be kind of like denial, it makes you very amorous when you go without it. Prob different experience for everyone though

I have the same experience. It even excites me to deny myself for her, but I had to introduce my fantasies into my sex life to actually experience it like that. On the other hand, I have also felt more aroused during times in my life that I masturbated a lot. I guess that could be due to conditioning. In a relationship the former seems to be the more healthy approach to experience elevated libido when you are together with your partner.

I like to have sex, to make love, but since my first experience, I've never been able to cum from a girl; not by penetration, not by blowjob or handjob. I just have a psychological blocking that make it not possible for me until now.

Seems like a hard topic to address and I think it is good that you have managed to talk about it to others and to share it here. How have your (ex) girlfriends reacted to this so far? Ever considered going to a sexologist because I can imagine that it is quite a burden for you?

My girlfriend/sub needs my permission to masturbate and to play.

We don't live together. so it's natural that we watch porn when we are apart.
If we would move in together I fully expect that we will still watch porn.
Less because we both have quite active libidos and sex is just better. but it will still happen.

That sounds like a very interesting dynamic! I can definitely see how distance and time apart increases the urge!

[Lestat]

Seems like a hard topic to address and I think it is good that you have managed to talk about it to others and to share it here. How have your (ex) girlfriends reacted to this so far? Ever considered going to a sexologist because I can imagine that it is quite a burden for you?

Thank you.

My ex girlfriends reaction were:
or they just don't care( )
or they were just a bit sad for not giving me orgasm and thought they may be responsible ( )
or they thought it was someway good as it make last long enough for them to have all the orgasms and time to play they wanted( )

And often a bit of all that I think.

So mainly it's not that bad for me...sure it is hassling, but I deal with it. After all, I just get to edge and edge and edge like we all like here And yes I did consult but without any result. Maybe someday it will solve by itself. I just try to not think too much about it and take advantage of the fact it makes last longer than many men I think.

[BarneyStinson]

My girlfriend gets upset if I am caught looking at still poses of naked girls, however she is fine with me watching hardcore sex in action. For some reason she gets the idea that admiring some thin young girl modeling is in direct competition with my desires for her, i.e. gawking over a swimsuit magazine would probably be the worst. However, any hardcore sexual act doesn't focus solely on one person involved and more on the act, so its ok. This is backward from what most females I have known in the past have felt.

[Noah]

So mainly it's not that bad for me...sure it is hassling, but I deal with it. After all, I just get to edge and edge and edge like we all like here And yes I did consult but without any result. Maybe someday it will solve by itself. I just try to not think too much about it and take advantage of the fact it makes last longer than many men I think.

I can imagine both reactions :) I guess that most partners would take it personally and that it is hard to convince them otherwise. In a way, being able to last 'indefinitely' and edging all the time sounds quite amazing, so it is good that you are making the best of it!

My girlfriend gets upset if I am caught looking at still poses of naked girls, however she is fine with me watching hardcore sex in action. For some reason she gets the idea that admiring some thin young girl modeling is in direct competition with my desires for her, i.e. gawking over a swimsuit magazine would probably be the worst. However, any hardcore sexual act doesn't focus solely on one person involved and more on the act, so its ok. This is backward from what most females I have known in the past have felt.

First of all, I feel honored that the great Barney Stinson has found the time to post a reaction ;D In a way that reasoning kind of makes sense and it amuses me (because like you said, most girls would probably think differently about that), but on the other hand a lot of males imagine they are the male in a porn scene and then it is not that different! Still, an interesting point of view! What's your point of view (how do/would you feel)? :)