Make us Smile text based

[storydejour]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"

[storydejour]

A pony walks into a bar. The bartender says "Can I help you?"

The pony clears his throat and replies "Yeah, I'm a little hoarse."

[in_need]

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "what is this? some kind of joke?"

[Heathcliff]

Obligatory joke.

Admin Edit: Removed for inappropriate material.

[AngelAnna837]

Obligatory joke.

wrong wrong wrong wrong!!

[Human]

Maybe its just me, but I think child sex act jokes should be banned from Milovana.

[les]

My golden rule:
"it must not harm the children
"or frighten the horses"

So
No child sex
No animal sex

[aimauanca]

A kid on a beach asks his Mum - "how come some of the ladies on the beach fill out their bikini tops much more than others?".
The mother replies - "it's a measure of stupidity - the more they fill out their bikini top, the stupider they are".
Later the kid asks his Dad - "how come some of the men on the beach fill out their swimming trunks much more than others?".
The father replies - "it's a measure of stupidity - the more they fill out their swimming trunks, the stupider they are".
Later the kid calls his Mum - "Hey, I just saw Dad talking to the stupidest woman on the beach, and the more he talks to her, the stupider he gets."

[aimauanca]

A lady on a plane sneezes. Following this she grabs hold of the arm of the guy next to her and shudders for a whole minute.
After she calms down, she apologises to her fellow passenger and explains - "I suffer from this rare syndrome - whenever I sneeze I immediately have an orgasm".
"Wow" says the man "did your doctor give you anything?"
"Yes" she replies "pepper."

[Heathcliff]

Since I've been censored (not complaining, just a statement of fact.)

Here's a link to the dad from full house performing a much longer (and more vulger) version of the joke. (The clip is from a documentary film on the history of the 'obligatory joke')

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HW4mPZmKPM

Viva la free speech.

[Human]

Background of the banned joke:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats_(joke)

While the joke may be in incredibly bad taste in normal circumstances; on a site such as milovana such jokes take on even worse pedo connotations.

Personally, I think the comedians are retarded for viewing this joke as a badge of honor.

[les]

I fail to appreciate this joke,

Other than it appears that the teller is trying to disgust his audience.
My idea of this thread was to inject a little humour as an aside.

If you want sick I can do sick.
What's the worst thing a Pedo wants to hear ? ?


I would much rather make people of all persuasions smile rather than one or two smirk.

[Heathcliff]

Background of the banned joke:
on a site such as milovana such jokes take on even worse pedo connotations.

Which is why I'm not overly concerned about it being removed. Sadly, I hadn't the connotations that posting it on this specific site would suggest.

I have a black sense of humor and sometimes it get's away from me. For that I apologize.

[les]

Lets bring the smiles back



A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.
He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature.
The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.


The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"


Two months later they're in court.
The 'violator' has such a bad driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.
Under cross examination the defence attorney asks;
"Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?"


Officer responds,
"Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."


Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"


"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."


"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"


"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."


"Aggressive and hostile?"


"Yes, Sir?


"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?"


"Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!"

[CheerfullyInsane]

A handful pics......