new girl with a question

[scutie]

hi guys and girls. i'll lay the situation out for you. i was on my roommates computer a few days ago when i came across this site. i've since had a look around and at some other sites he visits. to say i'm shocked is an understatement. i can't believe some of the stuff he's into. i've not been able to stop thinking about it. i just don't know what to do now. should i tell him i know his secret? should i just ignore it and pretend it never happened? what do you think i should do? please, i really need some help here. thanks.

[elvisomar]

The first thing that occurs to me to suggest is, if you do decide ever to say anything, you need to be supportive of his interest and assure him you are not judging him negatively. You should also be aware that saying anything at all to him will raise the question in his mind about whether you are interested in helping him to fulfill those fantasies. It might be helpful to make the answer to that question obvious to him, as well. So, if you are interested in playing with your roomie, and helping him to fulfill some fantasies as well as those that seem to be rising in yourself, then I recommend you do say something.

If you are feeling uncomfortable about his interests, or if you are certain there is no potential for the two of you to move your relation into something sexual, even casual friendly sex, then I would avoid bringing it up. In that context it will embarrass him and make you look to him like a snoop, and that could muddy the waters of your friendship. Unless you genuinely find it interesting, and want to make discussing but not enacting those fantasies part of your relationship. Whatever the possibilities, I hope you both are relatively direct and honest with each other about your feelings around the subject. With such an intimate subject, that is pretty crucial, I think.

Having said all that, just how you raise the question really depends on your relationship with him. Do you talk about sex already? It's unclear from your question if you are just acquaintances, old friends, close friends with benefits, or what. If you two already have some kind of sexual history (from occasional conversations and stories all the way to good, old-fashioned fucking) then you might just consider springing it on him like the scripts in some of the stories on this site.

Whatever you decide, I hope it goes well for you both. I hope others add their thoughts, as well, and maybe you'll report back here with what happens?

[caphalor42]

i was on my roommates computer a few days ago when i came across this site. i've since had a look around and at some other sites he visits.

while your first action might count as a mistake, your further spying action is really not ok (at least from my point of view). I think you have to apologise if you dont want to be a complete asshole (sorry for the hard words, but thats how I see it). How you do that really depends on your relationship.

[elvisomar]

I don't see this as a cut-and-dried example of the invasion of privacy. From the question, here's an analogous situation: She sat down at his desk to make some notes of her own using his writing pad. She opened one of the unlocked drawers looking for an eraser and in that drawer was an eraser and a vibrating cock ring. From there, it sounds like her curiosity about what she found by accident caused her to learn more about it on her own.

I think it should go without saying that she should not share her discovery with anyone in their real-life circle of friends. Now she either needs to forget she ever saw it, or mention it to him only in a supportive context either to learn more about the topic or to advance the relationship into something sexual. Whether or not she decides to engage sexually with the roommate, when she does talk about this subject with him, it will make their relationship more intimate, and she needs to enter into that phase with both eyes wide open.

I do agree, however, that if she does broach the subject at all, it would be an appropriate gesture to offer an apology for inadvertently violating his privacy. But it doesn't sound to me like she was snooping on purpose, and that he did nothing to use standard privacy measures on his computer to prevent his roommate from making the discovery. (In my opinion, unless he said "Please never use my computer without my permission" it's not really a violation.)

I can honestly say, if I had a female roommate and I were not using password security on my computer, while still having bookmarks and history pointing to this site, it would be because I secretly wanted her to find it. I do have housemates now, and all computers here have multiple user accounts, including a guest account with no password so visiting guests can check their email or what-have-you and my Milovana.com bookmark remains visible only to me, buried in a bookmark folder called "stuff".

[storydejour]

Sounds like a plot for a good teasing story. Did you see anything about bondage during your research?

[ballsfull]

Well, as was mentioned earlier, it depends on what your relationship is with your roommate....

If you two are ~just~ roomies, sometimes share a computer, and accidentally stumbled across his website history, then I think the best thing you could do would be to not say anything, just forget it (if you can), and move on like nothing happened...

If you're more than just that to each other, and were (unknowing to him) on his computer, then that's something else altogether... This could go many different ways....

And a lot of good advice is contained in Elvisomar's response, but it's kinda hard to know what direction this could go in without knowing more about the relationship you two have....

Good luck regardless,

Barry

[cumhardy]

Sounds like a plot for a good teasing story.

Yes..... Suspiciously so!
I can see where this is going...

[EternalLust]

To start, if you don't ever talk to him about him watching porn, well it is obvious you shouldn't open the subject. If this isn't the case, well just do what you feel, but be aware of the consequences. And if you feel like sharing his fantasies well it might be smart not telling him, but getting to the fantasie subject "innocently". But be carefull: not everything he sees on the internet reflects what he wants in real life.

And then, I don't understand why you panic about it, everyone is into something that is somewhat weird, and beleive me some stuff are much more skocking then that. Unless you got to some posts he made stating he has some real life really bizarre fetiches (like dangerous) there is nothing much to worry about. I don't know what are the other websites, but stuff like on milovana are just an extreme of some elements of everyone's life (power play, teasing, etc), and personnally it helped me understand human behavior, and so understand other much better. So he is probably 100% normal.

Last, you ask for help on a question without being pricise on the background (your relationship: history, actual, and your plan, and of course what you think his plan are) and on the problem itself (what exact contenant have you noticed. Is it just regular fetish websites? or is he giving away money on some financial domination website?).

All sex is not alike, all porn is not alike, all fetishes are not alike.

Well if you still don't know haw to handle it, you can PM me and I'll be happy to help. But first consider what you really want, and everything will become clear.

[storydejour]

Sounds like a plot for a good teasing story.

Yes..... Suspiciously so!
I can see where this is going...

[curved]

Sounds like a plot for a good teasing story.

Yes..... Suspiciously so!
I can see where this is going...

You old cynic

[choice]

Wow... people actually believed this?

[elvisomar]

There is a difference between accept the story at face value, and the acceptance of the question in theoretical terms. I found the question interesting to ponder.

[Nezhul]

I'll post too.

First of all you should understand, that we all are different people, and we have different kinks. Someone likes the idea of sex in a room filled with candles, some imagine being in jail or being raped, Some would like to do it on a beach under the moon... There are a LOT of sexual fantasies and kinks. That's the first thing you should understand.

The second is, that we may have this kinks for our own. This is private. I am NOT IN ANY WAY accusing you in breaking privacy - I don't like this shit in US way of thinking, it's wrong. What I want to tell is, that he is a free man just like you, and he have a right to do and like whatever he wants. While it isn't affecting your life, like while he isn't asking you to tease him, It shouldn't concern you.
Like I'm into BDSM as a dom. You may say I'm a pervert a bit and it's true. But some of my partners never realised it. And a lit of my friends will never know it. I lke normal sex as much as I like BDSM. Some of my girlfriends (which I had only 4) never knew this. One knew my kink 'cos it went out in a discussion, but she didn't like the idea. And afret she knew it for almost a year we continued dating having normal sex.
What I want to tell you, is that despite he's kink's he is still the same person, normal in any way. And if you'll ever find yourself interested in him as a boyfriend, you should understand that he might be just as any other guy.

Now, moving forward. The interest in this particular site may NOT mean that he has a serious kink about denial. I don't. But I like the teases, finding them very arousing. Also I like the feeling of long masturbation and edges. But I cum always. It's just an improvement to my sexual life like porn, nothing more.

And at last the answer on your question.
If he's a stranger to you, like only your roommate, not a close friend or boyfriend, I don't think you should tell him, or at least untill this topic flows naturally. Let him have he's privacy.
If he's close to you, and the topic BUGS you too much, than you should talk to him. But be gentle. He's also a human being and has feelings. I don't think you'd like him to pop in front of you and tell you he hates the way you dress.
If it doesn't bug you, to make it less stress to him, you may want to wait a bit. It's always better seing that some time has passed since you'v been discovered, because it like tells you: everything not that bad and the topic wasn't so shocking and urgent.
And also - analize your own thoughts on this topic. Is this awful perverted things unacceptible to you? Or maybe you are interested a little, but shy and afraid of it might be judged?

[Nezhul]

Wow... people actually believed this?

It doesn't really matter if it's a fake. If it's not and someone wants advice - why not?

[scutie]

thanks everyone. i'm sorry, i probably should have been more informative. it's just i'm still a little shocked. i really don't want to go into too much detail regarding our personal life. i'll just say we've been friends almost our whole lives and we're very comfortable together. we've been a little intimate at times, but that was just kid stuff experimenting. we're comfortable with each other, always holding hands and snuggling when we watch tv. i don't know how to explain how i'm feeling right now. it's weird, but i like what i've discovered. i keep thinking about teasing him. i think he'd like that, but i'm not sure. i really need some advice. thanks.