Femdom - A Dommes perspective

[MistressD]

I’ve been thinking of opening this topic for some time and with the increased interest in the chat sessions I thought it was a good time to go ahead. I've really enjoyed this site and thought maybe I could try to give a little back. The specific reason I’ve thought about this forum topic is that I’ve repeatedly heard 3 questions from people on this site:

1) How can I find a Domme?

2) How did you get into Teasing and Domination?

3) Can I show you my webcam and let you watch me play with my cock? (I’m not going to bother addressing this one in detail – the answer is “NO”)

I can only answer these for myself, but the first is in many ways the easiest. Don’t worry about finding a domme. Focus on having a relationship with a woman (or man) and then, when you really know the person, experiment and test the waters with them to find out what you really like. This is also the answer to the second question. My husband and I long ago made a commitment to each other to always discuss fantasies, and where safe to act them out. Several years ago he asked me to try this as more of a regular lifestyle as opposed to just a role-play event. We don’t do it all the time (we both like to switch on occasion) but the majority of the time I am in complete control. But this started 20 years after we first got together. It certainly did not start from day 1, and we only got to this place because we were willing to be open and honest, share with each other and act out each others’ fantasies.

I get asked all the time by Milovana strangers, “Mistress, can you tease me?”

As many of you out there probably know, my answer is usually “What would I get out of that?” At which point the conversation usually devolves into something like, “I REALLY need someone to tease me and train me” And that’s when I tell them that I am now quite certain that I am not interested.

So what might make me (or another human being) pay attention? Well, for starters treat me like you might treat someone you meet in person for the first time. Introduce yourself, ask if it’s alright to talk for a moment, pay me a compliment (especially if you’re aware of some of my antics from forums). And don’t ask two questions then ask me to tease your cock. Try to get to know me and let me get to know you. Would you go into a bar, walk up to a girl that you think is attractive and say, “Please suck my cock right here right now”? If you did, you’d probably get slapped, and if she said yes, you’d probably be best off running away.

Recently I had a private chat that went like this:

New Guy: Hello, can you tease me?

Me: Why would I do that? I don’t even know you.

New Guy: What do you mean?

Me: I want to know someone before I decide if I want to play with them. So why don’t you post about yourself in the chat room, join in the discussions and maybe I’ll get to know you

New Guy: What size are your tits?

And that’s why so many girls decide not to stay in the chat rooms for very long…

So why would you approach me, or any other person on Milovana that way? Why don’t you treat me like a person? Introduce yourself, ask me how I am, tell me something interesting about yourself (if you can't think of anything interesting tell me a joke at least!)

Give me a reason to show an interest in you and at least you have a chance of me spending some time with you. It doesn’t mean I’ll play with you, but at least you get to know a new person a little – isn’t that worth a little effort?

So, I’d like a little feedback on whether my viewpoints are useful to people or not. I was thinking of addressing a new topic every week or so, including things like how to set up a role-play scene, details about my personal domme-style and what I get out of femdom play. I’d also welcome questions that might lead to further posts.

Thanks!

Mistress D

[jimbean485]

Thank you so much, Miss D!

This post will probably spawn many questions for me, but I just wanted to extend my initial gratitude on reading it. This community has been great to me, and this continues to be the case because of wonderful people like yourself.

I can say that for myself I came here looking to find someone who would enjoy teasing and tormenting me as much as I enjoyed receiving it. Through conversations/chats here I have found it much more rewarding to be getting to know the people here as PEOPLE, not sexual objects. There are some really fun people here if you take the time to get to know them a little. The times that conversations have turned sexual and/or playful are that much more arousing and enjoyable because of the fact that I see the woman I'm talking to as a person with her own interests and desires.

Again, my main purpose in replying is to show my supreme gratitude to Miss D (who has always been an absolute peach in chat, though a mischievous one :) ). Just thought I'd share a bit of my personal (and admittedly limited) experience as well.

Cheers,
Jim

[dubble]

Hi Miss D! Cool thread, informative, and (hopefully) very educational to many of us. We can all always learn new things. Thanks for posting. My two cents:

Your viewpoints are very valid and informative, AND a bit shocking (Your chatroom talk w/ 'new guy'). Showing a bit of tact can go a long way. I hope it helps some people to learn, open up and become more involved in the T&D, D/s and bdsm scene as well as being involved more here on Milo. (Seems like many things in life: you get out of it what you put into it.) Many people are scared or think these subjects are still taboo. They need to face the fact that we are ALL wired differently and like different things. It's human nature. They just need to accept that fact about themselves and others. Enjoying things that are/were taboo doesn't make us psychotic killers (as seen in many tv shows where the killers are often bdsm types). We ARE ALL still human and want to be treated as such... with decency and respect (until/unless we are told otherwise!). Now the only reason I MIGHT be slightly more likely to understand any guy to chat like 'new guy' did to You was MAYBE if he was on a Domme paysite... paying by the minute... AND they BOTH know exactly why they were there. Really there's no excuse though! (Dude, if you wanna be teased, go find a pic of a Domme, tease yourself and whack off to Her!) But even on a paysite I imagine it takes time to get to know things about one another.... Tactless, inexperienced and immature I'd say. Wow, I'm appalled and embarrassed for the male species that so many guys approach You to be teased.... (No offense to You Miss D! You have this awesome allure! Or is it the thought of You and LMJ playing...? ). Too bad by this point I've lost probably 80% of male readers, huh?

For years I thought I was an odd one because of my tastes, wants, likes, desires, fantasies. I knew of nobody with similar interests or in any 'kinky' scenes, but I knew inside they were for me. I'm not going to settle for anything less. Some younger, less mature and less experienced people might not understand or believe it. Years ago I was one of them, not really understanding it all (but I can never remember asking a total stranger to tease me). It took years for me to learn, experience, understand, and believe. From my experiences, people with little involvement or experience seem they're really in it all for themselves, living a fantasy scenario of being dominated just to get themselves off. They want that instant gratification. It's selfishness. It doesn't matter with whom they get off, just that someone else is in control. I guess it has the similar allure to a one-night stand... for those that choose to have that type of affair (no, I have not, nor will I ever, thank you.), although even this is not generally one-sided. They don't understand how much better it gets when it becomes personal with someone.

I came upon this site by accident. I don't remember what I was searching for. I think I was really more of a lurker to start, but amazed by all the great things here .... AND they were for free! Then I saw the people here were fun, cool, thoughtful, thought-provoking, and some even wicked! It was/is also a relief to be able to share, explore, and learn.... to just be myself. Taking the time to be involved here has helped me more, opened my eyes wider to understanding and possibilities, explore personal experiences. I hope readers will understand what You're saying, Miss D, and learn from it. This info is priceless and wish I knew/understood this years ago. From my time on this site I'd like to think I've grown and learned. Guys... what Miss D is saying... it's like having the ANSWER to the final exam!! Learn, heed the advice, and reap the rewards (errr, uh, punishments? !! ).

So to find a Domme... no, it's not like going to choose a new car or a loaf of bread. They are not all standing around waiting to tie and tease you or crack Their whips on your lazy ass (you wish!)! Build something of value and it just might come. It takes time and patience.... maybe like being locked in chastity!

So... Miss D... had You ever thought about kinky experiences before meeting bird (Or is it Master Bird? ).... maybe even being a Domme or a tease?

Okay... maybe You might address cuckolding sometime. I have difficulty understanding it since it seems like infidelity/adultery to me. I'm a committed kind of guy and expect my gf/wife to be as well. I know we are all different, but there are some lines I won't cross. In todays world one cannot be safe enough it seems... sexually speaking. So what's the big attraction and what leads to this type of interest in a person? I'm not putting anyone down, I just don't understand it...

Thanks again for Your post and looking forward to more.... Have a great weekend!

[SexualChoc]

I can not even begin to imagine
how many people
ask to be teased when a Dom shows up on chat
even if she (or he) is only there to chat.

I don't have an answer
But I hope it does not keep you away from chat to often.

[MistressD]

I can not even begin to imagine
how many people
ask to be teased when a Dom shows up on chat
even if she (or he) is only there to chat.

I don't have an answer
But I hope it does not keep you away from chat to often.

I have to say that I am a litle surprised at how often it happens also, but I do suspect that it may be worse for me than for many other females on this site. I'm fairly well known as a domme, and one who is approachable and playful at that, so I believe it's a lot easier for boys to ask me such questions.

And I would like to point out that in the majority of cases, I let them know that I won't play with strangers and suggest that they become active in chat or forums. Most will leave me alone then and a few of them actually have become more active. So from that standpoint, some boys actually do learn something.

There's definitely no need to worry about this scaring me off from chat either - I have too much fun to let a couple of guys keep me away. One advantage to being a bit older is that I have plenty of experience in fending off potential suitors. I was hit on by two different guys at the gym just this morning in fact. Maybe I should wear such tight shorts!

Mistress D

PS - Dubble, I'm not a big fan of the reality of cuckoldry either but I think I might be able to shed some light on that, so it's definitely a possible discussion point for the future!

[smallitalian4]

I found this article very refreshing. I don't know when it happened but lately seems like every chat room I go in, rather this site or a different one, all the men treat women like crap. It is actually really annoying to be having a normal conversation and then all of a sudden someone pops in and starts been rude. I for one thank you for this article and hope EVERYONE reads it and learns from it :) Thank you for taking the time to write it MissD

[kinkydomina]

Hello, everyone
I am a lurker on this website myself, and I must admit some of my reasons for doing so are related to what Mistress D described. Therefore, I can totally relate to her thoughts on the matter.
I am here to read about other people's experiences, and I bet I have some interesting stuff to share. I never visited the chathroom of Milovana, I was just on the forum board.
Some guys have attacked me for being mercantile. I provide a service, that some of you get for free, with your wives or girlfriends. Many others do not get it for free, or find it difficult to be open about it to their better halves.
Even though I expect payment for my domination, it does not mean I would instantly start "teasing" a guy. I think domination is not about that.
It is trust and respect.
Regards.
Ms Christine

[teased247]

Great topic Miss D!

It sure would be great if people really understand and get what you are saying here. How lucky we all are to have a resource like you that is willing to give us all advice in these areas that so many of us so deeply crave and desire. Thanks so much for making yourself available to the Milovanians so that we can learn from somebody that not only has experience in this area but has also successfully been able to incorporate this kind of lifestyle into their own marriage .... again something so may of us crave and desire.

So, I’d like a little feedback on whether my viewpoints are useful to people or not. I was thinking of addressing a new topic every week or so, including things like how to set up a role-play scene, details about my personal domme-style and what I get out of femdom play. I’d also welcome questions that might lead to further posts.

I'd have to say yes, your viewpoints are very useful and new weekly topics would be so awesome to be a part of. If I might suggest a topic .... it would be in the lines of what if there were other people like Miss D that were willing to help other couples break into these T and D kind of relationships and experience how wonderful they really are. My wife and I have "broken into" this kind of lifestyle (not full time, but definitely regularly) and we have had a blast learning how to make it work. How great it would be to share and learn new ways to pleasure each other and at the same time pushing and experiencing those fantasy buttons.

It all starts with communication. Thanks again Miss D for starting something that could change the lives of many people that visit Milovana.

brian

[Incubo]

If it helps any Miss D...you're not the only one that is annoyed with that particular "approach."
I've spoken with others who have said the same and it's not restricted to the Dommes either. Even the sub females get this sort of "hello."

I said this somewhere else, but I'll repeat it. I think it's mainly a problem of expectations. Webtease site = chat room tease I guess is what they're thinking or at least it appears to be what many are expecting anyway. I don't really have a solution for that. I wish I did.

Hopefully, this thread will be read and maybe more will start to understand. Teasing and domination isn't something most people are going to do with some random person they know nothing about. Myself included. Popping into a chat room and begging anyone with a pair of tits to control you isn't a very original approach folks. It's been done....millions of times...and I can't recall a single occasion where it actually worked. The only thing it does do is make these women leave. Get to know them first. Afterall, they are real people sitting behind that keyboard. You might be suprised at some of the things you find out. You may find you don't like them, you may find them better than you imagined. You'll never know until you put your dick away and use your brain for a little while. If you just want some random person to tease you.....look on the webteases. That's what they are there for.

[MistressD]

I think I need to clarify something that I brought up in this post...

When I said I want to know someone before I play with them, I don't mean that I want to know their fetishes...

I want to know the person. What do you do? Do you have interests besides sex? Why do you think you are interested in me? If I'm interested, I'll let you know so you don't need to ask me. (On a sidenote, I probably have too many real-life and on-line playmates as it is right now - so I'm not at present looking for more).

Don't worry about the fetishes. If I talked to most boys I could figure those out within a few minutes without even asking about them.

Back to my earlier comment, you wouldn't go up to a girl you just met and say "I'm 22, I like to have my cock sucked everyday". So don't come to me in chat or via PM and say, "I'm 22, I need you to lock me up".

Mistress D

PS - it's very cute that several people greeted me in chat yesterday with PMs saying, "Hello Miss D, how big are your tits?" I should have expected that. *giggles*

[kneeforu]

Great topic MistressD!

[jimbean485]

PS - it's very cute that several people greeted me in chat yesterday with PMs saying, "Hello Miss D, how big are your tits?" I should have expected that. *giggles*

Cheeky bastards! *shakes head, wishing he would have thought of that . . .*

[wanker]

...

and what I get out of femdom play.

...

Mistress D

You have an audience in me there.

[jimbean485]

Second that! (as long as we're voting )

Cheers,
Jim

[MistressD]

Hey Miss D ... I know you've been occupied lately, but I for one would love to see this topic continued ...

If you still wanted to, of course!

Indy

Don't worry! I have every intention of continuing... I was thinking about a discussion of how I like to set up a tease session and what I expect to get from it as well as what I expect my partner(s) to get...