Online Femdom Relationship

[Demonstarter]

Hi everyone,

I recently found someone who accepted to dominate me through kik as long as I did her homework.
The thing is, apart from calling her mistress and thanking her for letting me serve her, I don't know how to make this feel like a REAL femdom relationship...

What should I ask her?

If anyone has had this kind of experience, please talk about it.

Thank you :)

[cousin_it]

I haven't been in one of these relationships before, but I would very much like one one day.

This may sound dumb, but have you tried asking her what else you can do for her?

[freakygeak]

maybe have a conversation with her where you two discuss what you're each expecting out of the relationship in the first place. That will help you both to decide how you should proceed with the relationship.

THe following is my personal opinion and should be taken or not. I'm not out to offend so please bear that in mind as well.

Calling a woman "Mistress" and "serving" Her is well and good. But if doing her homework and calling her "Mistress" is the beginning and end of the relationship, I'd suggest that you don't really have a relationship with her. This might not be the case, there's not a lot of information in your post, but if the post is accuarate, then the conversation I described above become even more important.

I hope things work out for you.

[andy wood]

Demonstarter,

Calling a woman "Mistress" and "serving" Her is well and good. But if doing her homework and calling her "Mistress" is the beginning and end of the relationship, I'd suggest that you don't really have a relationship with her.

I somewhat disagree with freakygeak. The question of what "really" counts as an online or phone D/s relationship can be tricky. (Some would say that, if your only interactions are online or phone, it is not "really" a relationship, no matter how many hours you spend with her.)

I am a switch, and I am submitting to Quiet Linda. I am one of about 20 or so subs who follow her. I have never met her in person, or spoken to her by phone. I follow rules that she has posted for all of her followers in the Forums, and she and I have exchanged a few PM's, and we had one conversation on Yahoo Messenger. If I was stuck on a desert island, and my only human contact was Quiet Linda, I would be quite lonely and miserable. Fortunately, I have a vanilla wife in r/l, as well as friends and coworkers and so on. Quiet Linda is just one part of my life, but she is a part that I enjoy.

I recently found someone who accepted to dominate me through kik as long as I did her homework. The thing is, apart from calling her mistress and thanking her for letting me serve her, I don't know how to make this feel like a REAL femdom relationship... What should I ask her? If anyone has had this kind of experience, please talk about it.

So, Demonstarter... it may help to redefine the problem. Instead of wondering how to make it "real", consider how to make it "more fulfilling". What do you want from the relationship with her? Do you want to feel appreciated by her for the ways in which you assist her? Do you want to feel a sense of power exchange (so that she controls you, and you are helpless to resist her)? If you want some sort of sexual play with her (as many submales seek from a domme), then it sounds like you are not getting that so far.

It can be difficult for a submale to find a domme, because there are 50 or 100 submales for every domme. So, making a bunch of selfish demands and being inflexible, is unwise. But it sounds like you have gone to the opposite extreme, where you do a lot for her, and she does almost nothing for you. And again, if that is what you want, then be happy. But if you want a different kind of relationship, you need to understand your own desires clearly, and then see what you can work out with her.

Good luck, and I hope you keep us all updated on the status of this relationship.

[green]

...
I am a switch, and I am submitting to Quiet Linda. I am one of about 20 or so subs who follow her. I have never met her in person, or spoken to her by phone. I follow rules that she has posted for all of her followers in the Forums, and she and I have exchanged a few PM's, and we had one conversation on Yahoo Messenger. If I was stuck on a desert island, and my only human contact was Quiet Linda, I would be quite lonely and miserable. Fortunately, I have a vanilla wife in r/l, as well as friends and coworkers and so on. Quiet Linda is just one part of my life, but she is a part that I enjoy.
...

-The feeling of when you want to respond but someone already posted what you had to say-

Good Post

[Demonstarter]

Thank you for all your answers :)

This has, indeed, nothing to do with reality. This is a tiny part of my life.
I do not feel like I need this to become an actual sexual play, it would be creepy for both of us.

What I want is a power exchange. She gives me orders, I obey without questionning, and this somehow excites me. But I've got the feeling I need something more to give in totally. I need to have the feeling I am somehow FORCED to do this, for it to be really arousing.

For one thing, she is beautiful. But worshipping hasn't got much sense if she isn't telling me to worship her, and if I am the one asking to worship her it doesn't feel right...
I thought about Blackmail, any advice?

[jackstock]

Doing her homework sounds like submission already.

[Slavonicus]

I have only one, simple question. Are you sure she isn't dominating you only because you're doing her homework?

If she "agreed" to dominate you if, it sounds to me like kind of exchange. Like you hire a maid, let's say. She is cleaning your house as long as you pay her, but she is not interested in simple cleaning. Are you 100% sure she is interested in domination?

[Spencer]

More importantly, where did you find her?

This is something I want badly.

[andy wood]

Slavonicus,

You asked a good question:

I have only one, simple question. Are you sure she isn't dominating you only because you're doing her homework? If she "agreed" to dominate you if, it sounds to me like kind of exchange. Like you hire a maid, let's say. She is cleaning your house as long as you pay her, but she is not interested in simple cleaning. Are you 100% sure she is interested in domination?

The implication behind your question is that Demonstarter wants his domme to be with him "for him (as an individual)", and not just to gain some external benefit (ex. - homework, money, etc.). This is exactly why I would never want to be with a pro-domme or a prostitute. I would want the woman I am with to "want me for me", and not for some external benefit. In fact, the idea of some woman being with me, purely to gain some external benefit (ex. money) is really unpleasant, and would be humiliating in a way that I would not find enjoyable.

There is a way in which "doing homework" is not the same as "paying money". Money is generic and universal. It is true that some people have more money than others, but a $100 bill given by an average person has the same value as a $100 bill given by Donald Trump. In contrast, I assume that the homework done by Demonstarter is different from the homework that could be produced by someone else. Demonstarter may be much smarter than average, or much more expert in the subject matter of the homework. And some kinds of homework (solving math problems, or choosing the correct answers on a multiple-choice take-home test) may be sort-of generic, but others (writing essays) may be very individual.

(I do think that doing someone else's homework is unethical, because it is enabling the other person to cheat, but that is a separate question.)

jackstock,

Doing her homework sounds like submission already.

I mostly agree that the homework is an example of submission. Basically, my understanding of submission is "when the submissive does _____ for a dom/me, that is submission", where the blank can be filled in by anything that the submissive does not ordinarily do, but which pleases the dom/me. So if some dome ordered me to eat some ice cream and take a nap, that would in some ways be a very fun and easy scene... and would probably also feel nothing like submission and nothing like a scene.

The important thing here for all of us, though, should be just how Demonstarter and his domme feel about his interactions with her. If I was Demonstarter, I would want some sort of sexual play, and I would enjoy the fact that the domme is beautiful.

I do not feel like I need this to become an actual sexual play, it would be creepy for both of us. What I want is a power exchange. She gives me orders, I obey without questionning, and this somehow excites me. But I've got the feeling I need something more to give in totally. I need to have the feeling I am somehow FORCED to do this, for it to be really arousing. For one thing, she is beautiful. But worshipping hasn't got much sense if she isn't telling me to worship her, and if I am the one asking to worship her it doesn't feel right... I thought about Blackmail, any advice?

So, Demonstarter... it sounds like you are not really sure how she feels, and what she may want (beyond the practical benefit of having her homework done). How did you meet your domme? Did you meet her in some D/s setting? Or is she a classmate, who as far as you know has no experience as a domme?

I would advise against blackmail, because it can potentially be very risky, and it sounds like you do not know her very well. What I would suggest instead, since you want to feel helpless, is that you come up with punishments. The punishments should be things that are not too extreme, but that you still find unpleasant. Then also create requirements: how much homework you do for her, in what time period, with what degree of accuracy. I am not suggesting that you disobey her. But if she expects your work done to a certain standard, and if those standards are difficult to meet (but not impossible), and if she watches you closely, and punishes you for failure to comply, then I think you will find your interactions with her to give you that sense of "loss of control" that you are looking for. (Also, if she shows no interest in measuring your degree of obedience, and/or if she is unwilling to punish you, then you may find that she is not much like a domme at all.)

I remember when I had discovered online BDSM back around the year 2000. There was one girl who I had phone sex with a few times. She was new to being a domme. We both decided one day that she would control my orgasms. The next day, I asked her "May I please cum?" She said "uhhh... ok." So, I did. But wow... that was a completely vanilla experience. If she had said something like "Nope. You can't cum for at least 30 days", I would have been miserable, but I would have tried to obey. (My longest period of orgasm denial has been about a week.) But her immediately granting permission was bad, and the "uhhh... ok" was even worse, because she sounded so indifferent. From her tone, her words may as well have been "Yeah, ok. Cum, don't cum. Whatever you want. I do not really care either way."

If the attitude of your domme is something like "call me Mistress... don't call me Mistress... I do not really care either way", then her indifference to dominating could mean that your interaction with her is not really D/s. Or is not the kind of D/s you are looking for. (Though it sounds like both cousin_it and Spencer would love to take your place.)