Making myself cry

[bondageslave36]

I'm looking for ideas here. I've always had a fantasy of doing something so humiliating that it makes me cry. I'm not into public humiliation as much, but doing something where I have a chance of someone seeing me is something I find very humiliating (see the example below).

Last night, I performed some instructions that I found online. The Domina who wrote the instructions pretty much explained how vile and disgusting I was, and I should never be allowed to let my dirty cum enter the world, but if I had to do so, this is how it should be done. The instructions continued telling me to find a secluded spot outside where there is a very low chance of being found. Once there, I was to get on my knees and dig a hole that was at least 6 inches deep with my bare hands. Once this was done, I was to pee into the hole and, still on my knees, take my head and force it into that hole with my hand holding my face in the piss. I was obviously allowed to breathe, so, after taking a dip in the piss, my mouth was allowed to go above the surface. I then had to reach back with my other hand as I jerked off while repeating the following phrase out loud: "Thank you Domina Amanda for being so nice to a pathetic piece of shit like me." I had to do this until I came. I was then told to cover my cum with dirt to prevent anybody from ever being exposed to that vile filth and fill the hole back in the the rest of it.

As soon as I put my face in the piss, I felt like crying, but didn't. A couple of times while reciting the phrase, I felt some tears beginning... but it never happened. I wasn't trying to stop them from coming, but the humiliation was just short of going over that edge of crying.

What I am looking for is a way to perform something like this in order to make me cry in the moment... either as I cum or before I cum. Described above is the kind of thing that I love to do, yet hate it while I am in the moment. This private kind of semi-public humiliation that can be performed in my back yard at night is great. I would not be willing to go to a park and do this or perform this during the day or go to the mall afterwards, that's just not something that I would enjoy... it wouldn't make me cry. I just need to take that insane task that I performed and get something a little stricter, a little more humiliating.

I think if I were dressed in panties and heels had to stuff a dildo in my ass and fuck myself before I was allowed to cum, that might have been enough to make me cry beforehand. I kind of hate being outside while doing these things. It has to be dark because I obviously don't want to attract attention, but there is also a slight fear of the dark that comes into play. The humiliation/fear of being outside is what needs to happen. I also think that if I had headphones on the whole time so I couldn't hear what was happening around me might have done it... perhaps listening to mp3's of girls calling me names and telling me what a piece of shit I am.

I am into urine play/anal/verbal humiliation/FEMINIZATION/outside play with the fear of being seen, but only in the dark on my own property (don't want to get arrested)/spanking/slight exercise or physical tasks (like running back and forth between 2 dildos and sucking both of them)/enemas. There is a limit on how much I can do, and I will not follow EVERYTHING i get without modifying it. If you give me an idea, I may make it my own. I won't do something just because it is "too much", only if its a total hard limit set for me.

I know this is a lot to ask, but does anybody have any ideas?

[BrianWantsToCum]

Fill an enema bag with your piss. Save itup for an entire day, get ALOT of piss. Also, remember, once piss is outside the body, it becomes 10x more bitter and disgusting than fresh piss. This stuff will have all day before you're ready for it.

Find a wiffle ball. Practice golf balls work best I think. You may have to use a knife or drill to widen the holes. But make sure that the enema nozzle can fit throught he wiffle ball. Then thread a shoelace through the ball and then tie it off with a cinch knot so it can be tightened. Voila! you have yourself a gag.

The idea is to gag yourself, with the nozzle inserted, and then turn on a very slow drip of stale piss.

You can add whatever else you want. I recommend binding your ankles and wrists together. Inserting a butt plug, blindfolding yourself, and applying a GENEROUS helping of ben gay to your balls just before you lock your wrists into place.

And just for some added humiliation. Go into a gay BDSM chat room and tell everyone what you're about to do. Then open up your webcam for everyone to watch.

[bondageslave36]

I have to admit, your reply got me pretty hard and I might end up using an idea or two from it, I just don't quite find it humiliating enough. I've chugged an entire days worth of my own piss before and its been pretty disgusting. I can't quite see tying myself up with a gag in my mouth just for safety concerns. Especially since I would be consuming something. Now, having to piss into a hole and having to drink it out of the ground might be something to think about. Perhaps putting some bread on the bottom of the hole and having to eat that soak pissed bread right out of there... hmm, something to think about.

I also like the sensory deprivation idea with the blindfold. If I am outside, I just might put some humiliating mp3s on my ipod (or even endless static) and crank it up. I could be totally feminized with my face in a hole filled with piss. I couldn't smell, see or hear. I'd have no idea who was watching or in the area listening. I would do this on the side of my house where I am least likely to be seen, but that is kinda close to a street and some people could be passing by. Perhaps I could put an entire days worth of piss in the hole with a few pieces of bread at the bottom and have to eat it as I fuck myself in the ass, not being allowed to touch myself until its all gone.

Hmm... something to think about.

Thanks for the input, any more would be appreciated.

[bondageslave36]

Yes... I'm a loser who can't get a woman to do that for me. ;)

Reminding myself of that adds to the humiliation. But, if it doesn't work for you... different strokes for different folks I guess.

Keep the ideas coming please!

[bondageslave36]

I have something planned for tonight... possibly. So, if you would like to add any ideas, get them in quickly;)

[huang]

OMG I would really rather have someone dominating me then to do self bondage :/

But nevertheless pretty cool ideas there

[Kenneth]

OMG I would really rather have someone dominating me then to do self bondage :/

But nevertheless pretty cool ideas there

I think nearly every one would prefer someone dominating him/her; but it's not easy finding the right Domme in real life. At least I haven't been so lucky so far. Luckily I have a good online Domme.

I imagined digging the hole, I think I'd feel very *dirty* myself too

[Lindsey]

I think nearly every one would prefer someone dominating him/her;

;) Spoken like a true submissive.

Though, i'm sure you can see the allure of being on the other side of things. I love being just innocent enough where I make a connection with a guy, and just devious enough to pique his curiosity and make him a little apprehensive, a little nervous... asking him probing questions and compiling little bits of information about what turns him on, then describing it to him in explicit detail to make him want it even more. Paying attention to what subtle details he swoons over. Taking careful calculated stabs at him with those things again and again until he's pretty much surrendered any amount of composure he may have had and accepted that i've turned his desires into something that takes over any rational thought he used to be capable of.

I think what gets to me most is the idea of an orgasm. No guy can resist the allure of being given an orgasm by a girl he wants. The desire for it is so relentless and intense, all I have to do is put the idea in his head and it becomes so powerful he'll do almost anything to feel it. I love the moment when a guy cums, and he's so overcome with sensation that he can't even keep his eyes open, or pay attention to anything around him. Observing that level of vulnerability, where I have complete control over that amount of pleasure, and I get to sit back and examine every muscle twitch and noise he makes...things he's not even aware he's doing, knowing i'm the one that released all that tension I built up and allowed it...well, hopefully you can see the appeal in that. ;)

Being on the submissive side of things can be a huge turn-on. But I usually prefer subtly getting inside his head and picking apart his thoughts and desires with the utmost care. Making myself into something he's completely enthralled with, and terrified of, both at the same time. I love making a guy feel safe, and cared for, and understood. Then taking the understood part, and making him wonder if that might be used to torment him instead. ;)

Anyways, enough about that.

-L

[georgecuck]

Lindsey, your posts never fail to amaze.

Someone should collect them all and publish them. That would be a book that I would like to read

[slave alexander]

Being on the submissive side of things is a real turn on, especially when there are posts like this to read.
Woe its an honour to get a brief glimpse into your mind Miss Lindsey thanks for sharing (although you weren`t really talking to me i couldn`t resist but to reply )

Thanks again
and good luck with playing out some of the ideas in this thread bondageslave36

[green]

I agree .
How do you get such words out of your keyboard ?

I'd like to comment on your post now, but my mind is probably overwhelmed by the scenerie you created :).

Someone should collect them all and publish them. That would be a book that I would like to read

=) Or Lindsey would write her own book : 'D.

-green-

[bondageslave36]

Thanks for the replies guys. I actually attempted doing something the other night that I hoped would be extreme enough to make myself totally break down, but it didn't happen. I am unsure of how much more extreme I can get with myself without putting my life in danger (something I am not willing to do).

Here is what happened:

I stroked myself silly and wouldn't allow myself any release off and on for about 2 hours. During this time, I forced myself to drink over a liter of water. Of course, I wasn't allowed to pee. During this time, I went onto omegle (chat with a random person) and waited until I found a girl who was of legal age. Her name was Sandra and she was 22 years old. I told her I was playing the lottery and needed a 2 digit number from her. She said "19." I thanked her and disconnected. I'll explain the point of this later. I then gathered my iPod, headphones, 2 slices of bread with some ice-cream sprinkles crushed into them and a banana and set them by the door. I went upstairs and got out my pink thong, pink skirt, pink bra, buttplug, and a large dildo. I inserted the buttplug and put the thong on overtop of it to keep it into place. I put the skirt on (it is extremely short) and also put the bra on. I then put lipstick on my lips and wrote "SLUT" across my face with it. I tied my balls up, nice and tight, with a shoestring. I put the rest of my dildos into the shower and left the bathroom light on, waiting for me.

I went outside with the items I listed above and noticed my neighbors were having a party in their back yard. There are some really tall bushes that block any line of sight between their back yard and my side yard though. So, I continued into the side yard and kneeled. I heard a door slam and noticed people were beginning to leave the party next door. They were about 15 feet from me on the other side of the bushes, so I paused for a second, but knew I had to go on with my tasks. Even though, anybody leaving the party on foot might be able to see or hear me doing my tasks. Most people wouldn't be able to hear me if I kept quiet. Just like the other night, I began to dig a hole with my bare hands. I made myself do it until I felt it was at least 6 inches deep. I then put the two slices of bread into the hole, lifted my skirt and took my tied up balls from beneath the panties. I then punched myself 19 times, saying, "thank you, Princess Sandra, for being so nice to a disgusting piece of shit like me," after each punch. Once I did this 19 times, I leaned over the hole and relieved myself into it, soaking the two slices of bread. The iPod was already in my skirt pocket and I put my headphones on. These headphones will pretty much isolate any outside sounds, so I was pretty much deaf, even without anything playing. I had an Isabella Valentine mp3 queued up, and I pressed play. The mp3 was from her "Laundry" series and was entitled "Lint Trap". It is pretty much an EXTREMELY degrading 25 minute mindfuck that makes fun of you for just about anything it possible can. It calls you a loser over and over again, and pretty much explains every reason why. (Didn't mean to put a plug in for her, but I felt I had to explain it.)

So, there I was, outside, kneeling in total darkness with this mp3 blaring in my ears wearing a skirt, bra and pink thong with a buttplug stuffed into my ass. I was about to stuff my face into a piss filled hole, something that I really didn't want to do. I attempted bending over a few times, each time getting closer and closer to the piss. Then, like it was possessed, my right hand just grabbed the back of my head and forced my head into the earth. As soon at my face touched the piss, the thought crossed my mind that I didn't really want to be doing this. I hated having my face here. I was then reminded by the mp3 that I was listening to that I was nothing but an annoying loser and didn't deserve anything. So, I kept my face in the hole and continued with the tasks I had given myself.

I pulled my skirt up in the back and pulled the thong down as far as it would go. I removed the buttplug and placed it on the grass beside me. I then peeled the banana back and broke half of it off. I inserted that half into my asshole, and used the large dildo as a ramrod to stuff it deep inside of me. I did the same with the other half of the banana, then rested the peel on the back of my head. Other than being able to feel the cool breeze float around my body, all of my senses were completely deprived. I couldn't hear anything that was going on around me and I certainly couldn't see anything. Any attempt to open my eyes would have resulted in an eye full of my own piss. I wanted to look up so badly. I just knew that there was somebody standing there in my lawn watching me, either laughing at me or disgusted and yelling for their friends. I wasn't allowed to lift my face or remove the headphones until I completed the next task. I knew what I had to do now. I had to fuck myself with the dildo as I opened my mouth and consumed all of the bread that my lips could find. I took a deep breath and began to bob for some bread. I got a mouth full of it, but it was so soggy, it began to fall apart right away. I had to keep searching with my lips and tongue, getting all kinds of dirt, rocks, roots, grass and bugs into my mouth. Every once in a while, I would bite down on something small and crunchy. I was never quite sure if it was one of the ice cream sprinkles or something from the earth. To say it was disgusting was an understatement. I kept thinking to myself how humiliating it would be if I were to pull my head out of this hole and see 10 people standing around me with looks of disgust on their face. I pictured what that would be like in my mind. At one point, my mind entered a state where I completely forgot I was outside. The pure thrill of getting fucked in the ass with the dildo while being forced to eat the disgusting bread and being completely humiliated was such mental overload, I felt as if I was floating through space somewhere, with nobody around for miles. A cool breeze blowing over my exposed ass quickly reminded me what was actually happening. I eventually ate all of the bread that I could possibly find. I removed the dildo from my ass and put the buttplug back in. I pulled the thong up and put my skirt back down. I took a deep breath, in hopes that nobody saw this disgusting act and removed the headphones as I took my head out of the hole. My eyes attempted to focus... darkness. Nothing but darkness. A couple of crickets and animal sounds in the distance was all that I heard. I was so relieved. I continued with what I was supposed to be doing, mad at myself that I hadn't cried yet. I filled the hole back in with the dirt, gathered everything that I brought outside with me, and entered my house.

I went directly into my shower, hoping I wasn't tracking dirt all over my house. I sat down in the stall, dirty and disgusted and I removed the buttplug and allowed myself to release the banana, which was now pretty much a mush mixed with all kinds of shit. I forced my head down and made myself eat it. I left the last mouthful in my mouth, and didn't let myself swallow it for some time. I forced my giant dildo into my ass. It always hurts the first time it is inserted. I told myself that I wasn't allowed to remove this dildo or open my eyes until I cried. I slapped myself across the face and in the balls multiple times and sat there for what was probably 20 minutes. The water wasn't on, so it was safe to bring my iPod with me. I then put the iPod back on and forced myself to listen to the Lint Trap mp3 all the way through, twice (50 minutes total). I got through that and felt dirty and humiliated, but I still was nowhere close to crying.

...so I pretty much gave up. I'm beginning to think this is an impossible feat. The thing that is going to make me cry is obviously going to be an emotional thing, as I've done some pretty extreme physical stuff and it doesn't seem to get me to that point. Hopefully, I don't have to give up on this venture any time soon. Any input, comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[green]

WoaW !.

That was certainly pretty degrading . Though its nothing I'd ever want to experience ;).

If you still want it to be more extreme and emotianlly, the next step would probably be to find a pay domme near you. I dont think you can get much further with "self-humiliation".

Good luck.

-green-

[bondageslave36]

I'm not really looking to pay a domme, that's why I'm looking for suggestions here. Looks like everybody else is out of ideas, eh?

[Makarov]

Spank yourself with one hand while cutting an onion with the other.
Think of something really sad. Reaaallly sad. Like, sadder than taking old yeller out back.
Pull out the inidividual genital hairs. One by one. While watching A Walk to Remember. Or the Notebook.