Feedback on 1st tease requested

[Vinny Vodka]

Well, I've finally finished my first tease. It's the first of a planned 3-4 part series and it's called "The Ensnared Slut 1: Caught!"

http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showtease.php?id=8424

I'm hoping to hear not just what you liked about it but also any ideas on how to improve my teases in the future. Thanks.

[camipco]

First, welcome to the site and thanks for contributing!

I think there's a lot of good things about your tease, you have some great original ideas, your writing is decent and not plagued with distracting errors.

For me, teases which are in the second person are always less sexy to read. There's something disconcerting about it, I find. That was my biggest problem with the tease.

It also, again to my taste, has too much background. I like a little story, sure, but mostly I like a tease that gets to it. Honestly, after a dozen pages of set up about Amy my attention was starting to wander.

I think overall it reads more like an illustrated story than a webtease. And there's nothing wrong with that, and it's certainly possible to do that well (cactusman's stuff, for example, is obviously very popular). But in general the stuff people seem tend to like is more directly a webtease, which incorporates some amount of story but focuses on the instructions to the reader.

Please understand I liked your writing, and I'm just one observer. There's merit to sticking to your vision instead of shifting too much to please the rating masses.

Again, thanks for writing!

[cumhardy]

hey there,
i enjoyed reading it, i like story teases because sometimes I cant be bothered following orders ;)
nice idea, is there going to be a follow-up?

one thing...the cardboard cutout woman in the gas station... it was very distracting. I could photoshop some better ones for you if you wanted but im not sure if pictures in webteases can be changed once set

[SexualChoc]

hey there,
i enjoyed reading it, i like story teases because sometimes I cant be bothered following orders ;)
nice idea, is there going to be a follow-up?

one thing...the cardboard cutout woman in the gas station... it was very distracting. I could photoshop some better ones for you if you wanted but im not sure if pictures in webteases can be changed once set

Yes photos can be changed,
last time I wrote a regular tease there was no longer difficulty changing photos
but even if it's tricky to change a photo you can write Seraph for help
He has helped me change photos in teases many times
(Thank you for all that you do Seraph)

[str0be]

I don't often do the feedback thing, but after I read your tease I had to post. Welcome to the party and it's great to see a new member putting up a tease.

The use of 'Amy' at the beginning caught my attention immediately and got me into the story. I can see Campico's point about it maybe being too much background, but it was ok for me. It had me interested enough in what may or may not happen that I kept reading.

As for the story vs. tease thing, I don't have a huge preference either way, but it can be easier to read a story as opposed to a tease simply because there are times when we have access to a computer to read but maybe not the privacy to follow the instructions. And teases are generally pretty boring if you aren't following the instructions. I like both.

Another thing that I really liked about it was the way you focused it on the exhibitionism. A lot of the writers here (including myself) tend to try and jam in way too many different things in one tease and it just waters down everything or becomes a confusing mess.

My only real problems (and they are VERY minor nitpicky things) were some of the pictures seemed very old / poor picture quality. That's just my personal taste though since anytime I see pictures from that time period I just think of that part in the movie Step Brothers and start laughing...

"I have porn from the 70's, 80's and 90's. It's like masterbating in a time machine."

But aside from that, it was good. Hope to see more.

str0be

[Vinny Vodka]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I'll try to keep your views in mind when I make future teases, (and there is more on the way), although I am going to do some more in the "illustrated story" style. Actuallly, is there any way to make that a tag? I understand that it isn't everyone's cup of tease, yet others prefer them so I think a tag for that would help a lot. One thing I noticed when I went back and looked over my tease again is that even after having editted the whole thing 3 times, I still had a couple of grammatical errors in there. I guess I'll go back and fix them tonight. Right now, the tease is rating a 3.5 based on 180 votes, which is a lot more than I thought I'd get with my first effort so I'm very pleased with that.

Also, a couple thing I learned that surprised me about making this...
1. I had no idea this site was as popular as it is. I never noticed the "viewed X times" before on teases and thought this was a pretty small group. I certainly didn't think my tease would have over 3000 views 2 days after posting! I confess to kind of rushing the tease a little bit to get it out there, with the idea of maybe doing some cleanup during the first few days on it before it got too many hits, perhaps with some suggestions from the 2 or 3 people that read it and noticed anything that I should probably change. Since teases do get widely read so much more quickly than I'd expected, in the future there will be no more rushing. I'll make sure to get the teaase right, then wait a day or two and look it over again and if I don't find anything I want to change anymore then make it visible.
2. After taking 2 hours to write the story I thought I had the bulk of the work done. As I'm sure many of you learned on your first tease, finding pictures to match the story took quite a bit longer and a lot more effort. Especially since I made the mistake of requiring too specific of images, (which really didn't seem that bad while writing the story). Lessons to be learned from this; First, don't put a woman in two places in your story in the same outfit and Second keep the storyline flexible enough so that if it starts taking too long to find a pic to go with the story you can just edit the story.

@cumhardy If you do photoshop some better ones for me not only would it be easy for me to edit the tease, I'd also be very grateful to you for doing it, (I don't have photoshop software, nor do I know how to use it or anything like it). I believe you know where I got the images for the jogger woman.

[Incubo]

I think anyone who reads my own teases knows, that the story-based teases are my preference as well, so I do like that part of yours. However, I'd like to offer a few suggestions:

1. Something I've noticed, not only from the feedback here, but from feedback on my own....divide the story up a bit more. Telling that much story in a tease is no problem, but I've found people enjoy it more if they're doing something while you're telling them the story. For example: Give them some sort of instruction to do, then tell a little bit of the story, then another instuctions, etc. It seems to prevent people from getting bored or impatient and skipping the story all together. When providing back ground or the "set up" part of the story, this becomes a bit challenging, but take a moment to think about it. If you can reasonably split up the story without ruining it, it'll go over a little better.

2. The photo shopped pictures were pretty distracting, but I understood why you did it. Something that may help in the future is to search for pictures first. Get the basic idea of what you want to do in your head, then surf for pictures that may work. Then you can cater the story to the pictures you have instead of being painted into a corner where you're forced to photo shop something to make it work. That's pretty much the way I do it and I've found it quite a bit less frustrating then spending hours and hours only to find that I can't get a picture that suits my needs. There's still a lot of searching involved, but if the story isn't written yet, you still have some flexibility to make things work.

All in all though, I thought it was a good effort and I look forward to seeing where this story goes.

[Vinny Vodka]

Well, thanks to cumhardy the tease now has pictures of the jogger in the store that don't look quite so much like cardboard cutouts. The second tease in the series is on it's way, and meanwhile I decided to make a tease of a very different style which is now available titled "Sharon's New Photos (aka 5 Good Smacks to the Balls)". I imagine a lot of you have seen it already, but if not go ahead and check it out. I'm planning to use your suggestions and some of what I've learned from making a different style of tease in the continuation of this series and any other teases I may create.

[cactusman]

... I decided to make a tease of a very different style which is now available titled "Sharon's New Photos (aka 5 Good Smacks to the Balls)". I imagine a lot of you have seen it already, but if not go ahead and check it out. I'm planning to use your suggestions and some of what I've learned from making a different style of tease in the continuation of this series and any other teases I may create.

I kind of liked the "Sharon's New Photos" tease. Just wondering, is Sharon played by Shay Lauren?

(And you might see my suggestion http://www.milovana.com/forum/viewtopic ... 924#p61186 to include casting credits on the first page of your webteases, so that these questions don't come up.)