Okay so I was kind of harsh. I must have been hitting the sauce.
Vulnerable, I don't think it was a horrible tease.
I just think you could have tried harder. If English was your first language I'd still tell you you did a terrible job, but since theirs a language barrier, I can understand the bad grammar.
However,
I think you can improve on some KEY points. Make sure all pictures are around the same size. Small pictures are a real turn off, and pull the reader right out of the false reality of the tease. Also, try to write more per page, and give stroke instructions. One sentence per page isn't fun. You have to keep clicking. No stroke instructions isn't fun, because you never know what you should be doing... And it feels cold without stroke instruction, like the girl isn't really talking to you.
The IDEA for the tease was GREAT, I will agree with all of my milovonian friends.
Just try to stick to the same girl, and if your going to switch girls halfway through, have the first girl introduce you to the second, you cant just switch girls and write as if its the same girl. Thats a HUGE pet peve a lot of us readers have.
So if you want to write good teases, write good teases.
I highly recommend you write some in your native language as well, that'd be great.
But if you write in English, follow the above steps, and try to get someone to proof read.
Have a good one!
