newbie

[misskatrina]

hey iam new to the world of bdsm. and i want to know about it more i think i might be more dominant than submissive
is there any topic or article or someone who can help me to know it better and more

[SexualChoc]

You could be a Switch, which many
(including myself) are
a Switch is someone is is sometimes dominant and then switches to being sometimes submissive

it can be 45% / 55% or 70%/ 30%
or any "shade" within


here is a really simple test to find out if your a dominant:
Follow his command: strip all your clothes off NOW!!

if you said... taking them off.. now.. sir! then your probably submissive

if you said WHO the Fuck are you to tell me what to do that!
then you might be dominant, Or not like strangers.

joking a little but basically that really is a good way to tell.

edit: if you looking on how to be a Dom/me
I found this article good:
http://peggyakao.com/midoriessentialdomme.htm

http://www.fetishalliance.net/Stories/D ... eintro.htm

there is also an instructional webtease written by one of our own
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showtease.php?id=3084

hopefully that helps!

[Nezhul]

As Choc said, there's no artickles and guidelines. You just do what you like and enjoy it, and explore new stuff that catches your interest.
Basically if you want to know terms, you are Dominant if you like to ONLY dominate other people and don't want to be under them, you are submissive if, opposite of the first, you don't want to control anyone and want to be controlled, and you are switch if you enjoy both things.
Also being into a fetish doesn't mean you will not enjoy vanilla sex.

Plunging into D/S relationship you should understand that "dominant" and "Submissive" are a very rough terms. There are A LOT of different activities that each sub and dom enjoys or not. For example, someone may be into pain, and it is definitely a D/S thing, but at the same time they don't like servitude thing. Someone likes a Dom to be strict, and someone likes a caring attitude. There's just a lot of stuff. Again, someone may like the idea of full-time submission, and someone just wants to be tied up and lose control from time to time, leading a normal life and relationship. What I'm saying is that even if you find a sub or a dom, that doesn't mean you are into the same things and may end up completely unmatched. That's one thing to consider.

Another thing about D/S relationship concerns safety. This fetish is basically all about power exchange. Sub is giving up control over the situation and Dom exploits sub's weakness. That's why this situation bears more potential danger for a sub, than vanilla. Both Dom and Sub should put safety at the first place. This includes health, relationships, privacy, mental safety.
That can be said especially about BDSM. Being tied up makes you helpless in case of extreame situation. A Dom must always keep an eye on his/her tied up sub. Never leave a room with a tied up person, and never turn your back to this person. You may find a videos where a dom leaves the sub alone to suffer through some kind of predicament, but you should understand that the staff and dom himself still watch closely every moment of time, via cameras or just from behind the scenes.
ALWAYS set up safewords. Choose a word that you will not likely to use by mistake, like "Banana" or "Pinetree" or something like that. Kink.com guys use the word "Red". If a sub is gagged, the safeword is some kind of distinct action. On fetish videos the most popular is shaking your head saying "Uh-uh-uh" like a no-no-no sign. Safewords are important.
Another thing about bondage I want to cover right away is the nature of ties. The sub shuld be tied the way that will let you be able to untie him/her REALLY quick. If you ever go into tying someone or yourself up, watch a videos how to do it right. Keep a pair of good tailor scissors at hand to cut the knots in case of emergency. NEVER start of with a hardcore bondage with a new partner.

Now at last I want to talk about attitude. The Dom may be strict or mild, but being a dom he/she always forces a sub to do things. But I believe that a good dom should ALWAYS put submissive's experience first. A good dom shpuld fulfill submissive's desires the most, not forgetting himself. You can't trust a dom/me that cares about her/his own pleasure most. Of course there are different kinds of submissives, some like to be humiliated or even made crying. And they enjoy that. And in this scenario a dom may take up position like sub's nothing, and it's all about don's pleasure. That's an outside look of things. However deep in the code this dominant, if he/she's good, will know why that's done and that this particular sub LIKES to feel inferior like this and being reminded that. Whenever you are domming someone, you should start with a normal talk, where you should find out as much as possible about kinks and desires of the sub in front of you, to understand how can you fulfill sub's fetishes, and IF you can. There are times, as I said, when a submissive is into something YOU don't like. Or if you are into something that sub doesn't like. In both of those situations it will be hard to make it all good and long-term, because your attitude as an active part will be forced, and that's bad, a sub will feel that.
If you are a sub and finding yourself a dom/me, you should look just for the same things. Is the dom caring about what you like and dislike?
A few words about that too. There are two types of forced action, when the submissive doesn't like it but does it anyways. A situation: submissive doesn't like something but endures that. He/she may cry or even beg to stop but endure that anyway with or without using safeword at some point. Sub may experience anxiety and fear in the process, or other hard feelings. But what matters is the feelings afterwards.
1) Sub get's a kick of being submissive and enduring the situation, he/she liked the feeling of being forced and want to experience this feeling again. Sub feels aroused at the thought that this may happen again, OR EVEN SOMETHING WORSE. This is a good thing and emotion.
2) Sub doesn't want this to happen again, and negative emotions overwhelm the excitement. Sub begins to doubt if he/she should have done that, and things like "What am I doing that for?" may occur. This is a bad thing.
What I'm saying that at some point submissive gets so much into it that he/she'll do things that tey COMPLETELY don't like even in retrospective. As a dominant you should keep an eye on that. As a sub you should NEVER hold it in and talk to your dom, explaining what you feel and all your uneasiness. Again - good dom will change things up, while a bad one may not care.

And one more thing. Being a dom or a sub you should still be able to just talk freely and equally. A relationship where dom and sub can't talk as equals leads to nothing. I suggest you regularily just talk as friend or partners about books, movies, new models of handcuffs or whatever you like. Being a dom don't put out your master/mistress attitude at this times. Being a sub don't be submissive. Don't agree with everything dom says! Don't project your submissiveness on your normal life. This is EXPTREMELY important in real life relationship. Even if it's a full-time hardcore one. Your partner should always know there's a person behind a submissive, whith your own weaknesses and strengths, your own thoughts and standings and viewpoints. You have friends, you ahve real life, you have exciting things to talk about and tell about. REmember - a dom and a sub is a PERSON. In real life you should be ready that your dom may want to cry on your shoulder, and it's fine. In real life you should be ready YOU want your sub to comfort you, and the sole thing that you are dominant shouldn't stop yyou from showing weakness. It shouldn't stop you from normal interaction.


p.s. I guess I'v got carried away a bit.