Self Humiliation

[Pauline]

Hello everyone :)

For the past several days, I have been making my way into the world of being a sissy. I love it so far :) A problem I am having lately though is my fixation on humiliation. I keep wanting to show myself wearing my panties online and send pictures to people, but I know that could end badly. I dont want to reap the consequences of my actions. I was wondering if anyone here had any ideas on how to Humiliate ones self without exposing ones self to others. I hope this dose nt sound silly, I am really having problems with self control right now. sorry.

[dtspam]

You shouldn't send any pictures to people that don't want that, but there are enough BDSM-Sites out there, where may post your pictures or videos.
Or do you fear to be recognized? You can avoid that by wearing a mask or editing the pictures.
If you are a bit careful I don't really see, how that could blow back.
It's likely though that nobody will be interested and comment on those pictures.

[Cider]

Here is my opinion on the subject....when i started dressing and all that i was like you. i didnt want to show anyone pictures or post a pic on a profile on CM or fetlife or whatever because i was worried that someone would see. Then one time i met someone and showed them pictures, they of course showed them to other people (whatever) and one of the people that saw the pictures happened to live right down the road from me. OH CRAP you say...well that was my first reaction also until i found out that they were actually interested in having me dress up for them. *and thus setting me up for an amazing epiphany*(epiphany=a sudden intuitive leap of understanding, especially through an ordinary but striking occurrence) It turned out to be a good thing! So basically what i am getting at is this, everyone that is interested in seeing your picutres will love them and probably show them to people they know, but here is the thing, the people they show them too will also be into it or the other person wouldnt have thought to brag/show the pics of you to them...Make sense? But anyway, here is my 2 cents...dont post on yahoo messenger or facebook or something like that b/c then someone you know who is more vanilla may see you. Instead post your pictures on Collarme.com or fetlife or Milovana or whatever! doesnt really matter what the site is as long as its a site that is geared toward "not-normal" stuff...(normal to me and you but not to general public ). this may seem like too much to you at first, but you have to think...why would someone not interested in this stuff be on these websites? if you post on a gay / CD / "alternative" website or whatever and a friend of yours see's ur picture...so what??? he was browsing a gay site for god sakes! and no it wasnt an accident...no 100% straight man ever gets past the first page of a gay site or a CD site or a tranny site whatever, nor do women browse them unless they are looking for a humiliation slut, which is what you want anyway right? If you post your pics on the right site you will get humiliated, yes...but it will be by people who are doing it b/c they also like the scenario...i live in a very small town (about 1,800) people right smack in the middle of the bible belt and i post my freaky pics all over the place, and not once have i had anyone i know that wasnt into the lifestyle say a damn thing to me. Dont be scared... your fishing buddy/mom/friend from highschool/ co-worker is NOT i repeat NOT browsing Milo or similar to see if anyone he or she knows is a member (unless they like it and are looking for a partner of sorts)...if they are on these sites they like it also and it can turn into something great! You never know...ur next door neighbor could be interested in the same things you are, but just as scared to let the "understanding" part of the internet know and neither of you would ever know, whereas if you are both interested it could mean some real fun for the both of you! If you really enjoy humiliation just put up a profile/ pic whatever on some random bdsm dating site, or this site, or whatever alternative site you choose...i promise that only good will come out of it! HAVE FUN

[Pauline]

Thank you both for your insite. It really helps me out to know that others have gone through this expirience and are willing to share. I think I may just start with a pic, no face and post it. I'll see where it goes from there. Thanx again :)

[Handcuffed]

I think as long as it doesn't contain any identifying traits (face, name, etc.), it should be okay. If it does however, it has a potential to backfire.

[shell]

Hello *gentle smile*

I can be long winded, so bare with me, as I share my thoughts.

I applaud you on your desire to explore something that excites and interests you.

There have been several good points raised here although there were a few things I would have worded differently or not said at all.
But all in all there was good advice.

Here is what I have learned about posting images on the Internet, or sending them to someone that I trust.
First, there is always going to be someone that is cruel, and we are not talking about the kind of cruel that "feels good". You need to prepare yourself for those types of comments and let them pass over your head.
An example of this is, let's say you think you look good in pink panties. You post a picture like this and instead of people commenting on how girlie you look, you get several comments about how pink is so not your color. Those type of comments ARE going to happen.

I only post or give images with my face on them, to people I have formed a relationship with and trust them. It's not like I am ever going to be in politics or be well known, but I do not wish my family to be hurt by my sharing my naked self with others.
However I do not restrict sharing pictures without my face in them, or with my face concealed by shadow or something, if the mood strikes me.
I would suggest that you either crop the image at the shoulders, as if the picture was meant to be like that, or blur out a part of your face, instead of placing a mask, such as a hood on yourself. The image then becomes all about the mask and not the beauty in the kink of sissification.
You could always use make up, wigs, or masquerade masks to hide your identity but still remain pretty.

I have a question for you. There are two different kinks, self humiliation, and sissification. It sounds like you are more into the sissy aspect and not the humiliation kink. Is that true?
I would enjoy reading about what you like to do and what it makes you feel like when you do this kink.
*soft smile*

[Pauline]

Hello *gentle smile*

I can be long winded, so bare with me, as I share my thoughts.

I applaud you on your desire to explore something that excites and interests you.

There have been several good points raised here although there were a few things I would have worded differently or not said at all.
But all in all there was good advice.

Here is what I have learned about posting images on the Internet, or sending them to someone that I trust.
First, there is always going to be someone that is cruel, and we are not talking about the kind of cruel that "feels good". You need to prepare yourself for those types of comments and let them pass over your head.
An example of this is, let's say you think you look good in pink panties. You post a picture like this and instead of people commenting on how girlie you look, you get several comments about how pink is so not your color. Those type of comments ARE going to happen.

I only post or give images with my face on them, to people I have formed a relationship with and trust them. It's not like I am ever going to be in politics or be well known, but I do not wish my family to be hurt by my sharing my naked self with others.
However I do not restrict sharing pictures without my face in them, or with my face concealed by shadow or something, if the mood strikes me.
I would suggest that you either crop the image at the shoulders, as if the picture was meant to be like that, or blur out a part of your face, instead of placing a mask, such as a hood on yourself. The image then becomes all about the mask and not the beauty in the kink of sissification.
You could always use make up, wigs, or masquerade masks to hide your identity but still remain pretty.

I have a question for you. There are two different kinks, self humiliation, and sissification. It sounds like you are more into the sissy aspect and not the humiliation kink. Is that true?
I would enjoy reading about what you like to do and what it makes you feel like when you do this kink.
*soft smile*

Firstly, thank you so much for such a good response, all of these answers are really helping resolve my worries and fears on this subject. Originally, I started wearing girls clothes when I was 13 or 14. Back then I wold sneak in and borrow some of my sisters clothes and I remember just doing it one day, without much ryme or reason. When I was even younger, around 5 years old, I used to let my sisters think they where stronger than me, so that they would hold me down and put makeup on me and sissify/ Humiliate their big brother. Allot of the reason that I started getting turned on by wearing woman's clothes was that I was extremely self conscious and would be picked on by girls for my appearance, and I suppose I tried to find a silver lining in things by imagining that my purpose was for their entertainment and that the only way to please women or people at all was to Humiliate myself for them. I would go online and turn on my webcam, feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself and when women would comment, telling me mean things I would start to feel very sexual, very enticed to have the attention of someone I viewed as so much better than I am, as someone I wasnt worthy of even talking too. After a while, I found myself doing more embarrassing things, taking dares, destroying my own property and doing real nasty things all so that the girl on the other end would laugh at me or giggle at my situation. The feeling of exstacy would finally wear off after I would do these things. I would get mad that I let myself get used, that I was destroying my self for complete strangers. It became a habit. Before long, I couldn't cum without the thought of a woman humiliating me, hurting me, even torturing me. about a year ago, I met someone online that changed things somewhat. He was a boy that I originally thought was a girl. He wanted to be a woman and when we would talk, I would pretend he was and so would he. He told my about all the things he would do, trying on girls clothes and dressing up all cute. He said when he dressed up, he felt like a different person, like a more innocent person and that his worries didn't follow him into his fantasy. I loved the idea that I could escape my problems, escape the vicious circle of depravity and how I would feel afterward. Before long, I was fantasizing about wearing dresses and panties made out of silk with lace. I was fantasizing about being an innocent little girl, free from the problems of my real life. Time passed, I want able to give up my means of temporary thrill and enjoyment. The things I would do for people got dangerous. I recall there was one girl I met on get dare. I asked if she would give me dares and she said sure. After turning on my webcam, she told me to take a garbage bag and put it over my head and tie it shut. I felt so good, I wasn't thinking, and I promptly bent to her every wish pulling the bag over my head and tying it tight around my neck. It wasn't long before I started having trouble breathing. I sat on my hands as she instructed. I could hear her laugh and taunt me. She would tell me that the world would be a better place without me. I was almost in a dream. The plastic closed around my face as I writhed on my bed, listening to her every laugh, her every giggle. She was turned on, enjoying watching me suffocate myself. I started to feel tired, my lungs burned. She said I was pathetic before sighing out and I riped the bag off of my face. as I breathed in I became lite headed and passed out. Things like this became a common accurance. I was addicted to the feeling of release, and I couldn't cum without being tormented. I developed other fetishes in search for something that was so wrong that the thought of doing it by a woman's command made me cum. After being on this sight for quite some time, I finally met Lesub, and he rekindled my wish for being a sissy. I had ordered a sissy panty and bra a day earlier in order to humiliate myself further, but found when I put it on and after talking to lesub, that I enjoyed it, that I felt tame, calm. It made me happy to wear the panties and decreased my urge to do humiliating things in public for a chance to feel good. It's only been a handful of days, but so far I haven't done anything serious, nothing dangerous. I wear my panties and become Pauline, a nice, innocent girl that dose not do those bad things. I still feel the urge. I cant last more than a few days of not cuming before I go into serious withdraw. I still fantasize about women that humiliate me, but in a much more safe way. It's still very difficult and that's the point of this thread, to help find better alternatives to my current activities. I am sorry my story is so dark, I wish it wasnt, but that's why I am where I am today. If you want more info or I missed something you are curious about, just PM me and I will be happy to discuss it, talking about it makes me feel a little better.

[les]

Pauline
*hugs and kisses*

i am soo proud of you saying what you have
this is a huge step forward.
No you can move another step forward.

i will help all i can.

Each step you take will leave the bad things further behind you.
To not not taunt you any more.

There are so many nice people on milovana as the admins work soo hard to keep it that way.

Sleep tight little one.
Speak with you soon.



les

[Handcuffed]

I think it is dangerous for you to be pursuing this fetish, as I can only see a relapse if proper precautions aren't taken. It seems you have intertwined your feelings of inadequacy into this kink, which isn't healthy. You need to find out if you really enjoy the feminine aspect or just want to humiliate yourself because of an inferiority complex. If the latter, I think you should take all measures to stop. It's clear that this has been a destructive habit for you (you could have died!), so why do you think this time will be different?

It also seems that you want to be placed under someone else's control. If you must, you need to find a Domme that cares for you and is concerned about your health and safety. What a disturbing world we live in in which these girls you described on the webcam exist.

If this gets bad again, you should see someone to make sure it doesn't get out of control.

Please take care and consider whether this is safe for you to do, given your past history.

[shell]

*before commenting, I offer a long, warm embrace*
I’m glad that answers you are getting are helping to resolve some of the worries and fears you have had. *smile*

Thank you for sharing the history of you. *soft smile* You sure have been through so much as you have come along over the years.

I hate it that there have been so many women that have not treated you with respect. There is a healthy way to give someone humiliation and a way that is not healthy. You haven’t yet had the healthy way, it sounds.

This person that had you do the bag over the head thing…….that person should be in jail for attempted murder. That was not humiliation and wrong.

Although I agree with some things that Handcuffed said, I do disagree that you have to give the kink up all together. *smiles kindly at Handcuffed*

What you do need to do is learn two things.

First, you need to learn the submissives/slaves bill of rights.You can find it posted on another thread here, about half way down on the page.
http://www.milovana.com/forum/viewtopic ... &start=720

The other thing is you need to look down through this list…copy it, and print it out. You need to draw a line through anything that makes you feel sick to your stomach, not sexually aroused. Go slowly, so that one doesn’t get muddled with the one previous or below it.
The crossed out things will become your hard limits, things that you WILL NOT do for anyone.

This is a starting place, I will write more thoughts tomorrow…..

*hugs you again…*

*******

Humiliation Chart
Note: We should not put our BDSM values on anyone in the vanilla world! Please do not humiliate anyone in a Vanilla setting such as a restaurant or supermarket with a possibility of a vanilla person seeing these things.

HUMILIATION activities/ideas

*Act as objects (furniture, etc.)
*After orgasm, making sub drink his own cum
*Always address you Sir, ma'am, etc.
*Anal plugs
*Age Play
*Baby pacifier tied around neck
*Bathroom use control
*Bathroom use in front of others
*Become a human ashtray
*Beg for cigarettes, drinks, etc.
*Blindfolds
*Boot worship at odd moments
*Cavity check in private
*Cavity check in public
*Cage display
*Cage display and ignore them
*Carrying a doll or toy around
*Clip on earrings that don't match
*Crawl on 4ís
*Cum or urinate into their food.
*Curse words (Whore, Slut, Worthless, etc.)
*Curtsy in public
*Dancing/ stripped tease
*Dom chooses food
*Dom chooses cloths
*Dom urinates into water, while sub is taking a bath
*Eat from a pet dish
*Eat from floor
*Eat without utensils
*Embarrassing positions
*Enema
*Eye contact restrictions
*Feed submissive from hand
*Feeding the food in restaurant (Remember: don't put your values on others-if they can see)
*Feminine necklace exposed (for males)
*Foot worship
*Forced bestiality (not for everyone. This is a hard limit for most)
*Forced Cross dressing
*Forced dressing
*Forced exercising
*Forced nudity
*Forced masturbation in odd places
*Forced shopping for pantyhose and asking the clerk "would this fit me"
*Forced slave auction
*Forced to go to bathroom in front of others
*Forced to sell lemonade in the street like a kid for .10 cents
*Forced to wear a sign (slut, etc.)
*Forced to be a slave
*Forced to wear a leash
*Golden shower
*Handcuffs in public
*Handcuffed to a shopping cart while shopping
*Harem--serving w/other(s)
*Hood
*Human Garbage Can
*Immobilization
*Lead on leash while having a rubber bone in the mouth
*Leave bathroom door opened
*Leave note with embracing instructions
*Made to walk the streets in a Red Light District
*Made to urinate in front of others into a cat liter box
*Maid services
*Make sub wear underwear that you've urinated on
*Mask
*Nipple clamps under see thru top
*Orgasm control
*Orgasm denial
*Pantyhose work with shorts (male)
*Pet roles (act like a dog, cat, etc.)
*Pet play (forced sex w/pet)
*Record real embarrassing sessions and make them watch it
*Scat Play
*Scolding
*Spitting in face
*Send shopping with note and hand it to clerk.
*Serve others (supervised)
*Serve others (unsupervised)
*Serve as toilet
*Shave head
*Shave body hair
*Shave pubic hair
*Slap face
*Slave tattoos (temporary)
*Spanking (public)
*Speech restriction
*Spell Slave with suntan lotion & get tan
*Stand in corner
*Swallow urine
*Suck dildo in car, so others can see
*Take Pictures
*Take Video
*Verbal Abuse
*Wear a bra and get a tan (males)
*Wear diapers
*Wear Masters cum on your face without wiping
*Wear no bra under see thru top
*Wear no panties under see thru clothes
*Wear T-shirt that say ì'm a sissy boy, ì belong to Master, etc.
*Wear Collar everywhere
*Wear unmatching clothes
*Wear clothes that are ripped
*Write on body (slut, sissy, etc.)
*Undress in front of others

[Handcuffed]

Although I agree with some things that Handcuffed said, I do disagree that you have to give the kink up all together. *smiles kindly at Handcuffed*

That's not what I was saying. I meant that with him being in a vulnerable transition phase (probably not long since the bag incident), I would approach with caution what has shown to be an addictive and destructive habit in him.

[Handcuffed]

*Forced bestiality (not for everyone. This is a hard limit for most)

Not for anyone. Animals cannot consent, and as such any sexual act is illegal and wrong.

[shell]

Although I agree with some things that Handcuffed said, I do disagree that you have to give the kink up all together. *smiles kindly at Handcuffed*

That's not what I was saying. I meant that with him being in a vulnerable transition phase (probably not long since the bag incident), I would approach with caution what has shown to be an addictive and destructive habit in him.

My apologies for misunderstanding you. *soft smile*

[shell]

*Forced bestiality (not for everyone. This is a hard limit for most)

Not for anyone. Animals cannot consent, and as such any sexual act is illegal and wrong.

I was in error in not saying that I did not create the list, it was something I searched for on a BDSM training and information site that I know of.

Each of us have our own thoughts on this particular subject, and not all will agree. I do not judge others that wish to do things that I would not do.

I had heard things before, and after reading Your comment, I researched through Google for about 15 minutes and found a couple of different sites that do not support Your comment about it being illegal. I was surprised to find this out, because although I had heard or seen rumors, that's all I thought they were.

Apparently it is not illegal in a few of the United States. (I do not know about other countries.) I do not know how old this page is, because I did not research this information long. But here is a list of States it is legal in:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 448AAsGRJ9

I think this other site gives a deeper understanding about the laws, but that is just speculation after reading only the first paragraph.
http://www.animallaw.info/articles/ovuszoophilia.htm

I personally will not have sex with an animal, but I also will not tell someone else that it is wrong for them to do so; just like I will not urinate on someone else or be urinated upon, but I will not tell someone else that it is wrong for them to do so.

Opinions and what we feel either morally or based on religious beliefs are simply that, opinions. We all have them, in every area of our life. And in this place, we are free to voice those opinions. You have stated Yours, and I have stated mine, neither being right or wrong...just....existing together floating around in the air.

It is my opinion that this particular thread not be turned into an argument about bestiality, because the focus is to assist Pauline in coming to terms with his kink. *soft smile* My hope is that Your opinion is the same as mine on this. *warm smile*

[les]

Dear Chaps and Chpesses

It is my opinion that this particular thread the focus is to assist Pauline in coming to terms with his kink. *soft smile* My hope is that Your opinion is the same as mine on this. *warm smile*[/i]

Pauline has come an a great way forward in only a week.

Pauline is never a "he" in her mind.

that person is mascot,
Her public persona.

The former "SHE/HER" is successfully being rejected.
As no longer a desired personality.

Pauline is growing as the more powerful.
And is helping mascot to become calmer and more settled.


Thank you all for your comments
we will discuss them later today.

And look forward to future help and ideas.


les