Hello

[mpmp]

Hello all.

I've been on this site for a while now but not been to vocal.

I now want to get to know more like minded people as I have a very high and very kinky sex drive but my everyday life doesn't allow this side of me out.

I'm a 33 yr old married man and as I've mentioned very kinky and open to nearly anything but my problem is I have a very vanilla wife.

When I say very vanilla, I mean she keeps most of her cloths on for sex, and sex is only bout once every few months. The only kink I can get with her is kissing her feet. He smallest of things even talking about sex makes her uncomfortable. She never used to be that way but over last 5 years has just completely changed. Also the away I life if I was "outed" it wouldn't be to much fun, also if I was outed I would probably lose my family due to the way my wife is.

So I come online to get my mental kinky fix. I still crave physical kink but don't know how to get it.

I'm posting this to find friends on here, share ideas and thoughts and advice, even maybe some online kinky chats and games(but that is probably a bit of wishful thinking).

Without sounding like a desperate man (which in some ways I am) I would be grateful to any of you great minded people on here to drop me a line and allowing me to make some new friends I can talk about this side of my life with.

Thanks for reading. Hopefully will speak to you soon.

[Slutastic]

Hi mpmp

I'm sorry to hear about your situation that you are in, but don't think you are alone - There are many couples that are married who are in the same situation as you. Although some times it can be the female wanting more and the male very vanilla.

Sometimes lack of sex can cause one of the partners to turn into a "sexual fiend" as they are very sexually frustrated, which makes them ask for sex constantly and get moody when told NO

Can we have sex?
NO
Can we have sex?
NO
Can we have sex?
NO
Can we have sex?
NO

..... Sometimes asking can be one of the worst things you can do, as she is not going to be sexually turned on at the time. So the answer you will be getting is "no" most of the time, as It is a chore for her this way.

Instead sensual hugging, kissing and a gentle work up can work so much better, this also then doesn't give this on the spot 50/50 question.

Complimenting the person on how good parts of there body look will also help them to come out of there shell and be more comfortable with the way they look with less clothes on around you.

Make sure when you do have sex that it isn't all about you. Being desperate and sexually frustrated can make you forget at the time that she should be getting as much pleasure as you - Tease and tickle her neck or other parts of her body gently with your finger tips, get her in the mood before having sex.
You may even want to think about making it more pleasurable for her than it is for you, to show her that sex isn't all about you. This would also then make your chances of having sex again sooner.





As for wanting more of a kinky relationship, its not advisable to go there until she is comfortable with vanilla sex and she is getting as much pleasure as you from it.
Although in a kind of way she already has a dominating role over you by taking control over when you have sex and by allowing you to kiss her feet.


You are the judge at the end of the day, however take your time with the whole process and don't rush, simple small steps will get a better result in the long term.


I hope this helps and good luck in making your sexual relationship better for BOTH of you.

[mpmp]

Thanks for reply.

I have tried everything over the last few years and everything I do ends in a NO.

Funnybu shohld say its like im being dominated because I have used the thought that she is dominating me and it's kept me going and I think to myself it's chastity. But then the way she gets with me isn't dominating the way it should be. She gets nasty and cruel and not in a "I'm goin to humiliate n degrade my slave " way when she gets angry.it is just vicious and I then lose all secular thoughts so I'm back to square one. She knows I like to be her "slave" and has in the past played with this but it is now as I've said even mentioning anythin to do wih any sort of sex act it starts a vicious verbal attack. So I have gave up asking now.

And I understand the "sexual fiend" you have mentioned. It's all I think I about all day and night when I'm not playing with the kids. It takes all my thought process up in work and every other min of the day still trying to hold on to the thought that maybe my wife will do this or that but it never happens. N that just makes things harder. (In more ways than one.haha )

I am just glad of sites like these. Especially this one. The teases are a genius idea. But still crave the really thing. To serve worship adore and please a Mistress.

[SexualChoc]

I am just glad of sites like these. Especially this one. The teases are a genius idea. But still crave the really thing. To serve worship adore and please a Mistress.

I have a very simple.. solution
One that worked well for my marriage.
ACT like you worship her!
get her flowers or gifts for no reason other than to express your love (if she appreciates gifts, not all women do)
Always help out around the house, cleaning/cooking/ dishes/laundry/ child care/

talk to her, go on dates..

Now you didn't write much.. but someone wearing clothes during sex.. and the general lack of a sex drive for her..
have you done marriage counseling?
does she have someone who abused her in her past?
remember a huge % of women have suffered rape or abuse
I am not trying to 'diagnose" but it is something you should know about , if you don't.

next along with treating her like the goddess she is,
you may already have a nice denial scedule.
frustrating? yes of course, fun? it can be.
chances are you will have to be sneaky and find denial/fetish assignments here
I highly doubt that she will ever get involved in that part.

but make sure you let her know how much you love her/care for her.
many women see porn as a threat and very few understand that this site can actually encourage marriage fidelity.

if she does not want to go to counseling, another thing to think about/explore is medical advice.
female Viagra is finally available..
also if she is on medication, a lot of meds have reduced sex drive as a side effect.

all of this is just suggestions

[mpmp]

Hi sexualchoc

I do all of the above the flowers, small gifts, house work, do everything I can. I do have a denial fetish but only so far my imagination can take it. She is on medication which does lower her sex drive a little but she has been on same meds for years. She used to be great n would try small things n watch porn with me, but nothin to kinky.

It just seems to of stopped. There is nothing in her past that has gave her issues regarding sex. I would understand if there was n her keeping cloths on and not wanting much. It's just strange.

What makes it harder is I can't talk about my fetishes other than her feet n being a slave in the house for her. If I mention more she gets pissed off with me.

I've held in this side of me for 10 yrs now and it's eating me up not being able to talk about . With previous partners I have been able to explore that side of me but my wife is 99% vanilla.


The teases as I said are great and I do a lot of denial ones and use my imagination that my wife is involved it has kept me going. But now my fetishes persona is trying to get free and it is in my every thought. Other than when the kids are around.

How do you control a feeling that is so strong, how do you calm it down or do I just let it out some way

[Philze]

Damn man, sad to hear about your issues.

What you desccribe is a terrible position, where every move of yours can have crucial outcomes.
It sounds like you tried your best to bring back the sex into your marriage ( not only kink specific) and your wife just refuses you.

Does she enjoy the rarely sex you both have? Or is it more a "if you really want, Ill let you do your thing but then you got enough for the next few weeks" thing?
I often achieved my goals in life with confrontating people with my problems. Make her understand that you dont want this to continue this way much longer and something has to change. If there is still some kind of love between you two, I am shure she will accept it earlier or later. Showing her that you have to suffer from this kind of non sexual relationship.

The problems will start if she dont agree with you and still want to continue like that. If thats the case you should ask yourself if you want this for the next 40 years. I dont advice to break up, dont do that. Even without marriage/family it is a really big thing, so point out that you cant live continuing like that.

[mpmp]

Hi philze

Thanks for comments.

She does enjoy it because for while after it the stress and arguments between really ease off, we r a lot closer, have more of a laugh, enjoy each others company a lot lot more and often have it a few times with in the space of a few days but hen nothing for a while.

At the moment it's been since 1st of July. I remember this because I had an operation on my back on the 3rd and we spent the night in a hotel on the 1st. That had very mild kink to it. I had 6 weeks of the 14weeks recovery time and i knew we couldn't do anything and that made me a "sexual fiend" so since then I've been getting horny by the minute. Ha

I do tell her but it always ends up in an argument and she tells me to not put her under pressure n if I don't like it leave. At one point I went and spent 3 nights at my mother's house.

Another thing I have suggested is she puts me in chastity and then that would keep me in sub space in my mind and it would work for me but I also believe it would work for her. But she told me "that's not normal though" amoungst other things which both upset me and also made me feel like she thought my sexual kinks are disgusting. Even though I know it is so normal to have fetishes. I've tried to explain to her the benifit she would get massively would out way mine but still nothing.

I've asked her if she has any fetishes and all I got then was "I think sex should just be sex, why do you need other things" that was after she used to play the Mistress role (in a mild form, ) and did do some kinky stuff with me. Then suddenly just changed.

She knowsni have fetishes but ive only told her the mild ones trying to build it up so not to scare her at the start of our relationship but due to her reactons I am no scared to mention even the mild ones other than her feet n being a slave, which she just things is doing stuff for her non sexual. Which I admit is all part of it and all part of being her slave but there is no aim or purpose to it, if you can understand what I mean.
I know people will say the only purpose of a slave/sub is that of pleasing the domme/dom but that has purpose. For example if she had me in chastity it would have purpose. (That's just an example)

Just want to thank you all. It feels good even talking about this and not having the worry that an argument will follow. Never mind when I get to talk about my fetishes haha

[Slutastic]

It sounds like your will to be her slave maybe too strong and putting her off having sex with you all together.

Iv seen the sexual fiend stage break a lot of relationships up. :(
Unless you want to revert back to vanilla to make her happy then its not leaving you a lot of choices.

All you can really do is do things like leave web pages open with the pro's of putting men in chastity.
Or use a bit of reverse psychology on her and when she tells you to do something, reply nicely with "I'm sorry (pet name here) I cant, you don't want me to be your slave" and show her what she is missing out on.
(Both of the above 2 ways are a bit risky and could cause more problems.)

or alternatively you could get a 3rd person involved in your relationship,
or last result split with your partner if you really cant do this for the next 40 years.
- Even splitting up does not mean you will find someone else that wants a kinky lifestyle (Look at all the desperate people on here.)

[mpmp]

All this is true. All very risky. Thinking of sending the odd link about how good chastity can b for the key holder to her. Haha
She wouldn't entertain a 3rd person.

I have tried doing nothing, tried being the slave, tried being vanilla and still get no where.

I love her n want to be with her but having a lot of trouble with how kinky I am. Most things I see my mind is making a kinky scenario out off. It's getting so hard to handle.

Had how desperate I'm feeling to. Driving me insane.

Starting to feel lik a need to go see a pro domme. Would any off you find that advisable?

[mpmp]

Some good and bad news on my sexual front.

Good news: it was our anniversary on 19th and I booked us a hotel. On the night she wasn't to well so not much happened other then we had a laugh and enjoyed each others company and in the morning we had sex for the 1st time since July.

Bad news: it rely did feel like she did it just because she felt she had to and it took the fun from it. So I've had a physical realise but mentally still feel the same.

But one other good thing is she has said wants to do it again in the new year and has said the reason she was like she was is because she wasnt feeling well still. So I suppose I can take it that the whole time away went well.

Still can't get kink off my mind tho. Hahaha