How to help a submissive woman become dominant?

[sorryboy]

Hey. So my girlfriend's a switch, leaning a bit towards the submissive side. As I said, more submissive, but does enjoy teasing me and having me eat cum from her pussy. Any way to sway her to the more dominant end of the scale? tips? tricks? things I could do?

[DellaRoss]

Does she want to swing more towards the Dominent side? Or is that your desire? Have you spoken to her about this?

Because honestly trying to change someone against their will tends to put a bit of a crimp on a relationship.

[sorryboy]

She's spoken of becoming more dominant, yes. But she doesn't exactly know how to go from submissive to a little more dominant, and asked me, and I'm not quite sure..

[andy wood]

sorryboy,

I like Della's comment:

Because honestly trying to change someone against their will tends to put a bit of a crimp on a relationship.

That was pretty much the understatement of the year.

On another Forums thread awhile back, some guy wrote that his girlfriend was pretty vanilla, and he wanted her to be more kinky and domme-like. He asked for advice on how he could do this. The best reply that I saw was when someone said that this guy's girlfriend was probably asking her friends "How can I make my boyfriend be less kinky, less submissive, and more vanilla?"

I think that dom/mes and subs are found, not made.

That being said, some kinds of change can be encouraged. It is fairly easy to provide someone with information about new skills and techniques. Then if the person wants to develop the new skills, it is a matter of practicing them and making consistent effort.

I read something great about training in a business book called "The One Minute Manager". It talked about training as a series of successive approximations. It said that when dolphins are trained to jump through hoops, the trainer starts by putting a rope across the bottom of the pool. The rope is actually resting on the bottom of the pool, so that it is impossible to go under it. Then when the dolphin swims over that rope, it is rewarded. After that, the rope is raised each day, and once again, the dolphin is rewarded if it swims over the rope, but not if it swims under the rope. Finally the rope is raised slightly above the surface of the water, so that the dolphin has to leap into the air to get over the rope and get its reward.

The moral of this story about training the dolphin, is that expecting perfection from your student on the first attempt, is pretty much a guarantee of demotivating the student. So, if your girlfriend wants to explore her domme side but is nervous about doing so, one of the best things you can do is to give her encouragement every time she shows any sort of domme behavior. If she has the desire to do this, and if you can patiently encourage her, then she may move in this direction. But ultimately if her becoming your domme is something that you want and she does not want, then it is not going to happen.

[Nezhul]

She should think of what she's enjoying as a submissive the most. And Extrapolate it the other way around, i.e. make YOU feel that enjoyment, and act the best way to fulfill those fantasies. Like she'd be thinking "Ok, if it was ME lying in front of me right now, how should I act as a dominant to make MYSELF in front of me feel the best?" "Do I want to be asked before dom does it, or should it come as a surprise?"
And just do what she thinks is best

At least that's a good start to get a feel for it. Adding personal kinks to this mixture is easy. To be a good dominant she should first of all FEEL what the sub gets from it. Personally, I enjoy the most doing to girls the things I want to be done to myself.

If she's OK with taking the power, then her submissive side is only a plus because it shows her what her partner (you) gets from this or that thing.

Just remember that in a relationship is meant for two, and never forget to fulfill her submissive side as well.

[les]

                     
                     These just popped up on literotica

                    I suggest you both read them.
                     
                     http://www.literotica.com/s/dominology-101-be-yourself
                     http://www.literotica.com/s/dominology-103-honesty
http://www.literotica.com/s/dominology- ... boundaries
                     http://www.literotica.com/s/dominology- ... -and-donts

[CruelNatalie]

You can't change someone's nature on a whim. Instead of approaching it as D/s why not just call it kinky role-play. Doing professional sessions role-play is huge. D/s is more about a dynamic. What you are describing really is just kinky sex. Negotiate your scenes with a start and ending time. Discuss limits and desires. Then just have fun with it. It might feel strange at first but as you go on it will become more playful,,,as it should be

[les]

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-relucta ... ress-guide

[Ms. Julie]

Start with role-play. This way she can 'be someone else' for a while and experiment and learn. She doesn't have to worry about feeling phony, because the phoniness is explicit. In role-play sessions she can freely try and act however she likes without feeling fake or silly. Next time she can try something completely different. Trial and error. If she enjoys being dominant but is just inexperienced (which you speculate is the case), then she will find stimulation and satisfaction in some of the things she does during role play. She can then start to focus on those things and make them her own and eventually carry this outside of role-play sessions.

[jackstock]

sounds like a situation where you'll end up actually be topping from the bottom.

[Nezhul]

Doesn't sound like that to me
To me it sounds like an inexperienced girl having trouble figuring out where to start out not to make it worse.