from sub to dom (help)

[azilla0069]

Ok so this iS my first post! I have been on this site for a little over a year. I recently came across a girl that is into being a sub pet but my problem is all of my sexual experiences have been with me being the sub. She is worried that I'm to sweet to be her master, so I decided that I would have an alter ego that is a dom. The main reason that I did this is I have always had an inner urge to dominate but I am to caring and sweet. So I decided that we are going to have a contract but I am having troubles coming up with some rules and punishments for my pet and how I should act toward my pet any advice would be greatly appreciated :) thank you

[dr.d]

first of all there is nothing wrong with being a caring Dom , you should let your pet know that she is loved and cared for.
as for rules and punishments..... when the two of you are alone she must be naked or wearing an outfit that pleases you , if she really wants to be your pet you might make her walk around on all fours and you should have her pick out a collar that she must wear when you are together .

as for punishments , you could try some nipple clamps , and you could send her to an adult store and have her pick a paddle or a flogger , that way she will know what will be used on her if she is bad . candle wax can also be used as a punishment .

but the most important thing is to learn her limits and have a safeword and respect the use of the safeword.

I hope this helps , I wish the two of you all the best

[Nezhul]

That actually depends on her wishes, etc. My opinion is that being dominant or submissive, and being sweet or mean actually doesn't have much to do with each other. Well off course a submissive person is less likely to show the master some fangs, but on the other hand I believe that dominant may act very sweet and caring, yet still be demanding and strict enough. You don't have to be mean. You can punish her saying something like "Take it, that's what you get for disobeying me!!!" or, on the other hand something like "Oh, poor baby. But you'v brought it on yourself, didn't you? You'll have to take it now...". So here - the point is that you actually be very sweet, care about her, be romantic with her, give her presents and buy flowers, whisper things at her ear, while hugging her gently on a bench at the park... And yet be dominant, and be strict and decisive in your games or if she obeys rules. You don't have to change into a mean person to be dom. You'll hate it yourself in the first place.

Now, what to write in a contract is entirely up to you, and you should look at her and yours wishes on that matter. That actually depends from girl to girl very much. One would enjoy if you'd spank her to a hard tears if she screws. She'll cry on her knees, but she'll love the whole lifestyle. The other girl may hate it. One will feel submissive committing one type of activities, say, if you'll forbid her wearing underwear at all, the other wouldn't find that appealing at all. So this is up to her, and you should discuss her kinks and limits to find out what's best. Now...

How do you make your contract.
First of all, get a set of things that she will agree doing for you. You may very well find that out in a sexual play too. Say she doesn't mind some pain. Prepare a punishing session for her. Have her write (or tell you) the list of things what an ideal pet should be able to do. Then I personally would toss her a bit and punish her, and when she's getting quite enough, tell ehr that you aren't impressed with the list. Suggest a few things you would like her to do, and make her accept them by punishing her more (BUT note that any person has a forbidden list that he/she wouldn't like to do in any way or form - you should avoid it. Also every person has things she feels uneasy or afraid or shy about, that MAY be added in this list). Don't forget that your favorite kinks should be in the list too, or else that's not funny.
Make her suggest a few mote stuff she may be doing and so on. Decide what her punishments may be, make her suggest some. It should be something she doesn't enjoy or even afraid of, or else it's no punishments. If you will punish a pain slut with spanking - she may as well LIKE it, so what punishment will that be? Make it something pushing her limits, something she don't want to do for fun. Even if she likes pain a bit there's such pain she would hate. (BEWARE though, S&M is a dangerous life-threatening activity! You should always think twice and do only something that won't make damage to the body). There are actually a lot of things to punish a slave with. Pain, humiliation, housework, taking her entertainment away (a week without computer, if she likes it, or no friends meeting, or cancel a planned dinner with her, forbidding the favourite food, OF COURSE orgasm denial, etc), inconvenience application (make her sleep bound, wear anal plug the whole day, make her always go with one hand tied behind her back while at home, etc), or even the change of your attitude to her (less talkative, for example, however that's not for every relationship, I'm just throwing in the METHODS here).
Make it clear that the list is totally at her limits. Then I would say in your place that this is a list of perfect pet's qualities, but as she's obviously not qualify to it yet, you'll toss something away FOR NOW. Of course you can always change your mind or add something new - we are all humans, our views change...
Don't forget some routine, if she's into a pet thing. Make her clean the house daily or something like that. Also It would be a good idea to point out that as a pet she will have sex with you whenever you want and the way you want. So no "but i'm tired after work..." sort of thing. If she'll agree to it then - than stay true to it. Fuck her even if she's tired (However a dom's main concern is he's sub's health, so if she feels bad you probably should avoid it. If you have a relationship you'll probably always know when she's sick). Feel free to go shopping with her or buy her sexy outfits (only get her measurements first) or even toys, feel free to ask her to wear whatever outfit you want for her.
Well' there's simply too much things. I suggest you reading female subs forums for the ideas - they often share their experiences there, like what they were made to do, reviews on some activities etc.

Now you'll probably be able to create a contract.

A few more advises:
1) never pity her in the aspect of punishments. If you'v decided on 50 ass spanks, make them all, make them hard, even if she's "really-really sorry" or is crying on you. SHE wants this lifestyle. SHE feels really good about it, even if she's afreid of upcoming punishment NOW, she will feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled if you lust let it go, when she knew she deserved a punishment.
2) Never change your or hers personality. That's unnatural and will lead to the uneasyness and depression for one of you, because every man needs to be himself. Restrictions may apply on activities, but not on the behaviour. If she thinks you are too sweet - show her that a really great (and fearsome) dom may be controlling her with a loving smile on the face. There are fetishes of a dirty talk or mean behaviour, but they are actually really rare. what people always mix up is a dominant (egoistic) behaviour and mean attitude. While they actually want only someone dominating near them, not necessary mean. It's just that mean people are egoistic, and sweet are not. That's why they see where's the source of this egoism (dominance) and are driven to it.
3) Always check up on her. Make it a daily routine for both of you. Make her give you a daily report on what she did (especially your orders), who she met and what happened. Not just the sexual thing - all. What happened at work, etc. It's a good idea anyway, women like when men are interested in their day. You may also punish her if she screwed at work, and make her promice she'll be a good girl next time. That also takes her stress away - she doesn't feel that tense and bad about that mistake, also she feel your support at her work further on, like she don't just working, but working because you supervise her. Not JUST working, but working FOR YOU. That's a great support for women.
Better take those reports in person or at least by phone. Text messaging lacks emotion. Don't just listen to her. She should understand that it's her REPORT to you as a master, but you guide it like a normal conversation, joking, asking specifics, making comments...
4) A good idea to make her always have a reminder on her about you. I like the variant of collar worn 24/7. It shouldn't be a LEATHER collar or something that'll stand out too much. There are descreet things like a string of lace cloth around a neck. It's just for the look, but it is a reminder. Something like that:
http://darudar.org/var/files/img/e6/4d/ ... 58_600.jpg
They can be bought or even handmade. Wristbands are good too. Any way something she'll wear constantly (in a bed, in the shower, at work), something she'll see constantly (piercings are not good).... That's good IMHO

That's about all that comes to mind right now, I'll post more if I think something. If you would like specifics, like "how can you make her hurt without marks" or "How to humiliate her" etc - feel free to ask. There's a lot of people here who'll give you tons of specifics.

[azilla0069]

ThNk you all so much for all the feedback I greatly appreciate it :) I have a lot to think about and anymore advice is always welcome:)

[azilla0069]

Oh I almost forgot I would like to know some stuff on how to hurt her without leaving marks and how to humiliate her thank you so much :)

[Nezhul]

Well first of all in both cases you should consider her limits. And in case of humiliation - her privacy. there are tons of methods actually. I'll drop in a few.

Hurting:
1) floggers and spanking won't leave marks, if not done with excessive fanaticism. The best areas are ass, back, chest, tights. Spanking her pussy with a bare hand or a small flogger is painful too, but that should generally be lighter. The main advice when committing beating of any sort is this: Spank her, and then have her drop a number from 1 to 10 how much does it hurt her, where 1 is barely discomfortable at all, something she could do to herself easy, and 10 is the most severe pain she could imagine taking. Great way to recieve feedback. Start with not so hard slaps, like 5, go up to 8 or even 10, depending on the size of a guilt. Also spanks on 1 and the same spot stings more.
2) cane and whips should be used carefully and professionally. They can leave marks for weeks. But also they can leave such, that will go off in the morning. Also cane is perfect for bastinado - a pain inflicted to feet. The good if it that it's VERY painful, yet the skin there can take a lot before you leave any marks. Off course fanaticism (as with every activity) can cause damage, but you can generally cane feet pretty hard.
3) nipple clamps with weights. sucks pretty bad, especially if after a while they are PULLED of, not taken off. Also squeezing nipples right after you take a nipple clamps off is very painful, but safe.
4) "icy hot" or similar things - that's a sort of a cream that burns and also chills the area it's applied to for about 15-20 minutes. Literally makes you scream. It's like a hot sause in a mouth, even worse. Yet completely safe (as with everything that can cause allergy, first get a safe try on a little area on the inner side of an arm. With this thing skin is supposed to get red, but if it goes normal in an hour or two - you are good to go). Apply this devilish thing to her nipples or even the pussy, and enjoy the show. Not she nor you have nothing to help her in the next minutes, water won't help.
5) bondage. It may be quite uncomfortable or painful, only read manuals - it can be unsafe if you dont do it right (say, if you cut blood flow somewhere. For example tie her with a crotch rope that makes her stand on her toes. Make sure she can't stand down and also cant fall over. After a while her legs will really hurt and shake from stress. If you leave her like that for an hour, that would be an experience she won't want to live through again. Same with standing on her knees on a hard surface (or even dried beans - that's what they used to punish kids in the 19-20th cen). a dom must NEVER, not for a second take an eye off a sub in bondage. That is literally a life-threatening thing. No going away while she suffers or even turning her back on her while you grab tools.
6) Hot wax - speaks for itself. Perfectly safe on any area, only you shouldn't pour it INSIDe a pussy. That's possible and safe but taking it out will be a pain in the... pussy.
7) clothespins - can be applied virtually anywhere. also here - a zipper rope. It's a rope with clothespins on it. You apply a line of them on the body (normally from chest to tummy), and them rip it off fast. VERY painful. Only certain types of skinmay recieve bruices for a few days, while others will barely have marks in an hour.
8) e-stim devices can bring pleasure but also pain, while they are actually safe. A large variation of them present.
9) Forced orgasms - orgasm her to the brink of insanity, until she literally is on the verge of fainting. Some girls will like that one though, Some will be afraid of it again as their clit is too sensitive after the first orgasm.

Humiliation:
1) Bondage is always humiliating.
2) rough sex where you toss her around like a toy and completely ignore her wishes and complaints (just say shut up and continue is you like). If she couldn't cum during this session thats her problem - tell her that. This may be ok for some yet very frustrating and humiliating for others.
3) Have her wear something specific at home or maybe dont wear at all. Buttplugs or nipple clamps - included. That's humiliating.
4) you may control her by telling to always consult you before going out with friends. If she's invited somwhere she'll have to always say something like "I'll have to ask <your name> before giving an answer>. That's humiliating yet descreet enough as you may find a ton of normal reasons for such behaviour. Weather you allow it to her or not is up to you and depends on how good she was.
5) Forbidding to wear underwear is humiliating. Only remember that women has menstruation cycle, and she quite needs underwear this days, so have her tell you so you can lift the restriction.
6) Have her ask you before she wants to masturbate is good. That's humiliating by itself. Luckily phones are cool. Orgasm\masturbation denial is humiliating too. So as a requirement to masturbate at least X times a day for Y minutes.
7) going out together with an anal plug. Or even remote control vibrator (make sure it's quiet).
8) Make her hurt herself on your command. Or with forced orgasms - make herself continue masturbating/holding vibrator on a clit thus torturing herself by her own hands. Denial is here too.
9) have her learn to perform strip tease. She'll get used to it but first times will be humiliating for most girls. That'll do her good any way.
10) being punished for something against the rules (especially if it's only your rules, and other people dont get punished for that) is humiliating. Reminding that to her is always a good idea.
11) I heard lots of lifestyle pairs use nicknames. Like she always adresses herself by a humiliating nickname with you, like "fuckhole" or "slave slut" or whatever. the word "I" or "me" is forbidden. Not "I want to cum" but "This slave slut needs to cum"... Personally I don't see much fun in it, but whatever. Calling her names yourself is humiliating too.
12) interaction in general may be humiliating. How and what you say makes a difference.

that's some ideas.

[azilla0069]

Thank you so much I have a lot of stuff to try :) she told me she isn't sure about her limits but I will talk to her about it so I can make her my pet with out her resenting me

[Nezhul]

That's it. When confronted with something new, EVERY person will learn at first. So if she's smart and will help you, you will become a great dom for her.
Good luck.
As for limits - a stop-word rules. Make it something she cant say occasionally. "stop" is a request, it's not a safe word. I know on kink.com they use the word "red" as a stop signal, or "uh-uh-uh " when a girl is gagged.
Also if she doesnt know the limits - just discover them. Start safe and increase the intencity until you find out the limit that's no longer funny anymore.

[les]

My safeword is

"SAFEWORD"
This is used by all my serfs.

Simple easy to remember and not used by accident.

[dr.d]

I know on kink.com they use the word "red" as a stop signal, or "uh-uh-uh " when a girl is gagged.

I have seen some gagged submissives hold a small ball or a handkerchief in there hands , dropping the ball or waving the handkerchief is the same as using the safeword

[Nezhul]

well depends on the activity. If she cums for the 10th time in the past 5 minutes, she may as well drop the ball by accident.