Exit Stage Left, Lady X

[Lady X]

Hello to those that wish to read this. *gentle smile*

Yes, you read the title correctly, I am leaving Milovana again and this time I won't be coming back.

There is much speculation and I am going to set the record straight, directly from My lips to your ears.

First, I am not leaving because of any one thing or one person, so no self blaming or blaming of others allowed. *smile*
Life just happens some times.

Yes, I got a little shell shocked by something that was said by Indy, but he was hurt by My not staying in contact with him, when I did tell him I would. That's on Me, not him. *looks at him* I'm sorry I let you down darlin. *gentle smile*

Yes, I got set back a few paces when I found out that a submissives body didn't like a task I put before him, but I don't blame him, nor do I blame Myself. Again...life happens.

So, why am I leaving?

I am not finding the peace and happiness that I thought I would, when I came back.
When My son started back to school and life was settling down after an exhausting summer that included a death in My family, I thought I wanted to come back here and get lost in the relationships I know are possible here at Milovana.

When I left before, I did so because of several things.
First, I had some major drama going on here at home and couldn't cope.

But something had happened shortly before My leaving. I found out that most of the Teases that are written are written by men from a woman's perspective. That blew Me away.
For those that followed the Penetration of Lady X thread, you know that being upfront and honest is what I am grounded in.
I am not saying, by any means that writing as a woman, while being a man is wrong. For what ever reason, it just didn't sit well with Me and every time a tease is mentioned I flinch inside. Do you understand when I say, "it's Me, not you"? Just because it bothers Me, doesn't make it wrong. It just means I can't deal with it. It causes Me to look at each person with question....."is this person "REALLY" a male...."REALLY" a female?

All those years, when I chatted, having sex with this one and that one....I simply didn't care if the person I was talking to, having sex with, was not who they said they were...I was, excuse My language, but I was fucking and enjoying it, so who cared.
But this place is different. It's very easy to form friendships and relationships here. But when My walls are up and I am sending every word spoken to Me through My personal "truth or lie" part of My brain, the fun goes out of it.

I think Milovana is great! I have brought several people from chat rooms here and will probably still recommend it to others.

I don't think I should be judged, spoken poorly of or looked down upon because it doesn't feel right to Me. I think instead I should be praised for having the courage to speak the truth as to why I am leaving.

les, you asked why I cut the task short. All that I have just said is a good part of the reason.

But there is one more little part.............and perhaps in hearing this, if you are angry, or sad at Me for walking away, perhaps knowing this might help those feelings go away.

Two days after I came back here, I was reunited with a submissive that caught My eye around four years ago. he is free from Others, for the first time since we met. I wish to pursue him. I wish to see if there is something there that is worth hanging on to. he excites Me and brings Me joy, each time we have spoken over the course of the years we have known each other.

So, yes, I want to devote My time to him, exclusively..........I will not feel guilty for wanting that. I want to be happy and content just like everyone else does. *gentle smile*

*****

For all those that participated in My "Monday" task........I was honored that you joined Me for it. I also loved reading down through each and every one of your sharing how things went with you. Each of you brought Me joy and I thank you. *warm smile*

I send good thoughts and well wishes to each of you. It is My hope that as you go through life, searching for the happiness you seek....that you find it in abundance. Be well My friends.......and as always...*looks at les and smiles*....BE SAFE, gosh darn it! *giggles*

*blows warm kisses into the air* Catch em if you want them.

Goodbye Milovanites *soft smile*

[green]

That is bad news :(.

Lady X I respect your decision, but I can't quite understand it.

This is a virtual platform, you can just stay here, and don't post for months, if you don't feel like... then, when life is treating you well again, you can just return... Why saying that you're gone for good.... because you may regret this decision at one point, and hm.. well maybe want to return then, but then you may feel the burden you put upon yourself through this thread.

Just some silly thoughts *-*.. .yup...

I will Miss you, Lady X.

Thanks for everything you did to me ( ) and for everything you did for the whole community.

Feel free to drop in from time to time =]....

And another thing... I do always see you replying to each and every forum post(directed at you) and taking anything quite personal... I think thats another thing you would not have to do... I believe that anyone would understand if you just can't reply to each post.. because that would be .. at times.. quite time consuming.. and if you wouldnt have the mindset that you would have to reply, you would probably feel much more free and enjoy your time here more...

more silly thoughts *heehee* =)..

I'm wishing you all the best, for your reallife, and virtual life. *sends you bright blessings and hugs you softly*

Take good care, Lady X

~green~

[AngelAnna837]

*goes to cry in the corner*

[denton]

Oooh, I seem to have a knack for getting to know people who leave just a few days later :(

Lady X, from what I read of yours you are very smart, sensual, warm and honest. It's sad that you're leaving this place, not only because there won't be any further tasks.

All the best to you, and to Indigo as well. A place like milovana shouldn't make anyone feel bad or overburdened :(

[les]

LadyX
i hope you are doing what You want to do.

Not just because You feel You should/must with reluctance.

Its Your life do Your best to enjoy it.

With Love

les

[Human]

... truth is, ... the past year has taken a toll on me. I just can't keep it up anymore. I'm sorry to those I've let down, and even more sorry to those of you I call friends ... whom I won't be around for.
.

Ack, Indy, rough times are when its nice to be around a group of friends, internet or real life. Hope you'll drop in from time to time, with there being no commitments (or mod duties).

Anyhoo, best wishes and I hope you feel better soon.

[les]

i have always thought of Milovana
As a place to be able to act out our dreams
For those of us who have not the opportunity to live them.


les

[les]

Hello to those that wish to read this. *gentle smile*

Yes, I got set back a few paces when I found out that a submissives body didn't like a task I put before him, but I don't blame him, nor do I blame Myself. Again...life happens.

LadyX

It wasn't that i did not like it.
i did enjoy it.

As i pushed myself i realised in my case
my body's defences where compromised,

And i could seriously damage myself without knowing it.

i knew you did/would not want that.

loadsa
les

[androgyme]

Well... fuck. That pretty much sums it up.

Lady X - I wish you all the best.

*shrugs*

*shakes head*

I don't know what else to say. Just... damn.

I guess I'm off to have an orgasm.

Thanks for the brief times you gave me your attention. I'll cherish them.

[dr.d]

Two days after I came back here, I was reunited with a submissive that caught My eye around four years ago. he is free from Others, for the first time since we met. I wish to pursue him. I wish to see if there is something there that is worth hanging on to. he excites Me and brings Me joy, each time we have spoken over the course of the years we have known each other.

So, yes, I want to devote My time to him, exclusively..........I will not feel guilty for wanting that. I want to be happy and content just like everyone else does. *gentle smile*


*blows warm kisses into the air* Catch em if you want them.

Goodbye Milovanites *soft smile*

I may not have knowen you long but I will miss you, you have an elegance in your writting style that encoraged creativity in others and the fact that you care what happens to a submissive when other domme's that I have had the misfortune of meeting would not have cared of anyone was hurt or not speaks volumes about your compassion. I understand about wanting to be happy and I hope that your life is filled with bliss. Indigo I hope that things get better for you, and if anyone blames you for lady x's leaving to pursue her happiness I think its safe to say that we will take up a collection and buy him a clue. for what it worth lady x I never lied in my posts I do have a bad leg and I did have a bad experince with a domme that has convinced me that I am not a switch or a sub anymore. you have a chance to be truly happy don't let it pass you by go after it and be happy. you and Indigo will all ways have friends here.catchs a kiss and waves goodbye*sad smile*

[daquiri]

First, and foremost, I need to make something abundantly clear. I was the one who told Lady X that most folks on the site are guys, who write the teases from a female perspective. If there are those of you that are upset about that, you may feel free to direct your animosity my direction.
.

Really?
OMG. No way. Guys write the teases? Sunava...
/sarcasm



Seriously? Who didnt know that? Please...


*this isn't something against you Indigo for saying anything by the way.

[camel]

Lady X: The fact you're leaving is our loss.

I found out that most of the Teases that are written are written by men from a woman's perspective. That blew Me away.

*sputter* Of course they are!

I'm trying to figure out how a heterosexual male sub's T&D fantasies could be crafted as a web tease any other way and be better. I mean... it's not like we want to pretend to be women, it's that we want to read hot stories and currently there aren't enough women doing it. I find it painfully ironic to think that the solution reinforces the problem. We don't have more women teasing because there aren't enough women teasing?

Speaking for myself, my target audience is myself... or that part of myself that is submissive and into being teased. If I were to write a tease, with a target audience of dominant females, THEN I might write from the submissive male's perspective.

I wonder... if there was a webtease site that only allowed teases to be written by dominants, if that would attract more people like Lady X.

[camel]

I just can't keep it up anymore. I'm sorry to those I've let down, and even more sorry to those of you I call friends ... whom I won't be around for.

Indigo,

You've done a lot, and the reward for your participation in Milovana isn't enough any more. I get that. I don't blame you.

I recommend leaving but only for a while, then coming back and accepting zero responsibility for anything Milovana. Go back to being a lurker, and expand to what you feel like doing, but refuse any expectations by others for this site.

Either way, thank you!

[dr.d]

I'm sorry to those I've let down, and even more sorry to those of you I call friends ... whom I won't be around for.

I leave with one final thought ...

Peace will come ... but whether borne of harmony, or entropy, who can tell?

Goodbye ...

you never let anyone down, if anything we demanded too much from you, you deserve to be happy just like the rest of us . take this time and find some thing that makes you happy and enjoy your self. and one more thing hold on to that happiness and never let go

[masterstroke]

OK, I can understand the site not fulfilling your expectations. I can also understand wanting to devote your time exclusively to your sub.

However, shocked that most of the teases on this site are written by men? I find that difficult to believe. With names like Masterstroke, Ballsfull, Lesub, Slave Alexander, Rooster51, Cumhardy, its pretty obvious. If that didn't clue you in, how about phrases such as "devoted to my mistress," or "Little Miss Jay's Devoted Stroker," or "owned by littlerocker girl,"? Finally, women write differently than men. That's more of a gut feeling than a quantifiable fact. Reading the threads will tell you 80% of the time what the person's gender is.

In addition, what's wrong with writing your fantasies into a tease? It's not like I'm being deceptive writing a tease from a woman's perspective.

Anyway, good luck in your future endeavors.

So, why am I leaving?

I am not finding the peace and happiness that I thought I would, when I came back...

But something had happened shortly before My leaving. I found out that most of the Teases that are written are written by men from a woman's perspective. That blew Me away...
For those that followed the Penetration of Lady X thread, you know that being upfront and honest is what I am grounded in. I am not saying, by any means that writing as a woman, while being a man is wrong. For what ever reason, it just didn't sit well with Me and every time a tease is mentioned I flinch inside...

Two days after I came back here, I was reunited with a submissive that caught My eye around four years ago. he is free from Others, for the first time since we met. I wish to pursue him. I wish to see if there is something there that is worth hanging on to. he excites Me and brings Me joy, each time we have spoken over the course of the years we have known each other.

So, yes, I want to devote My time to him, exclusively..........I will not feel guilty for wanting that. I want to be happy and content just like everyone else does. *gentle smile*

Goodbye Milovanites *soft smile*