Tease Toy Orientation 1 of 6: The Contract

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hj9k1
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Re: Tease Toy Orientation 1 of 6: The Contract

Post by hj9k1 »

subzerowriter wrote: Sat Nov 28, 2020 5:31 am To be continued soon...

If you made it to the end and like what you read, please let me know! Again, knowing that people are enjoying this stuff is a big motivator in writing, and I’m always interested in constructive feedback. Thanks for reading! The next chapter will be coming soon (unlike poor Dan!)
This is great, I love it! :blush: :w00t:


Some feedback on the writing:
Spoiler: show
Overall VERY well written!

Here are some small things I ran into:

Names:
The name "Sarah" appears at one point in the story, as I understand that is a previous name for "Cindi"?

Who is "Krista", is that Destiny? I'm guessing a draft name left behind, because it's a name that suddenly shows up and then never returns?

Some of the names seem to vary for no reason: "Lexie" vs "Lexi" and "Trixie" vs "Trixi". For these, it's not at all unclear who is who, but I still found it slightly distracting while reading as it's just spelling variations.
Dan vs Daniel serves a purpose, Lexi vs Lexie does not seem to serve any purpose (but it makes me start to wonder whether I'm just imagining that it was spelled differently a moment ago).


Typos:
"he felt her nipple at the lobe of his ear, tugging at it playfully with her teeth" surely should be "nibble"?

"ear cannel" should be "ear canal"

"bulling" should be "bullying"
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KittyZateez
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Re: Tease Toy Orientation 1 of 6: The Contract

Post by KittyZateez »

Giggling to myself after reading hj9k1's feedback...

I'm afraid I must confess to having some small influence over subzerowriter's story in this case. I am to blame for some of the name changes, I proposed some alternate spellings for the girl character's names, perhaps a larger change for one or two of them as well, but it seems he may have missed a few of them in his edits. And for some reason he was more than happy to oblige me, although for the life of me I can't seem to figure out why...

In any case, for those of you who have read this story, our new friend subzero does have more chapters coming, and to let you all in on a little secret, he and I are currently working on a spinoff story to his work, very much in the vein of my KCTC (Kitty's CockTease Club) erotic fantasy stories. It may even have a character directly from some of my KCTC work!

Anyway, I wanted to acknowledge subz's work again and warmly thank him for his efforts. There may even be other forms of mutual appreciation going on behind closed doors between us, but who knows...a girl never kisses and tells!

Take care boys, and stick around, there's more Tease Toy Orientation stuff coming and a new storyline from the both of us in the works as well!

Kitty :love: :love: :love:

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hj9k1
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Re: Tease Toy Orientation 1 of 6: The Contract

Post by hj9k1 »

Cool, looking forward to seeing more of this, as well as your collaboration!

The name changes seem good to me as well, there were just some inconsistencies introduced in the process.
If you are fixing that, that sounds great to me!

subzerowriter wrote: Tue Dec 01, 2020 7:21 am sometimes when Miss Kitty and I are talking I have a hard time focusing and keeping a clear head.
Uhuh :lol:
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Re: Tease Toy Orientation 1 of 6: The Contract

Post by derickbadman »

Hi,

i had some time on the weekend and today (at work) to read through Tease Toy Orientation 1-3. I have to say that i was really blown away. I had a throbbing hard cock all the way from the beginning to the end of the stories. It was so nicely and visually written, that even though some words were new to me (not my mother tongue), i did understand everything. Sometimes it felt like the reader gets put in the same predicament as Dan :-D .
Really loved it. Can´t wait for the next part.
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Re: Tease Toy Orientation 1 of 6: The Contract

Post by Milov08 »

Hi everyone!

I dont usually participate in chats but this time totally deserve it. I read the 'Tease Club' 2 days ago and was really inmersive. I love the plot, and where the story is going with this first chapter of the new series. Please go on with more, your work is awesome! ^^

I love the idea of putting in place a "jerk" like Dan and how Cindi control his live now. Eager to reaa more of this.
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