Share a Dirty Joke

[peckersnot]

The world can be a wearisome place sometimes, and most of us could use a laugh to brighten our day.
So what I propose is that members consider contributing a dirty joke -is there any better kind?- to this thread.

Here's mine:

The pretty, young elementary school teacher was extremely nervous about teaching rudimentary sex education to her class of grade five students. She had just got through explaining a diagram of the male reproductive system to the spell-bound class of boys and girls when Bobby put up his hand to ask a question.

"What is it, Bobby?" the teacher replied.

"Well, Miss Jones, in your diagram, the man only has one penis....Is this normal?"

"Yes, Bobby," replied Miss Jones, "men only have one penis."

"Uh, Uh," responded Bobby.

"Whatever do you mean?" inquired his teacher.

"My daddy has two penises....I've seen him....He uses the little one to pee with, and the big one to brush the babysitter's teeth."

[Salt]

A white guy is going to the bathroom at a Urinal, and a tall black gentleman saddles up next to him and starts to go, the white guy thinks to himself its a good opportunity just to see if the rumors were true about the size of a black man's penis.

He tries to lean over inconspicuously, and takes a quick glance.

"Oh, you're girlfriend's name is Wendy too? Thats a funny coincidence" he says

The black man turns to him and says "what?"

"you had your girlfriends name tattoo'd to your dick just like I did, what a funny coincidence" says the white guy.

The black guy starts to laugh and says "no no man, it says 'Welcome to Jamaica, Have a Nice Day'".

[janmb]

The following is said to have taken place during the UN peace-keeping operations in Lebanon back in the 80ies:

A new group of recruits had just arrived at their assigned base, located well into the desert. Upon arriving, the sergeant held his "usual" speech to the new guys; Don't step on mines, clean your feet every day, no hair in the soup, etc etc. You get the idea.

At the end of this little lesson however, he asked the recruits to follow him behind a little shed at the edge of the camp - where they see a camel slumbering peacefully in the shade.

"Well", said the Sgt, "when little boys like yourselves have been away from home from a while, isolated from women and so on.... we realize that certain needs arise and need to be attended to. So therefore we have Sally here, free to use for whoever needs it."

A couple of the recruits gave a little gasp, but no more remarks where made, they had learned well that it doesn't pay to ask questions.

Now, two weeks later, one of the recruits were lying on top of his sleeping bag, thinking of his gf back home, and getting awfully horny. At which time he came to remember Sally behind the shed.

A few minutes later, the sergeant hears some funny noises behind the shed, so he grabs his gun and carefully makes his way to the corner of the shed and peeks around to look.

There, of course, he spots the recruit being busy with Sally.

"What the hell are you doing!??"

"Uhm, well didn't you say we were to use Sally when we needed our relief?" gulps the surprised recruit.

"For riding to the village to go to the brothel!"


(Pardon any poor language, I'm sure some may have been lost in translation)

[camel]

A guy goes to Asia for a penis enlargment procedure where they graft on skin from elephant trunks.

When he gets back home, he decides to surprise his wife after taking her out to dinner at a nice restaurant.

So they're talking, he feels really odd movement, and then he and his wife are surprised when his penis reaches up onto the table, grabs a dinner roll off his plate and disappears!

"WHAT WAS THAT?!?" his wife whispered.

While he was explaining, and thinking this was not going well, his penis snuck up and nabbed another piece of bread before he could stop it.

Starting to see the possibilities, she wanted to watch for it this time and asked "Do you think you can do it again?"

"I think so," he said, "but I'm not sure I can take another bun up my ass."