Simpler This Way

[clwnface]

Simpler This Way

She strolled out of the shower, tossing aside the towel she had just dried her hair with, filling the bedroom with that wonderful post-shower shampoo-and-steam smell. Then, twirling her long dark hair into a loose knot, she walked slowly up to her husband. He was sitting on the chair a few feet from the bed, the one that was low--below the top of the bed--for a reason.
She stopped, standing almost between his knees, in a statue-like posture with one long, strong thigh thrust a little forward. He blinked and adjusted his glasses, feeling the terrible stew of emotions building up in him again. Ohhh, god. She was incredible. She was both wildly voluptuous and strong and athletic; her skin was like copper, set off by her dark gray eyes and her hair, brown-black, rich and enticingly damp from the shower. She knew he loved that.
She gave him a little, affectionate smile, very slowly sliding her hands up her stomach, cupping the undersides of her tremendous breasts, then sliding her palms up them, grazing her dark nipples, stiffening them. She pointedly lowered her eyes to his crotch, his zipper straining now, his bulge pulsing slightly. He was desperately hard. He was desperate on so many levels.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked him softly, her voice playful, but firm.
He blinked some more, shifted on the chair, trying to ease the strain on his bulge. "I..." He shrugged, confused.
"Tell me, exactly."
"You look gorgeous..." His voice had a needy, beaten quality to it.
"I said exactly." Her eyes narrowed, penetrating into his. The smile widened the tiniest bit.
"Uh..." There was no wiggle room. She was going to make him give specifics. He felt like he was shrinking, and like he was going to explode, both at once. "Your nipples."
She raised her arms, setting her hands on the top of her head, making him drink in her lines. "What about them?"
"The...the way they stiffened and got hard when you rubbed them."
"And now?"
"Now they're...harder, and...the areolae are puffy."
"Why?"
He sighed raggedly. "You're getting aroused."
She let out a little giggle, looking at his bulge again. "I'm getting aroused, huh?" He shifted around some more at this. She lowered her hands, and this time lifted her knockers, slowly squeezing them, digging her fingers in and gently kneading. "Yeahhh, I seem to be." He groaned at this, a little painfully. "You getting tight down there?" she asked, with a little giggle.
"Yeah."
She bent down, bringing her face near his. "Sit on your hands." He did so, and she said, "Spread your knees." He did so, and with one fingernail she traced the line of his zipper, up and down, until she heard him groan again, then, with the nails of one hand, she stroked his whole bulge, lightly ticked it.
She continued this for a moment, enjoying his noises, as the sensation of her lightly teasing his balls made him nuts. Then she rose back up, putting one hand on her hip and standing there, damp, naked and glorious. She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a tinny-sounding Rihanna song starting suddenly; it was her cellphone ringing on the bed.
She turned away and quickly scooped it up, answering it. "Yeah." She didn't look at her hapless spouse while she talked. She knew he was slumping with dread in the chair, and his bulge was getting even harder. She listened for a moment, then: "Okay, so...about fifteen minutes?...Okay, baby, just come in."
She hung up, and as overheated as his brain was, it took him a moment to process what he'd just heard. "What did you mean...just come in? Did...did you give him a key??"
For a long moment, she just stood there, thumbing through texts on her phone. Then she sat on the bed, smoothly crossing her legs and returned his incredulous gaze. "Of course I gave him a key. I mean, really..." She tilted her head, smiling at him. "...doesn't that just make it simpler?"
He felt like he was falling down a deep hole. His face flushed. "So, I don't even have a say in when..." He trailed off, crushed.
She leaned forward, putting her hands by her knees on the edge of the bed, letting her boobs swing a bit, looking with honest sympathy at him. "I'm sorry, honey. That's gotta sting a little." She bit her lip. "But it the end, what's the difference? He's going to be coming over either way. Did you think I was always going to arrange it with you first?" He just blinked in stupefacton at that, so she continued. "Anyway, when he called, I was just about to ask you. Should I go with that hot garter belt and stockings when he gets here, or..." She stood up and put her arms on her head again, lusciously swaying her hips. "...just greet him totally nude like this?"
The End


Feedback would be appreciated. Thank you.

[dolphkuellar]

I think this is very well-written. It's hard to make any useful comments about things like plot and character development, since this is really just a short scene; but given that I think you've done well to draw the reader (me) into the scene. Everything is nicely described, with lots of little details that bring the "action" to life. I think it's well-paced, too: despite being just a short scene, it builds nicely to a climax, almost like a full story. And you've done a good job with the characters in their limited incarnations: they are pretty stereotypical characters ("loving" wife and submissive cuckold husband), but I think they fill those stereotypical roles quite well. And of course, if you write more of this story there'll be plenty of opportunity to properly flesh out these characters.

I do think some details could do with a little refinement. For example: is he fully clothed? It's a small detail, but it can be important. Another thing to possibly think about is the perspective from which the story is told. In the first paragraph "Ohhh, god. She was incredible" sounds like it's his perspective; while a couple of sentences later "She knew he loved that" sounds like it's her perspective. Personally, I think it's good to stick to one perspective, at least per paragraph - I feel it makes the impact greater and it's easier to draw a reader in that way. But that's just my opinion.

Also, I'm not sure if you're interested in having these pointed out, but I noticed a couple of typos - "lightly ticked it" and "stupefacton".

In summary: nicely done; I enjoyed this very much and hope to see more! :)

[clwnface]

Yeah, You got me on the typos. I wrote this a while ago and whatever I used didn't have a spellchecker. As for the perspective, for me, the single-point-of-view thing doesn't always work for this kind of story. It seems to me to be the sexiest thing, sometimes, for the reader to see what's happening from everyone's point of view.

Thank you for commenting.

[dolphkuellar]

Fair enough! At the end of the day, if you can make it work, anything goes :)