Advice on introducing T&D into a relationship

[Decker]

I've decided I'd like to try to contribute to the community in a different way that has been typical for me (mainly writing teases), and share about myself and some things that I've learned in my personal life regarding introducing kink into anotherwise sexually conservative relationship. This will be a long post, so if you're not interested in ideas for bringing kink into a relationship, it might not be worth reading.

I am living in Florida and am divorced but am very happily remarried 2 years now. My wife travels on business a fair amount, which is when I from time to time write some webteases for this site. When we met, my wife didn't have any fetishes or desires that were in any way kinky. In the beginning, we had a pretty straghtforward "vanilla" sex life which was great. Over time my desire for bringing some kink into the relationship became stronger. Now, after some time and lots of planing she gets excited when we bring out the tollyboy, we play around with bondage, some rough sex from time to time, and plenty of tease and denial. I thought it might be helpful for some readers to hear about some of the things we do that make it exciting for both of us.

Of course, start slow, and get her used to the idea of everything. Hopefully she'll like the idea of male chastity (whats not to like ). As time goes by and you both get more comfortible here are the things we have found make the whole experience much more enjoyable for both of us:

First of all we increase the amount of sexual activity a lot when I am in chastity. That doesnt mean I get more action but she really does. we do basically 3 types of nights: me get her off with mouth or fingers (maybe 5-20 mins), more "typical" sex (maybe 15-35 mins), and teasing sessions (20mins-2hrs). She always gets off everytime and we do usually 4-6 nights/wk. If one of us is tired we try to be more suseptible to the other ones advances (usually me to her of course).

She always tries to be sexy in a way that it seems like she isnt trying. She wears sexier clothes around the condo, she walks around in a tshirt and no underwear, she rubs my chastity belt probably 2-3 times a day it seems (real quick in passing), she frenches me at random times, etc. She makes it so I know Im not the only one thinking about sex alot but it doesnt seem fake.

she always makes things harder than I say I can do. If I say I can do 1 week without coming she'll make it 10 days. If I say I cant do anymore edges, shell do a few more. It reminds me that shes in control and not me, which is sexy.

She is very strict about the chastity belt. My penis is never allowed out of the chastity belt unless she is in the same room. No exceptions even for 10 seconds ever.

She makes sure she establishes dominance over me when I act like its too easy. One time she asked if I was horny when she rubbed me and I said no. She then had me give me her oral every night for a week and never even touched penis or chastity belt not even in passing. That changed my attitude. Another time she asked how much edging I could take and I said more than she could give me. Big mistake. She edged me over and over maybe 45 minutes. She got tired so she said I had to continue edging myself while she watched tv next to me, so she gagged me so I couldnt complain as I edged myself for another hour or more. If I made whining sounds she would slap my balls, if I would rest too long she would slap my balls. She finally told me I could stop edging myself and I was so relieved. Then she tied me down to the bed and used a vibrator to edge me even more! She didn't stop until I was crying, and she said "I can keep going. You said you could handle that more than I could give out, right?" I told her I was wrong, and she told me to beg to stop. I asked her nicely, and then she gagged me again and edged me 5-10 more times. Then she ungagged me and told me to beg. I begged her to stop, but I guess not good enough because she gagged me and edged me more. Then she stopped and told me to beg better. I begged like never before and she untied me, told me to get back in my belt, gave me a kiss and a devious look, and went to sleep. Best night of my life.

She never lets me know how long it will be until I come next. Sometimes it is 3 days sometimes it is 3 months. That way I always have hope when she lets me out.

Sometimes she did kinky things without asking me about it first which was hot. She knows Im the kinkier one so probably nothing she brings up would not be ok with me. The surprise of having her do something kinky or bring a new toy to the bed is awesome.

One of the kinky toys she bought was a strap on I wear with my old cb2000 (http://www.extremerestraints.com/strap- ... _1291.html). It has a dildo I can fuck her with while staying locked up. She said shes gonna get this one too for the same purpose (http://www.extremerestraints.com/penis- ... _4009.html). I think it will be exciting to get out of chastity and get to fuck her but not feel anything. Well see!

Total sensory depravation is also awesome. We use a blindfold, foam earplugs, and rope with the bedposts. Not hearing or seeing anything makes the feelings much stronger. We learned that being tied up is sexier than her telling me to not move, and using a blindfold is sexier than her telling me to not look, and using a gag is sexier than her telling me to not talk, and using ear plugs is the only way to not listen

We do a rule sometimes where I have to give her 2 "quick orgasms" per week. Usually it is with my mouth or fingers, and usually I have to try more than 2 times (she can always say no), but if I don't get her 2 then I get a punishment. Sometimes that is longer lockup, sometimes it is a hard spanking, one time she made me shave my legs completely (kinda sexy kinda embarrassing, definitely effective). One time she made me wear a buttplug for a whole saturday.

I also get punished if more than 48 hours has gone by since I shaved my pubic region. I am to do the best I can while in the belt so I'm always smooth for her.

She uses the ruined orgasm now and then. She edges me and I have to tell her i'm edging, then she keeps going (slowly) and i think she's gonna let me come, then she lets go just as I start to come. So frustrating! So sexy!

A few times she tied me to bed and tied the vibrator to the sweet spot (bottom of cockhead) and put it on low (low enough to not make me come and high enough to keep me hard). Then we watched tv for an hour with it vibing me the whole time! She had to turn it up or down or off sometimes for a bit but it was intense!

I like it when she talks when she teases. "You like that, don't you?", "No, you don't get to cum today", "Do you want me to go faster", "Aww is that frustrating?"

So altogether let me say that if you can get her interested in you being horny for her all the time then you can use some of these ideas and probably you'll love it.

[likeitlikeit]

I have a wonderful, very vanilla girlfriend, and recently she has been getting more into teasing. Here are a few ideas we have tried, it's flowed pretty naturally into the relationship.

1. She didn't want to go see this movie I wanted to see, so she started seducing me because she knew there were only so many minutes left until we had to leave. I gave her a challenge that she had to tease me for 40 minutes and not let me orgasm or we would still go see the movie. This turned out to be one of our best sexual experiences ever, she orgasmed twice during it.

2. She wanted to have sex after we spent the day at the beach and so on the car ride home she started rubbing me, then pulled my cock out of my pants to stroke it openly in the car, then of course she started sucking it, but put it back as I got close, saying I could finish when we got home.

3. I told her one day when we are alone and spending the day at home that she should tease me as much as possible throughout the day, and only let me orgasm that evening inside her. She said she thinks that would be a lot of fun.

; ) Hope this helps

[janmb]

Excellent read - thanks

[les]

It goes to show if you start gently
Keep it fun, with give and take .
Most things are possible.
Never rush or you run the risk of frightening them away.

[Human]

It goes to show if you start gently
Keep it fun, with give and take .
Most things are possible.
Never rush or you run the risk of frightening them away.

^^ post would be a sticky in a pedo forum

[les]

So long as you don't frighten the horses or harm the children.

[Human]

The most "edges" she ever had given me before was less than 10. This time, she got to something like 40-50 edges before I gave in...

Gave in how? You had an orgasm?

[Sara_in_charge]

Decker,

I like a lot of what you and your wife have going on. It sounds like she's really learned well. Here are a few things I do with my bf that you may want to pass on to your wife.

~ As fun as it is to edge him again and again, I like it better when I tie him down and tell him to try to cum. He got so used to telling me when he was edging and trying to hold back, that I thought I'd try to switch it up one day and tell him to do his best to cum. Of course, I've gotten to know his signs pretty well, so I get him up near the edge, and then I keep him there~ just tease and tease and tease, slowwwly, to keep him squirming and pushing and trying to let some cum out. Naturally, sometimes I accidentally go a bit too far- the second I either see any cum or the second I feel any sort of pulsing in his cock, I let go immediately. Ruining a few orgasms is no big deal and he stays plenty horny for me. Seriously, she should try this with you.

~ As a general rule, if I don't have 30 minutes to tease him, I don't unlock him. It leads to longer lockup times, but those longer lockups always result in a more sensitive cock and a more desperate man. That being said, I always make sure that if he's been locked a long time (4-5 days or more) that the teasing session that follows is a good one.

~I completely agree with your wife's rule about never letting you alone with your cock. Even if there is trust, you don't want to put him in a situation where he has to resist temptation.

~ One little addition we've done is we keep a little sheet of paper on our closet wall that has the current # days since his last orgasm, current # days since his last unlocking, current # orgasms I've had for the week, and also the record # of days without orgasm for him, the record # of days of lockup, the record # of orgasms for me in 1 session, and the record # of orgasms for me in a week. He is in charge of keeping all the numbers current. I find the records to be especially motivating... currently our bests are 52 days without an orgasm for him, 9 days of lockup for him, 8 orgasms in 1 session for me, and 33 orgasms in a week for me. Feel free to share your numbers!

~ Also, there are 3 little games I like to play with him that I thought I'd share:

1. He chooses either to not have a session or to flip a coin. If he chooses the coin, then heads means I tie him to the bed face up and tails means I tie him face down. If he's face up, I unlock him and do something with his cock (maybe edges, maybe teasing like my first point said, maybe sex, maybe let him cum). But if its tails, then he stays locked and tied face down, and he gets a wicked spanking! I like to use a wooden spoon, and the rule is that we're not done until every part of his ass is red. It usually takes me 50-100 hits or so. He doesn't like how it feels, but he likes the mindfuck of knowing I'll do it. He RARELY doesn't choose to flip the coin.

2. Especially if he's been locked up for awhile, I'll have him stand up, legs spread a few feet apart and hands behind his head, and I'll get on my knees and pleasure him with hand and mouth. I take my time, and the closer he gets and the more edges we do, the weaker his knees get. There's nothing like seeing my man literally buckling at the knees in front of me.

3. As long as he hasn't broken any major rules and has had no more than 1 orgasm in the month, we have a "sex toy of the month" rule, where we flip a coin and whoever wins gets to pick a new toy to be used on themselves (so if I win, I order something used on a woman, if he wins he gets something used on a man). It's like a little reward for him and it keeps things interesting.

But hey! Keep me updated! I've used 1 or 2 of your ideas already and I'm always looking for more!

[Nezhul]

maybe you'll find this little series helpful in respect of ideas... It actually is ideas and nothing more...
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/#sear ... azy&type=2

[Decker]

Sara-

So my wife tried your first little idea about telling me to try to come but going really really slow when I was on the edge but she did it with a twist. I know she reads this so let me say publicly "My wife is amazing!" She had me go down on her for an orgasm first. Then she tied me down and used her mouth to get me to the edge (she told me to tell her when I got real close). Then I got close and she said not to talk so I didn't and she told me to try to come- your right this was so different than trying to hold back all the time and felt so amazing to try and not be able to- really sexy to see her in that way. I couldnt believe how long she kept me going (over 30 mins?) and I said I couldn't take it anymore. She stopped and told me to close my eyes and open my mouth- she put the gag in my mouth and told me that she said I was not to talk! So then she started slapping my balls pretty hard and my cock REALLY hard and said she'd stop either when my cock got completely soft or if I begged her to stop. I tried to beg through the gag but she kept saying she couldnt understand me so she just slapping my balls until I eventually got soft. Then she said "Lets try that again but you better listen this time" and she took the gag off and told me not to talk. She used a vibrator to get me hard again and told me to try to cum like before. She kept me right on edge for awhile and then she started going faster and I thought she was going to let me come for real. Once I started to come though she took her hands off and my orgasm was ruined... so amazing!