Burnout

[IronRose]

I keep noticing something and I wonder if others here have had the same experience. A lot of people I talk to say they want a long term D/s relationship. Not just a quick session, not a one off playdate, but something that’s meant to last. Yet even when both sides go into it with that “long term” mindset, so many of these relationships seem to burn out faster than expected.

Is this just me, or is it actually a pretty common thing? I sometimes feel like building up a D/s dynamic takes so much effort, patience, and trust, but the whole thing can collapse almost overnight.

Do you think it might be tied to trust issues? Like, maybe people jump into a session more easily because it feels like a shortcut to building trust, but that same speed makes it even easier to lose it?

I’d really love to hear from different perspectives on this. If you’re a Dom, a sub, a switch, or somewhere in between, what do you think is at the core of this burnout?

[kerkersklave]

I guess there are a lot of reasons. Many relationships burn out first of all, it's already hard to find a person you want to spend most of your life with. Lasting relationships need something more then just attraction or kink to keep them alive for a long time. Most relationships are not perfectly aligned sexually, people do not get all the want, sometimes very little of what they want, but other shared interests, goals and connections keep them together.

Kink/D/s relationships are often build on fulfilling this need. So it has to align extremely well to satisfy both sides long term. And if it does not, there might be very little to fall back on. And even if there is, fulfilling that need has very high priority for both sides.

Sessions, even occasional sessions with the same person over a long time, are easier, because you do not have to align your needs perfectly, but just get something out of the session.

[cristovaop]

One thing if the fetish, another thing is real life. Simple as that.

[HereforStim]

a whole lot of people - i would venture "most" people - who seek a professional SW, are doing so without the knowledge of a partner or others who hold a large presence in their daily lives

daily life and fantasy life are not always compatible and often run afoul of each other if boundaries are not maintained or communication in one or both lives is not open

novelty is another thing to consider - for some people the allure and trying out some bdsm and D/s relationships is an itch they get relief from scratching but don't really feel they can commit to a deeper arrangement - it could be the horny takes over in the moments needing rational thinking

it could be that like many relationships the compatibility wanes as time passes. relationships all take work, and if the fantasy relationship starts to take more bandwidth than regular life relationships, we know which one goes out the window

and think about breakups - most breakups are awful and its because people are bad at them. its easier to ghost, or fade

"Tens of thousands of people go skydiving in any given week but a lot fewer of those people skydive every week"