Doms, Dommes, Subbies,

[dailynap]

Hi,
Long time no see.

This is gonna be a bit of an essay so I dunno if it will be of interest to anyone else here, but I just felt like putting this here
Kinda just wanna know your opinion. All for my own personal research.


Hi, it's me, Nap

I was just thinking about the usual relationships between, doms, dommes and subs.
I feel that recently there have been mostly hardcore people about the kink. It might be just development of the kink further or maybe the old doms and slaves got bored with the mild stuff and can't really go back to what they liked back then, the soft stuff and so.. It kinda just feels.. forced so to say.
Or maybe it's just me being way too picky about doms and subs as well.
For me when I look for a dom or domme... or sub, I want a lasting friendship(?) or relationship with.. the benefits of domiation and submission. Especially if they gentle and caring. (But I think that's just preference, some like it hard and uncaring idk.)

In the "Looking for dom/sub" thread, all the relationships and posts seem rather one-sided. It feels like "Hey I wanna be a slave please, enslave me." If I were a dom I would probably just go over those posts and probably just ignore them.

I know I might sound like an ass when I say that, I understand. But this relationship has to have some chemistry in it as well. Just like love. In love I wouldn't go with just somebody but THE somebody. Same goes with dom(me)s, I want to have one and only I'd commit myself to.
In fact, I think it could even replace love if it was that type of relationship.
Must be nice to have somebody like that, I suppose.


But it might just be me, I guess some just really like hardcore stuff after all anyway.


Thank you for reading, much love and happy kinking.

[Augustulus]

Hi, it's me, Nap

I was just thinking about the usual relationships between, doms, dommes and subs.
I feel that recently there have been mostly hardcore people about the kink. It might be just development of the kink further or maybe the old doms and slaves got bored with the mild stuff and can't really go back to what they liked back then, the soft stuff and so.. It kinda just feels.. forced so to say.
Or maybe it's just me being way too picky about doms and subs as well.
For me when I look for a dom or domme... or sub, I want a lasting friendship(?) or relationship with.. the benefits of domiation and submission. Especially if they gentle and caring. (But I think that's just preference, some like it hard and uncaring idk.)

In the "Looking for dom/sub" thread, all the relationships and posts seem rather one-sided. It feels like "Hey I wanna be a slave please, enslave me." If I were a dom I would probably just go over those posts and probably just ignore them.

I know I might sound like an ass when I say that, I understand. But this relationship has to have some chemistry in it as well. Just like love. In love I wouldn't go with just somebody but THE somebody. Same goes with dom(me)s, I want to have one and only I'd commit myself to.
In fact, I think it could even replace love if it was that type of relationship.
Must be nice to have somebody like that, I suppose.


But it might just be me, I guess some just really like hardcore stuff after all anyway.

Hey

That's really an interesting topic.
First of all: How do you define hardcore? I think that is heavily subjective to each individual and whatever topic it is at the moment that you consider hardcore, I would say that it's only a temporary phase. In my opinion there was a phase where the chastity fetish was hyped pretty much a couple of years ago that has now somewhat changed into interracial fetish (considering the websites I visit regularly).
I go along with your opinion on gentle and caring relationships between dom/domme and sub, but I think you have to differ between people like you that really want a stable relationship may it in real live or online-only and people that want to try out a fantasy online. Many people want to stay anonymously online and it is extremely hard to develop a good relationship in complete anonymity. I think a lot of those people want only a fast adventure and not a long relationship, therefore it might be better to start more "hardcore", because it will only be a session or two. So the action/fantasy is more important than the other partner(especially if you're a sub).
From my experience I would also go over those "simple" requests for slavery and I really don't think that these threads are a good way to get in contact with dominant people. Especially online it is extremely important to be as precise as possible with your likes and limits since the "chemistry" can't be there if you only communicate with messages. Both dom/domme and sub have to stick to these likes and limits more carefully to get a good relationship going. So, no, I don't think you're an ass, instead I would say that you have just enough experience to select people that would fit in your lifestyle from people that might be a waste of time, because they value different aspects of the relationship more.

Hopefully this helps you to some degree,
Augustulus

[dailynap]

Hey

That's really an interesting topic.
First of all: How do you define hardcore? I think that is heavily subjective to each individual and whatever topic it is at the moment that you consider hardcore, I would say that it's only a temporary phase. In my opinion there was a phase where the chastity fetish was hyped pretty much a couple of years ago that has now somewhat changed into interracial fetish (considering the websites I visit regularly).
I go along with your opinion on gentle and caring relationships between dom/domme and sub, but I think you have to differ between people like you that really want a stable relationship may it in real live or online-only and people that want to try out a fantasy online. Many people want to stay anonymously online and it is extremely hard to develop a good relationship in complete anonymity. I think a lot of those people want only a fast adventure and not a long relationship, therefore it might be better to start more "hardcore", because it will only be a session or two. So the action/fantasy is more important than the other partner(especially if you're a sub).
From my experience I would also go over those "simple" requests for slavery and I really don't think that these threads are a good way to get in contact with dominant people. Especially online it is extremely important to be as precise as possible with your likes and limits since the "chemistry" can't be there if you only communicate with messages. Both dom/domme and sub have to stick to these likes and limits more carefully to get a good relationship going. So, no, I don't think you're an ass, instead I would say that you have just enough experience to select people that would fit in your lifestyle from people that might be a waste of time, because they value different aspects of the relationship more.

Hopefully this helps you to some degree,
Augustulus

Yo, yo
Thanks for your contribution


I suppose I am just quite picky about this stuff. And I think you are right in the "hardcore" stuff, I can see the appeal in short term stuff as a "Try if it suits you" type of deal. Plus it's extremely subjective as you said. And yeah, all the chemistry that is in a real relationship is basically gone through messages. Long term stuff is kinda hard to keep up, I think and perfection doesn't really exist. As I said once already, guess I am just a tad bit too picky. Or maybe a little soft. Or maybe my fantasy is having that one person, idk. We will see what pops up in the near future with this thread. It helps me sort out my.... chaotic thoughts.
Maybe I'll found somebody nice too, lol.

(Holy fuck, I love forums for this reason.)

zzzz,
nap

[Vennyo]

Hello

You are definitely not an ass for feeling that way, and your feelings are absolutely valide, but i think you might be looking in the wrong place.
I completely agree with you that a dom/sub or switch relationship should work the same way as any other realtionship does (having THE one as you put it).
Because at the end of the day bdsm is just the kinky stuff you do in the bedroom and the rest is just "normal" couple stuff (unless you go reaaaaly extreme ) its just regular old love but with some whipping
I also dont think that you are 'soft' or 'too picky', but maybe you are just looking for the right thing in the wrong place?
As Augustulus said, most people on this site just want to experiment and have some quick 'sessions'.
Maybe i am just not familiar enough with this site, but this is not a dating app and i dont believe that it can be used as such.
This seems to be mainly a place to find and create webteases and talk with people about kinks and such.
So naturaly people who are 'searching for doms, dommes and subbs' are mostly interested in what i would describe as private webteases.
There is nothing wrong with that! I have done that myself on here and i feel like that is what this site is for. "The explorers at heart" its a site to explore and experiment with your fetishes.
But there is nothing wrong with what you want either! I just dont think this is a good website to find it.
But maybe i am wrong, i have not been to every part of the forums. And you can form a real connection over the internet, its just much harder.

I hope i did not repeat too much of what was already said and i could get across what i wanted to say

[dailynap]

Thank you very much for helping me sort this stuff out.
You guys are awesome!

[vanCoochee]

This thread is really nice

the "chemistry" can't be there if you only communicate with messages.

You won't get the fullness of in-person contatct—still i object: a great novel can kindle satisfying emotions, so why not a live chat with a real human being?

Both dom/domme and sub have to stick to these likes and limits more carefully to get a good relationship going.

there is always room to bend limits and part of exploring in kink is overcoming reservations, reaching new places. respecting each other, tolerance enables both parties to introduce real desires, which can be liberating and satisfying.

having THE one

How about perceivig this digital domination as experimentation—not expect anything serious (at first) might be fruitful (the rrRipe gRape apey kinda way >rolleyes_< ;) at last.

---

Going to the "Looking for a dom domme sub" thread i too sought more than "i want you to order me to do these exact things, bye": I want there to be a gripping dynamic and feelings and honest attraction, coming to like and understand each other. I want to sense someone caring about me and enjoying herself through my submission.
Two recent posts let on such a spirit:
an explorer seeking a private slave
an authentic domme recruiting a loyal sub

As for the hardcore kinky stuff: I took extreme routes (humiliation, censoring, rejection), had good times (it provides interesting stimuli), but can report to you that that doesn't warm my heart like gentle and caring domination in the "vanilla" kinky way.
that is to say you can dive right into the hardcore abyss of pornosexuality without degenerating, and have a healthy libido nonetheless. so experiment **whisphers** with a double h because it feels right and let me know what you find


P.S.: there's a "hardcore" event coming up that might offer some insight into "pornosexuality": Pump Fest

[Augustulus]

You won't get the fullness of in-person contatct—still i object: a great novel can kindle satisfying emotions, so why not a live chat with a real human being?

You're definitely correct on this, the only drawback I see is, that there are only a few people willing to leave their anonymity and participate in a live chat. Reaching the level of trust to participate in live chats does take time and I don't think that a lot of subs want to spend a lot of time here. That's my experience from the last years.
And yes I have met people here which I would trust enough to meet in a live chat and that was not achieved with only a single line like I'm looking for a domme, please, I'll do anything. in the beginning.

How about perceivig this digital domination as experimentation—not expect anything serious (at first) might be fruitful (the rrRipe gRape apey kinda way >rolleyes_< ;) at last.

Sure, it's always best to start without expectations, sometimes something big arises if you don't force anything .

Going to the "Looking for a dom domme sub" thread i too sought more than "i want you to order me to do these exact things, bye": I want there to be a gripping dynamic and feelings and honest attraction, coming to like and understand each other. I want to sense someone caring about me and enjoying herself through my submission.
Two recent posts let on such a spirit:
an explorer seeking a private slave
an authentic domme recruiting a loyal sub

Yeah, these are exactly the type of posts that are practical and they are both from dominant people looking for subs not the other way around. We talked mostly about the big pile of simple requests for a dom/domme without giving any other information. Sorry, if this was unclear in my post.

Augustulus

[dailynap]

I am glad this struck up a debate, I really like when people share their opinion on such objects.
It makes for a far more open community and therefore far more personal and interesting, if you get me.

This thread is really nice

P.S.: there's a "hardcore" event coming up that might offer some insight into "pornosexuality": Pump Fest

Also, thank you very much.
Though I think I will reject that invitation! Sounds real scary you know.

But yeah those posts were from real dominant people wanting real good slaves. I am glad those people exist, because they make the trade look less like... random sexual relief but more of a relation seeking with benefits.

FOR SLAANESH.
lol

[Vennyo]

Yeah, these are exactly the type of posts that are practical and they are both from dominant people looking for subs not the other way around. We talked mostly about the big pile of simple requests for a dom/domme without giving any other information. Sorry, if this was unclear in my post.

Oh yes, that is another thing that i did not touch upon in my post:
Whatever your intensions are, i think it would be a good idea to state them more clearly.
Too many are just "dominate me pls!" without any real context.
Are you looking for something longer/intimate or just a few quick teases? What kind of kinks do you want to explore etc.
I guess you can talk about the detail via DMs, but i dont know how many of those you´ll gets by being so vague
Then again, i never tried to get a Dom/Sub on there so i cant realy talk on how effective that forum is in generall

@dailynap:
I dont know how well you can compare this website to 'the trade' as a whole, but i realy get what you are meaning!
Posts like that are alot more in the spirit of what you are seeking.
And yes, praise Slaanesh all the way!

[dailynap]

@dailynap:
I dont know how well you can compare this website to 'the trade' as a whole, but i realy get what you are meaning!
Posts like that are alot more in the spirit of what you are seeking.
And yes, praise Slaanesh all the way!

AH I SEE
A man of culture as well.

[vanCoochee]

I just read the end of chapter 2 of Birching Miss Birch and saw why the el cheapo force me to do what i like requests are posted: The mere knowledge that someone orders you around enhances your experience.

That doesn't excuse the half-assyness though of course, and i think what they didn't think about is the domme: How do they feel about them as their sub? They don't care about the domme, yet that alone—putting the domme's needs and whims before your own—is rewarding for authentic subs.
Maybe the careless never thought of that: For you or Fill the role i already created for you.
Maybe they see it as a meantime pastime activity, rather than something that can be nourished and developed.
I'm not sure there are dommes who like that—at least there seem to be none of them posting there.
I only found this Hi, PM me, bye which may be a domme who is wants to formulate terms together with her sub.

[dailynap]

I was never really.. able to express myself about this type of stuff, especially since I am and always was.. quite inexperienced with this weird and kinky stuff..
But I am quite curious about stuff, since my mind got even dirtier than ever before. Thoooo.. I still feel rather pure compared to.. many others here.

no offence.

[Drool]

I still feel rather pure compared to.. many others here.

Thanks for giving me such a good laugh. I'm off for the Pumpfest

[Vennyo]

I was never really.. able to express myself about this type of stuff, especially since I am and always was.. quite inexperienced with this weird and kinky stuff..
But I am quite curious about stuff, since my mind got even dirtier than ever before. Thoooo.. I still feel rather pure compared to.. many others here.

no offence.

Listen, inexperience can be fixed...
But in all honesty, it is absolutely fine to be a "lightweight" when it comes to this kind of stuff.
It is supposed to be some kinky fun, not a competition (even if some people make it into that )
And at the end of the day a good domme keeps the limits of her sub in mind.
Or better yet, you find a dominant partner that is also a "lightweight"
And then you can see how far you are willing to go in a comfortable environment.