Telling her about kink?

[edgingaddict]

Hi. I read the advices on how to find a kinky partner. Thanks for that, there are some helpful ideas.

I would love to have a relationship with that kind of kink in a sexual way. I never had that experience before but I am pretty sure, that I need that kink in a relationship. When do you think is the best time to tell her about such fantasies, e.g. tease and denial, facesitting, bondage. Right from the beginning? After a few dates? Later? I am sure, there is no recipe for that, but I am thankful for any help or experience because it seems so hard for me to find a girl, sharing such fantasies.

[SexualChoc]

First there is getting a good girl, without the whole kink side of things
If you can do that. Then you are most of the way through.
I do not recomend talkig about the level of kink here on Milovana to start
but you may want to ask how she feels about Porn in general.

A lady that never wants you to look at porn is not likely to
dress in leather and whip you while your licking the choclate sause off her toes.

So(1) find a girl
(2) one that is okay with some porn
One you have those two out of the way then you can work on your kinks
Usaully about the time your ready for sex in the relationship.

I still recommend Acting subby listening, pampering the entire time (if your subby)
or seeing how she likes being dom (just a little though) if your dom.

I am still working with my wife on where I want to be on my Kink level
It has taken some time, many suggestions, and lot's of listening
so there is No formula, but I hope I have helped you on your way.

[Nezhul]

First of all, I don't think you should bump with that right from the beginning. I think the best time for that, is when sexual relationship became a norma for both of you, like after 5-6 sexual contacts. By that time you two are more intimately bound, and talking about kinks won't set uneasyness in the air.

Personally as I did, and I think that's the best way to do it (IMHO), was after another sex, when we were lying in a bed, talking about some minor things. The ideal is that the place should be safe, there should be no rush like you need to go to the work next morning, or even do something this evening. Pick a day and a place so that you (and her) won't be disturbed by anything, so she's relaxed and calm.
The good way then is to start the talk about your kinks. Like you both should share your fantasies, with no obligation. You may point out, that as you think, some fantasies may be a little extream, but the strange thing is that we may fantasize a lot about something, but we don't really want this to happen even if we had opportunity. That idea makes things easyer, making her know that you just play a sort of a game, and nothing said will describe each of you, because hell, it's a fantasy, not urge.
So start that talking. Let me point you - don't focus on kinks, rather fantasies. Off course you know that you shouldnt ever tell a girl how you want to fuck Angelina Jolie or something ;). Don't push, tryto have her involved. Don't be toe only one talking, try to make it even. If she's not ready then you'll have to wait some more, so the choice of the moment is really important. Don't start with the things you desire the most, and not the most kinky - start with something normal, we all have that stuff. For example to make a step to facesitting, tell her you want to eat her pussy in a position when you lie on the back and she's kneeling with her crotch above your face...
Don't just throw ideas at one another - discuss them a little. Hers and yours. If she says something that's too much for you, or criticize your fantasies as weird - don't argue, but make your point that it's ok to have this fantasie, but it maybe not something to happen between you. If you like her idea or fantasie, you may offer to try it next time or right on, if you have the strength =). Remember, that if she says she likes, say, bondage - don't jump on her with the rope. It's a very hard kink to do properly, and she still needs time for that, but you should point htat you don't mind. Also, before even trying a complicated kink - read a lot about it on the net, tecniques and so on.
If your game goes well (and I managed to ged pretty deep with my girlfriend), you'll not just point out YOUR kinks, but will know her's too. And it's a very VERY important info, because you can influence the relationship by making her desires come true.
So, the ideal result is that you both become aware of your kinks and desires. And that's a good start - further on it gets easyer. Wait a couple of days, and try to invite her to your game, maybe offering her game in return.

You should remember, that most girls are submissive by nature. It meens they will never be a strict mistress to you, but they can play that role, if they get all they want. Remember, that being a sub in bed and in life is a different stuff. Most women want a strong and protective man around them, and not a submissive pussy. So don't mix those. And in bed too, you should remember, that most women have a desire to be taken or to be used, not to use you. She'll tease you all right, but in return you should still be a man with her. I'm pointing that out just to warn you of how it's bad to be. Maybe you should consider switching in some cases.

[edgingaddict]

Thank you for you answers. I really appreciate that you share you opinions on this forum.

It does all sound logical what you are telling me. The hardest thing for me is to find a girl and to not have those kinky things in mind right from the beginning. The fantasies are strong and I do very often think about them. Masturbation is always linked to them, there is no kinkyless orgasm. That's what it makes it so diffucult to enter a relationship with a focus on the girl and not on the kinks.

I share your approach. I have to find a way to not being dominated by these fantasies all the time. That's so fucking difficult and I am able to do handle that point so far.

[Nezhul]

why, fantasize about your kinks all you want. Just keep it to yourself for some time.
Actually it's easyer for me. I always looked not for the girl I can have sex with, but for a girl that I would want to make my wife. And sexual life is a part of this, but not the main. So it's easyer for me. Maybe you should try to think of it that way too?

It doesn't meen to look on personality more than sexual aspect. To leave happyly with your wife you'll need ALL your desires to be filled by her, and obviously do the same for her.

[edgingaddict]

Thank you Nezhul, I liked your statement: looking for a girl to make my wife, not to have sex with. And if the second part will follow the first one, that must be pure happiness. I really hope this time will come.

[Nezhul]

I'm sure you'll find a great partner.
And by the way, don't get me wrong. My idea is not to propose to every girl, and not to be too picky or scold them for something. I only say that for ME the best way is developing relationship only with a girl I don't mind living with the whole life. And I stop relationship with the ones I understand I can't maryy on. But you should always remember that there's no "IDEAL", the task is not to find someone that'd be PERFECT (it's great but not a dogma). It's just that you find someone whos bad sides are very well compensated with a good points.
Example - I don't like smoking people, and my girlfriend smokes. But as it's an obvious bad point for me, I know I like a lot of other things and her, so I can easyly forgive her the smoking )

[edgingaddict]

It's great to now people like you all are arround!