Grammar and writing workshop

[slutty1]

nor a more fun aqproach, you could also check out this page:
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showflash.php?id=2497

[cumhardy]

"It's over there, where they're playing with their breasts. You pathetic loser, stroke your cock then palm its head. Now stroke again using a looser grip than last time. Don't forget to tie up those two balls too! You're getting hard now, huh?"

[les]

"It's over there, where they're playing with their breasts. You pathetic loser, stroke your cock then palm its head. Now stroke again using a looser grip than last time. Don't forget to tie up those two balls too! You're getting hard now, huh?"

It's over there,
where they're playing with their breasts.
You pathetic loser,
stroke your cock then palm its head.
Now stroke again using a looser grip than last time.
Don't forget to tie up those two balls too!
You're getting hard now, huh?

i think i got them all
But confusing as a single lump i agree.

Then some may despair that
i use line breaks excessively.


les

[cumhardy]

Another thing I would like to point out. I dont think normal grammatical rules always apply to teases. The text is usually supposed to be the girl talking to the viewer. Most people don't always talk with perfect grammar.
Its something Im aware of when writing them, to make the dialogue more realistic.
For example, starting a sentence with 'But' or 'And' is a big no-no when writing (or so I was taught in English classes). But quite often when people are talking they will start a sentence with And or But.

There are other rules that can be broken too so that the dialogue is more realistic... also SIMPLIFY sentences.
Just try to imagine someone saying aloud whatever you are writing. If is sounds unnatural, its usually because there is too much information in a sentence. See what you can remove whilst still getting the message across. (Mistesses DEMAND, they dont ASK. If is says "Can you stroke your cock for me?", it might work better simply as "Stroke your cock, NOW!")

[jim_c_ledford]

Hey, Cumhardy

Now you have me a thinking you know how people get into a bad habit of using the words "you know" in every sentence.

Could this be hot if done right?
I think it would get old quick, but I never get tired of valley girl talk if the women are hot.

I have a lesbian tease coming up with 2 solo woman that I have used or will use in solo teases. Now I am thinking that the women will cover how they like to roll play. Maybe do the valley girl talk.

I think I will research this and read some stories with valley girls in them. I am just not sure how to write good dialog. I know with your guys help here I will get it.

Also I think I can get by with using open office to catch all my errors now that I have had some proofreading done. After having you guys look at my stuff I see that I can trust myself more. Thanks for all your help guys.

Thanks
Jim

[les]

All language, not just English have two main forms

Correct, standardized or Academic
This is the form taught by schools world wide.
As well recommended for the written word.

Spoken or colloquial
The bastardised version used every day,
Also the one that changes almost daily in use from even street to street.
London has a huge variation of cultures
So here the variations are stratospheric

This is also the reason that American ,Antipodean, British, and South African "English" versions use many words in different contexts
They all stem from the same root
But have diverged and evolved differently along the way.

Conclusion colloquial is fine for teases.

Anecdote

Before my James moved to Holland
Annneke would spend nearly two months every summer in England
speaking English the whole time .
when she returned home friends and family had trouble understanding her.
As her accent, hence pronunciation, and the usage of words had changed.


les

[dolphkuellar]

I think there's a balance that needs to be struck -- with this as with almost everything else in life.

On the one hand, in my opinion it's better if the woman in the tease is an actual character rather than just an image to go along with the words. In that sense it would be good to give her certain mannerisms, have her speak colloquially in a certain way... like the valley girl talk, for example. That helps to make it feel like she's a character, an actual consistent person.

On the other hand, though, there's a risk involved in this. We're all slightly different and have different preferences, different likes and dislikes, different turn-ons, etc. The more the person in the tease becomes a specific character, the more it seems like the tease is geared towards a specific group of people (a specific subset of us). For example, say someone doesn't like valley girl talk. A tease with a valley girl character wouldn't be appealing. But if it's kept general, without too many specific mannerisms and so on, then there's a chance to appeal to more people.

I guess what I'm trying to say, in a long and convoluted way, is that the hard part here is making it specific enough to feel realistic and immersive, while at the same time keeping it as general as possible to appeal to a wide audience.

Anyway, that's just my opinion. I'm not at all trying to discourage anyone from doing anything -- of course there's nothing wrong with making a tease with a very specific audience in mind, if that's what you want to do.

[les]

Thinks

If the author enjoys the concept of the tease then
his/her imagination will shine through.
You will have then piqued the readers interest.

If strict constraints are imposed,
Then his/her creativity may well be crushed.

Perhaps that is why i failed English "O"level and never passed after three attempts
i was not allowed to write about what i enjoyed
red marks would appear "Off Topic" etc


les

[cumhardy]

I think I will research this and read some stories with valley girls in them. I am just not sure how to write good dialog. I know with your guys help here I will get it.

They the dialectizer http://www.shortbus.net/dialect.html if it works (I keep getting a server error message when I try it) or here http://www.degraeve.com/translator.php

[Mental slut]

I know I'm a little late on this, but one fun way to improve your grammar is to consult Grammar Girl's podcast at http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/ She consults questions that aren't answers typically answered in every book on English grammar, and, even though there is sometimes more than one correct way to write grammatically correct, her podcast can give you some fast tips, as well as other interesting stuff.

When it comes down to dialects, accents, etc., I find it helpful to follow the basic rules of character development. The best character development rule: Be specific. One basic example would be to go beyond the basic valley girl dialect. What kind of "valley girl" dialect does she/he have? Orange County? There is no right answer, so the point is to find justification for why the character does certain things (in this case, speaks with a certain accent, uses certain sayings, etc.), so you'll focus more on every word that is written down.

I hope this helps. I can't wait to read the valley girl tease.

[jim_c_ledford]

I hope this helps. I can't wait to read the valley girl tease.

I had looked around and found that Vally girl talk was a big turn off for me, so I had given up on the idea.
Now with your help I am all fired up with a new Idea along the same lines.

The new Idea is a romance between to women with emails and pictures between them. They could talk about what turns them on and valley girl talk could be one thing they find they have as a common turn on. This way they only have to talk this way when they want to fire each other up sexually. I would find a set of pictures with 2 women and then find solo sets of pictures of the same women. Could be 3 teases total, one each of the women writing love letters to each other and then the meeting they have after getting to know each other. In each of the solo emails I could build each character. and give a little history.

Or one tease where the women are sending emails to each other with one picture for each email. Then I could just make each page a replay to the message before it.

This would be more like a story then a guided tease witch I know I like.

Thanks for all the help I would have never gotten this far into this idea without it.

[Mental slut]

You're welcome, jim_c_ledford! I'm so glad that my advice was that inspirational. Plus, your new idea for your tease sounds amazing! I'm definitely looking forward to reading it.

[EternalLust]

the best bit of advice I can give you is learn to pronounce a word how it is spelt.


sincerely
pronounced

sin seer lee

is spelt

since er relly

hope that makes sense.

I'm good at english and still this makes no sense to me

[jim_c_ledford]

Hi

I am still working on the romance between to women with emails and pictures between them idea, it's just that it is going to take a long time for me to do it Justice so I have started working on other ideas also.

I want you to keep in mind that I am not into BDSM and that I am writing for the people that like the stuff I have already written.

I have some questions about what you guys really like in a tease. Now that I have set up some history with the Pulsar Women s' Society and the Pulsar group I think I can start doing some cool stuff.

I would like to do a four day odyssey type tease with a good story. Not every picture would be of hot women and only on the last day would the tease would pay off. I really want to build anticipation through seduction and plot.

First is four days to long?

How much time do you have to spend on the tease per day?

Do you like small side tasks assigned to you to think about during your day?

Do you like it when things are slowed down and you are kind of taken out of the mood?

Anything else you can think to add would be appreciated.

Thanks
Jim