Things NOT to say during sex...

[Alison]

What else can you add?

Is that smell coming from you?
Haven’t you ever done this before?
What’s your name again?
A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time.
Smile for the camera!
I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.
Hold on, let me change the channel.
But you just started!
Is it in yet?
On second thought, let’s turn out the lights.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening.
Just use your finger, it’s bigger.
You woke me up for that?
Want to see me take out my glass eye?
It’s nice being in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate.
Maybe you’re just out of practice.
phone rings) Hello? Oh nothing and you?
I thought that goes in the other hole
Can you finish now? I have a meeting
Damn! Is that all you know how to do?
Did I tell you I have herpes?
Hurry up, the game’s about to start.
Are those real?
What, oh yea, I love you too, now let me concentrate!
All of a sudden I have a headache
Of course you can’t be on top, you’re too fat, you’ll kill me!
Does your family have to watch?
You wanted me to use a condom?
Mooooo!
I wanna see how many quaters I can fit in there
OK start… Oh! that feels so… YOU’RE DONE?
Do you smell something burning?
Try breathing through your nose
A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!
Did you lock the back door?
Whipped cream makes me break out
Do you accept Visa?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
But I just brushed my teeth…
I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
I want a baby!
Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
I think you have it on backwards
When is this supposed to feel good?
You’re almost as good as my ex
Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
Perhaps you’re just out of practice
Now I know why he/she dumped you…
What tampon?
Don’t worry, my dog’s really friendly for a Doberman
Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
How long do you plan to be “almost there”?

And my personal favorite: You’ll stil vote for me, won’t you?

[1azzu1]

What’s your name again?
Hold on, let me change the channel.
On second thought, let’s turn out the lights.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening.
Hurry up, the game’s about to start.
Are those real?
Try breathing through your nose
You’re almost as good as my ex

hehe i have acually used the ones in the quote...
("You’re almost as good as my ex" did end with a knee to the balls...)

[Nwah]

I think I left the stove on.
Did you shower today?
Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! I got Bodies of Water for $200!
Stop blowing me, I need to get hard.
Well, on the bright side I now know for a fact that I am gay.
You're a lot tighter than your mom.
Um... If my doctor said the tests were positive it's good, right?
Haha, your belly button is an outie.
Yeah! My buds all said it couldn't be done, but I slept with 5 people in one day! A few were hookers, but it counts.
You're wearing a gag next time...
Ow, I think my cut is reopening from when I was shaving down there...
Hey, where's the little man in the boat? All I see is a little man hiking through a jungle.

[1azzu1]

You're wearing a gag next time...

wish someone whould tell me that :P

[Nwah]

You're wearing a gag next time...

wish someone whould tell me that :P

Oh, but it all depends on the tone of voice.

[Makarov]

Is this your first time?
Where did I put my cell phone?
Oh god yes, [insert someone else's name, someone who you're totally not having sex with]
Oh god yes, I knew my 385th woman would be excellent!
Will you marry me?
To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to...etc.
Your tits look misshapen from this angle.

[les]

Can you break a dollar?

Pure genius Indy.

Les

[camel]

There's a sexual position called the "rodeo"

The rodeo is the same as doggy, except you say "Gee, you're almost as tight as your sister" and then try to hold on for eight seconds.

[Jaberwocky]

About that taste in your mouth,.. I told you that I recently had my period, right?

[Human]

There's a sexual position called the "rodeo"

The rodeo is the same as doggy, except you say "Gee, you're almost as tight as your sister" and then try to hold on for eight seconds.

That is fantastic !!!!

[Nwah]

Gee, I look a lot older than 15, right?

That's an awkward situation if I ever heard one. Send me the in-laws instead, please.

[Heathcliff]

To quote Marla Singer: "I want to have your abortion!"

Which, apparently, was considered by MPAA as less risqué then the line they were forced to change it to: "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."

You gotta love America.

[RoniDev]

Hmmm I guess a "Ohhh Mike...." will work great on your girlfriend/wife ;)

[Nwah]

To quote Marla Singer: "I want to have your abortion!"

Which, apparently, was considered by MPAA as less risqué then the line they were forced to change it to: "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."

You gotta love America.

Despite being a massive fan of that movie, I didn't know they changed that line. They have some strange standards...

[Mr.E]

haha my playmate and i have recently been experimenting with hilarious and weird things to say just after orgasm my favourites being:

Good job!
Yes! I WIN!
Bazinga!
Oh?
Shazam (In a leary voice)
I need cookies