Wait a minute..this kind of seems like a guide on how to deal with anybody generally. lol. Know what you want, treat them with respect, be patient, be ready for rejection, don't be a dick, etc etc.
What in particular is useful here for courting a dom/me per se? I am not criticizing...I am just asking. I was expecting a guide to how to find and connect with local clubs and munches and stuff like that. Sorry if I am completely off base in my expectations for this thread. Everyone else seems to have benefited from it greatly.
Courting a Real Dom/me - The Guide for the Real Submissive
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belongstomistress
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TheGraduate
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Re: Courting a Real Dom/me - The Guide for the Real Submissive
This wouldn't be the place to look for that. As I am an active participant in the offline scene I could write such a guide, but I wrote this one for Online Femdom specifically, a scene loaded with underdeveloped men who never learned the basics of interacting with people, or forgot that it applies to everyone, even dommes and subs. It sounds bad, but the truth is that a huge majority of "online femdom" is shameful and unpleasant in this way. Lots and lots of guys looking for sexbots to gently hit them with a crop and tell them what to do, then leave. Lots of opportunistic "financial dommes" demanding money and posting tit-shots, but never going beyond that. etc.
This guide is for that scene. It's an escape manual.
This guide is for that scene. It's an escape manual.
Re: Courting a Real Dom/me - The Guide for the Real Submissive
Good advice for relationships period! Good work
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Teasing Taylor
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Re: Courting a Real Dom/me - The Guide for the Real Submissive
I want to compliment you on the lovely writing job you did. It's wonderful to see people talking about relationships, and not just fantasy. I think that having a good steady relationship is the first and foremost important thing there is. There are D/s elements in all relationships, it's just that those of us in the D/s BDSM community tend to add a few more complications on top of it all.
Taylor
Taylor
British cock controlling sadist Taylor http://www.flaminghotphonesex.com/taylor
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Heathcliff
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Re: Courting a Real Dom/me - The Guide for the Real Submissive
TheGraduate wrote:This wouldn't be the place to look for that. As I am an active participant in the offline scene I could write such a guide, but I wrote this one for Online Femdom specifically, a scene loaded with underdeveloped men who never learned the basics of interacting with people, or forgot that it applies to everyone, even dommes and subs. It sounds bad, but the truth is that a huge majority of "online femdom" is shameful and unpleasant in this way. Lots and lots of guys looking for sexbots to gently hit them with a crop and tell them what to do, then leave. Lots of opportunistic "financial dommes" demanding money and posting tit-shots, but never going beyond that. etc.
This guide is for that scene. It's an escape manual.
Amen brother!
Re: Courting a Real Dom/me - The Guide for the Real Submissive
"I'm a successful matchmaker with minimal effort." (thegraduate)
A successful BDSM match maker, that's like, double points... Or some such.
"I was expecting a guide to how to find and connect with local clubs and munches and stuff like that." (belongstomistress)
aside from using google to find your local group, and contacting them to RSVP just as any other social function it's easy. Show up and be you. Also a tip from personal experience, if you have the unfortunate mainstream tendency to use the word gay (espicially fag) as an adjetive for lame, IE refering to a restraunt that kicked out a munch due to wanting to be family friendly as "fing fags" do your very best not to do that at a munch.
No good will come of it. You may think getting topped by two aggrivated lesbians is hot. You may fantasize about such things. You may even think "they know me, they know I'm not like that" and think they're just dicking with your head. You will turn out to be very, very, very wrong on all counts when said two enraged lesbians top you in relation to something like that. Just take my word on that one.
As someone who met his match, at least for the past 5+ years, online in a BDSM chat room setting I'd agree with this guide. I would have to add something though that I don't see a lot in guides written on how to meet person X on the internet, be it in a BDSM or vanilla setting. Be ready for when you figure out you got a lot of it entirely wrong :)
In The Graduates case for example, you might be quiet wrong about yourself. You might not be into it at all, you might be bi, you might have your role reversed. I've flip flopped more than, well politics aside, I've switched from sub, to dom, to sub a bunch of times. Throughout relationships that originated both online and off. A couple of those times my partner did so with me, a couple times not.
I think that not enough emphasis is put on that when people are meeting each other online. Instead the more easily spotted and judged trends of extreme BS are focused upon. People boast a much higher line of BS on the internet than in person a majority of the time. I personally believe that this is hardly done with some sort of intended sense of deceit; instead it often times is done with no to little intent, but is just natural. Look at any other aspect of life and society.
I look at things through an economic view due to my upbringing so I can only articulate the online matchmaking scene being akin to the market. When the majority of claims are inflated, such as with the most recent housing and internet bubble (next energy), then everything else will generally be inflated along with it. If you believe everyone else is lying a lot, it's not so hard to lie just a little, even to yourself. Understand this effect not only to be on guard against others in that respect, but to be on guard against yourself.
Add to that the simple truth of looking for a match, be it a person or a job. A majority of the time the seeker is going to get, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, YES! That's discouraging, that's going to lead to normal people becoming desperate, desperate people tend to do desperate things. It's not the best sub that will get matched up to his or her best dom/domme but the best person at finding the dom/domme.
That's the fundamental lesson I'm drawing at least from this post. Don't exaggerate to the extreme along with the mass. It's an easy trend to detect to avoid in it's most extreme yet a hard temptation to avoid when it's done in slight.
I would strongly recommend to anyone seeking, whatever it may be, to get your hands on the book What Color is Your Parachute. While it may be a book about job hunting you'll find a lot of it applies to this sort of thing. It helped me immensely.
A successful BDSM match maker, that's like, double points... Or some such.
"I was expecting a guide to how to find and connect with local clubs and munches and stuff like that." (belongstomistress)
aside from using google to find your local group, and contacting them to RSVP just as any other social function it's easy. Show up and be you. Also a tip from personal experience, if you have the unfortunate mainstream tendency to use the word gay (espicially fag) as an adjetive for lame, IE refering to a restraunt that kicked out a munch due to wanting to be family friendly as "fing fags" do your very best not to do that at a munch.
No good will come of it. You may think getting topped by two aggrivated lesbians is hot. You may fantasize about such things. You may even think "they know me, they know I'm not like that" and think they're just dicking with your head. You will turn out to be very, very, very wrong on all counts when said two enraged lesbians top you in relation to something like that. Just take my word on that one.
As someone who met his match, at least for the past 5+ years, online in a BDSM chat room setting I'd agree with this guide. I would have to add something though that I don't see a lot in guides written on how to meet person X on the internet, be it in a BDSM or vanilla setting. Be ready for when you figure out you got a lot of it entirely wrong :)
In The Graduates case for example, you might be quiet wrong about yourself. You might not be into it at all, you might be bi, you might have your role reversed. I've flip flopped more than, well politics aside, I've switched from sub, to dom, to sub a bunch of times. Throughout relationships that originated both online and off. A couple of those times my partner did so with me, a couple times not.
I think that not enough emphasis is put on that when people are meeting each other online. Instead the more easily spotted and judged trends of extreme BS are focused upon. People boast a much higher line of BS on the internet than in person a majority of the time. I personally believe that this is hardly done with some sort of intended sense of deceit; instead it often times is done with no to little intent, but is just natural. Look at any other aspect of life and society.
I look at things through an economic view due to my upbringing so I can only articulate the online matchmaking scene being akin to the market. When the majority of claims are inflated, such as with the most recent housing and internet bubble (next energy), then everything else will generally be inflated along with it. If you believe everyone else is lying a lot, it's not so hard to lie just a little, even to yourself. Understand this effect not only to be on guard against others in that respect, but to be on guard against yourself.
Add to that the simple truth of looking for a match, be it a person or a job. A majority of the time the seeker is going to get, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, YES! That's discouraging, that's going to lead to normal people becoming desperate, desperate people tend to do desperate things. It's not the best sub that will get matched up to his or her best dom/domme but the best person at finding the dom/domme.
That's the fundamental lesson I'm drawing at least from this post. Don't exaggerate to the extreme along with the mass. It's an easy trend to detect to avoid in it's most extreme yet a hard temptation to avoid when it's done in slight.
I would strongly recommend to anyone seeking, whatever it may be, to get your hands on the book What Color is Your Parachute. While it may be a book about job hunting you'll find a lot of it applies to this sort of thing. It helped me immensely.
Re: Courting a Real Dom/me - The Guide for the Real Submissi
There is certainly a wealth of good information in both the original post and some of the replys.
You definitely do need to follow the advice in the original post.
But where/how to meet Dommes?
From my experience, the key to finding a wonderful Domme is to TURN OFF your computer and get your butt out there in the real world.
You can start online - but in my view ONLY to identify LOCAL groups.
Do you really think it's feasible to have a relationship with someone 300 miles away or more? Maybe. If you want to go this route, i'd recommend http://mystressworld.com. They'll not only match you up but make sure you're trained properly as a sub. But i have not tried this, so be warned. And of course you should be prepared to move.
But for a local objective, there are lots of BDSM and FemDom groups that have regular Meet and Greets, regular parties and other ways you can meet Dommes.
But you need to be yourself and make friends with the women first as a more or less equal. Only then will they play with you and only then will they consider you as a regular play partner. And at that point, well - you may have found a good match.
I would strongly recommend joining a FemDom group as opposed to other BDSM groups for the simple reason that EVERY Woman there is a Domme (or at least a Domme wannabe). And Every Woman there already has or is interested in finding a good male submissive. All you need to do is sort out the ones that are looking from the ones that have. And even the ones that already have a sub may always be interested in more! (Tip: Don't count on or expect a one-on-one relationship. It is generally unusual in this lifestyle).
My Mistress and myself met in what in my opinion is one of the better FemDom clubs - ClubFEM (Females enslaving males). There are local chapters in most major cities. Look at http://www.clubfem.com to find the local chapters and of course to find out more about the organization.
My Mistress and myself have been together almost 9 months now and are VERY happy with each other. It is by no means an exclusive 24/7 relationship (we both are married) - but it is one that meets OUR needs. We generally get to spend 20 hours a week together, not including Phone, IM or email time.
It did take me about 2 years being a ClubFEM member to find my Mistress. BUt a lot of that time was due to me NOT following the advice in the original post and not being myself and putting myself out there. And there were other complications like my wife attending too!
If you want to know more, PM me.
Good luck to all of you in your searches!
You definitely do need to follow the advice in the original post.
But where/how to meet Dommes?
From my experience, the key to finding a wonderful Domme is to TURN OFF your computer and get your butt out there in the real world.
You can start online - but in my view ONLY to identify LOCAL groups.
Do you really think it's feasible to have a relationship with someone 300 miles away or more? Maybe. If you want to go this route, i'd recommend http://mystressworld.com. They'll not only match you up but make sure you're trained properly as a sub. But i have not tried this, so be warned. And of course you should be prepared to move.
But for a local objective, there are lots of BDSM and FemDom groups that have regular Meet and Greets, regular parties and other ways you can meet Dommes.
But you need to be yourself and make friends with the women first as a more or less equal. Only then will they play with you and only then will they consider you as a regular play partner. And at that point, well - you may have found a good match.
I would strongly recommend joining a FemDom group as opposed to other BDSM groups for the simple reason that EVERY Woman there is a Domme (or at least a Domme wannabe). And Every Woman there already has or is interested in finding a good male submissive. All you need to do is sort out the ones that are looking from the ones that have. And even the ones that already have a sub may always be interested in more! (Tip: Don't count on or expect a one-on-one relationship. It is generally unusual in this lifestyle).
My Mistress and myself met in what in my opinion is one of the better FemDom clubs - ClubFEM (Females enslaving males). There are local chapters in most major cities. Look at http://www.clubfem.com to find the local chapters and of course to find out more about the organization.
My Mistress and myself have been together almost 9 months now and are VERY happy with each other. It is by no means an exclusive 24/7 relationship (we both are married) - but it is one that meets OUR needs. We generally get to spend 20 hours a week together, not including Phone, IM or email time.
It did take me about 2 years being a ClubFEM member to find my Mistress. BUt a lot of that time was due to me NOT following the advice in the original post and not being myself and putting myself out there. And there were other complications like my wife attending too!
If you want to know more, PM me.
Good luck to all of you in your searches!
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pagankinktress
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Re: Courting a Real Dom/me - The Guide for the Real Submissi
What an impressive piece! I just came across this essay....there are some pearls in there for sure. :)
Graduate, you should write more often. Do you have a blog or any other works that we can read?
Nicely done.
Graduate, you should write more often. Do you have a blog or any other works that we can read?
Nicely done.