Am I a dom or a sub?

Human · Post by **Human** » Mon Jul 18, 2011 10:20 pm

Femdom has turned me on for a long long long time. However, lack of intellegence is a huge turn off for me. I have interacted on a few board with dommes, and as it become apparent that they are not very intelligent, the attraction is completely gone. There are also a few dommes who have this entitlement attitude, that they can get away with everything, men are there to serve them etc. Again, attraction gone. No interest in humiliation. In essence, I would want to submit only to a beautiful, intelligent and compassionate woman.

So, am I a sub or a closet dom?

jdude · Post by **jdude** » Mon Jul 18, 2011 10:43 pm

At first I would say you were a sub who likes to top from the bottom.. . but I'd likely be wrong.

People, regardless of kink orientation, must be taken on a person by person basis. We can't lump all dommes into a single group. Yes, it seems like there are a lot of money driven and attitude waving, but there are the exceptions. Finding the right one for you is your task.

I'm picky about who I'd sub to as well. I've had better luck with male dominants personally. I crave to submit to a female but just haven't found the right one.

And that is ok. I doubt I'm what a lot of dominants are looking for in a submissive. The search is two sided..

jdude

mikeplusplus · Post by **mikeplusplus** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:31 am

Well, to me it looks like you are a sub, but you want an actual relationship with an actual person instead of a cookie cutter dominant type person. My recommendation (although I'm not very experienced with finding D/s relationships, hence why I go here for teases) is that you find a real relationship with a girl you are attracted to, and if she's dominant already, that's great, and if she isn't, you can try to seduce her dominance out. Who knows, she might like it as much as you do!

Good luck!

Nezhul · Post by **Nezhul** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:47 am

It looks like you are a sub, you just need a certain ammount of dominant girl. That's totally OK, being peaky doesn't make you a dom. It just shows your tastes. I rather agree wth them actually, although I'm a switch closer to dom myself, i.e. I don't mind submitting to a sweet and intelligent girl, but I would like tying her up instead a bit more.

Topping from the bottom is not the case. Having limits and preferences is NOT topping from the bottom. If I were to choose myself a domme, I too would give her my limits, and I too would choose a certain type of girl, but in those limits I'd let her handle it herself.

dolphkuellar · Post by **dolphkuellar** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 3:25 am

I would want to submit

Seems pretty clear to me! :)

To be more specific, though, I don't think being a "sub" means you feel the need to submit to anyone and everyone.

Nezhul · Post by **Nezhul** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 4:17 am

So, am I a sub or a closet dom?

Just thought - and does it matter anyway? The point is what you enjoy exactly, not how you are called. You can call me sub, dom, or a tomato ketchup, that doesn't matter as far as I get what I need

dix · Post by **dix** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 4:13 pm

Human wrote:Femdom has turned me on for a long long long time. However, lack of intellegence is a huge turn off for me. I have interacted on a few board with dommes, and as it become apparent that they are not very intelligent, the attraction is completely gone. There are also a few dommes who have this entitlement attitude, that they can get away with everything, men are there to serve them etc. Again, attraction gone. No interest in humiliation. In essence, I would want to submit only to a beautiful, intelligent and compassionate woman.

So, am I a sub or a closet dom?

I think you're a sub. You're just not one of these people who you get on here who is willing to throw themselves at the feet of the first 'woman' they come across.

I hate the "entitlement" attitude as you call it. And it's not just Dommes that you find it in. To me D/s relationships still need respect and understanding to work properly.

And like Nezhul said, try not to get caught up in the technicalities of it all. The point is to enjoy whatever it is that you're doing.

Dix.

Teaser · Post by **Teaser** » Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:34 am

Human wrote:it become apparent that they are not very intelligent, In essence, I would want to submit only to a beautiful, intelligent and compassionate woman.

So, am I a sub or a closet dom?

Well, assuming from your interactions that they are all not very intelligent, is not very intelligent to begin with. In my experience about 95% of humans are extraordinary stupid and show a lack in self-development. Nothing bad about that in itself, but if you see yourself as different you just need to continue searching.

There is also a huge difference wether you are topped in a relationship by your partner or online by some domme (who could also be a dom). The emotional investment is largely different in scale.

Then there are demographics. Online male subs outnumber female tops by 10 to 100. Just look at the here posted "ad-teases" by desperate males trying to use a crowbar to find a domme. Will not work. Cannot work. Of course they are in the 95% percentile. Online female dommes are just flooded by requests. Some make good money out of this since this IS a market. Being a *good* dom(me) is hard work, and it is not done lightly. I, as a dom, would only invest it in a sub who has proven herself to be worth it from an emotional point of view. Otherwise some teasing/tasking online play is possible, but I don't consider that really topping.

Being a sub is much easier, everything the domme has taken care of already, including paying a attention to your phantasies and boundaries. Yes, a good domme does that, otherwise it is just a selfish act of using someone. That, too, is okay if being selfishly used is a turn-on for the sub, whereby we close the circle since the domme has taken care... when I submit (I sometimes switch), being able to trust is highly important. So far I have only done it in real-life loving relationships, and in harmless webteases.

Looking back at your post I don't see anything dominant. So, no, you are not a dom but a pure sub. A sub who has not found a suitable domme yet. I suggest looking in your real-life, not online. I have given up online long ago. I found my partners in daily life, although it is much easier to gently steer a woman into submission and bondage than the other way around.

I wish you good luck.

Am I a dom or a sub?

Am I a dom or a sub?

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