An Interesting Dilemma

[subm_1280]

Hey A/all,

It's been 1.5 years since I have logged onto this site. That's a pretty darn long time. I'm amazed that my account still exists. Good job, Team Milovana!

I remember back then, I just dreamt about being controlled by a dominant female. Now, I'm not sure if that was a fantasy or if it was something I would enjoy in reality, but things have started to get pretty tricky recently.

I have a girlfriend of almost a year and we have a lot of intimate fun. However, for the past couple of weeks, I felt this intense desire for her to dominate me. So I tried submitting to her by giving her multiple orgasms every night and discouraging her from pleasing me. Oh and not to mention doing the chores and giving her foot massages However, that strategy has backfired on me and she has been extremely nice to me, both in and out of bed. As a result, I feel unsatisfied even after release and I have succumbed to temptation. I have been fooling around with Amy (great tease, chewit) and two nights ago, I was thinking about Little Miss Jay when my girlfriend was giving me a handjob. And I guess the extremely weird thing was that I only started to enjoy the handjob after thinking about Little Miss Jay and her flash tease.

Well, I guess the real question here is, where does one go from here? Come clean? Or stay in the shadows..? We love each other like crazy and I don't want to mess this up. And who else to turn to but the experienced folks here..?

[KinkyJack]

Personally, i think you can introduce the very vanilla parts of it into normal sex.

If she gives you oral or hand relief, you can ask her to stop as you're going to edge and tell her that you'd like her to keep you on the edge because it feels that damn good.

You'll have to bottom from the top, but in a few handjobs you can by saying stop, get her to tease you and see whether she gets off on not letting you cum as a marker for whether she would be open to more intense play.

On a different note, you're location is set to Asia.. I'm going to be slightly ignorant and please forgive me if i offend anyone, this question isnt meant as sexist in any way but i wanted to ask... Is the traditional view of women in a relationship in your part of Asia one which is more 'old worldly'? If so, she might not feel empowered to take the control in your relationship like you would want and that may take more time to overcome.

[boobness]

If you're serious about the relationship you have to be honest with her about your sexual fantasies. If this is how you feel after one year, you can just imagine how you would feel after five or ten years. Introduce the idea slowly though, going straight to 24/7 sub i think would be too fast for most people.

PS. I'd leave out the fact that you were fantasizing about Little Miss Jay while receiving a handjob.

[Little Miss Jay]

Hi guys,

Because i am mentioned i thought I'd give my view. I agree with Boobness (Obviously about leaving me out too) I think you need to be honest, obviously its going to be hard for her as she hasn't actually done anything wrong she is being nice because you're being so nice to her...
Try not to bombard her with information or books... Just talk to her
Remember its not going to happen overnight and its not going to happen at all if you don't tell her how you feel. It seems as though you really care for her if you are posting this message!

I've posted this link before but it might help?

http://www.aroundherfinger.com/index.html

Letters section (Where girls and girls write in with questions/problems)- http://aroundherfinger.blogspot.com/

Might be worth a go...?

Good luck!

Little Miss Jay x

[Jaberwocky]

tried submitting to her
You tried to be nice to her => she tried to be nice to you

How to bring this subject up is the most difficult part.

If your girlfriend tries to return the favor:
You don't have to do... 'something she does'. I really like /(love) pleasing you. But when you right away return the favor, it feels less as if I do this because I truly want to please you, but more because I want something from you.
Do not be afraid to just tell her that you really don't want her to return the favor, because of the above reason. That way, you might partly take away the regret she feels when you do something for her and she does nothing in return, both in as out of bed.

From there, it is a smaller step in explaining that you would 'like' it if your girlfriend slowly does less chores, or let you orgasm less in bed. The comment of KinkyJack, telling her how wonderfull it feels to ride the edge and be aroused all the time, could help.

Also be understanding. It might take some time for your girlfriend to adjust to this idea. It is not just a switch in her head that has to alter, but a complete think pattern. And in worst case, it could be that you are not the only one with submissive tendencies in your relationship.

I hope you can use this either as a first step in a long process, or to open up a dialog where you can explain to your girlfriend what you really like all in once.

I hope this information is helpfull. Please let us know how things work out.

[subm_1280]

Well, first of all, thanks to all of Y/you who posted.

I managed to sneak a peek into this forum before we just had a bit of fun in bed. I kinda went with KinkyJack's idea of telling her how I enjoy being teased but she just didn't buy it, IMO.

And I guess I did not mention something in my previous post. I do sense a bit of submissive-ness in her. Every once in a while, I'll be her Master and she my slavegirl, which she really enjoys. And I thought by having such roles introduced in our sexual relationship, I would lose my submissive side but it seems like as if that too, has backfired. My desire to submit has surfaced and I have been visiting milovana frequently and obeying the orders of other women. However, I'm really not too sure, as a Dom, we don't really go into anything beyond verbal play, so it could be that she just enjoys the roleplaying.

Anyway, I thought I'd share what happened this morning. So, still sticking with my be nice strategy (I actually do really enjoy doing chores for her and I'm pretty sure it's not for my own sexual fantasies. It just feels good to see her relaxed.), I made her pancakes for breakfast and scrubbed the floor. And we haven't had any fun in bed for a long time, so.. well yeah, the clothes went off and I licked her to three orgasms. Expectedly, she wanted to reciprocate and started to give me a blowjob. I tried to talk to her about teasing me but she just didn't buy the idea that being teased could be more enjoyable than cumming for me. So, I kinda sensed that she didn't really want to dominate me and felt rather turned off. I tried desperately to cum for her still but the fact that my submissive desires were not being fulfilled made it hard to be horny. Eventually, I told her that I'm too tired and we took a nap.

While the idea of her having three orgasms and none for myself made me horny when I got up, I know that she still doesn't like the idea of denying my orgasms or teasing. There is this side of me that feels that she does not enjoy being dominant. I really feel like coming clean especially since I feel so guilty about giving myself a few good hard strokes to the commands of other women (and ESPECIALLY, thinking about Little Miss Jay the other day, which I am so ashamed of) but it just feels like telling her my deep dark fantasies is going to ruin the whole relationship.

KinkyJack - I would say that the societal norm in Asia is to have the male as the head of the household and hence, the male carries that control to the bedroom. However, I am in the US right now and it's an Asian - Asian American relationship. So I think it is going to be tricky.

Boobness - I think what you said about 1 year and 10 years made a lot of sense. 10 years later, if left unsatisfied, my submissive side will probably be amplified and that'll ruin the relationship for sure. I'm leaning towards coming clean but it does not feel it is going to work out anytime soon.

Little Miss Jay - I am glad you didn't find me a freak when I said I was thinking about you during a handjob my girlfriend gave me. I am deeply embarrassed. Well, I've browsed through that website and I'll definitely consider posting in the blog. Thanks for the links!

Jaberwocky - I like your ideas on what to say but I'll definitely want to say it my way just for originality's sake. Sadly, as time goes on, the more I feel that the worst case scenario is occurring.

I'll keep everyone posted! And sorry for this massively long message of my not-so-interesting life. I really appreciate all the valuable input!

[Jaberwocky]

And sorry for this massively long message of my not-so-interesting life.

Your problem is something that a lot of people visiting Milovana at some point come across. Thus your "massively long message" is appriciated.

[KinkyJack]

That and its a forum where everyone wants to help one another.