Help from the best

[Cider]

Ok, i have met a Mistress who is completely sexy, lives near me, is the same age, and interested in me. we have been exchanging e-mails for a week or two through a bdsm personals site and her most recent message to me included this:

"I would like to learn more about you as a person, no mention of bdsm in your next message. I want to know about you, your values, your expectations and what your looking for, your immediate interest and your not so important interest :) besides...how am I to be a capable and efficent Domme without knowing who you are :) true and complete domination starts from the inside and works its way out. Tell me what you think will help with this, you know yourself better then I do at this point, so you tell me. Before too long I will know better and be expected to be treated like i do :) but for now tell me of yourself."

I must say i am a little unclear what she is asking is here, and from our other conversations she seems so real and truly devoted to being a Domme and i don't want to mess this up.

values, expectations, and what i'm looking for? does she mean what i am looking for in life? say like goals or something? or what i am looking for in a relationship? or what?

immediate interest and not so important interest? wow i'm lost.

what will help with her domination of me start from the inside and work its way out? does anyone have an answer on how i can answer that with no mention of bdsm? or does she want me to mention bdsm for this part? man i must be a complete idiot.

i like to consider myself pretty experienced in the lifestyle, but i'll be honest these questions are stumping me. i have re-read the entire message, including this part about 25-30 times and i still am unclear. i know some of you here have r/t Mistresses and i couldnt think of a better place to maybe get an explanation, maybe someone understands what is wanted from me better than i do, or can help clear up some things. i know i have only included a small part of the message, but i think this is enough to maybe get some suggestions from the crowd here.

cumhardy, all2true, textured shroom, i think i have heard you guys mention r/t Mistresses and i am really needing some help here from you guys or from one of the r/t Dommes that visit this site from time to time (i am sure you ladies must know what is wanted here), or anyone else that thinks they can help.

i really believe this WONDERFUL Woman could be what i have been actively seeking for about 5 years now. please help, and also keep in mind that for this particular response she does not want any mention of bdsm. Thanks in advance, i know i can count on the Milovana community.

[texturedshroom]

OK, calm down. You're stressing over nothing.

First I'd like to tell you that you've found a good Domme. In my opinion, a good Domme should be interested in just those things she told you she was interested in.

What is she interested in? What does she want to know? She wants to know about your personality, your goals in life; in other words, she wants to know the "you" that everyone else knows. The "you" outside of BDSM.

She wants to know about you and what kind of life you lead, and who you are as a person. It might not be what you expected to hear from a Domme but it's good that you did hear it. It shows she is serious and that she wants something besides just a doormat.

There is probably no right or wrong answer and, if there is, we certainly couldn't provide you with it. Just be honest and forthright about yourself to her.

[Cider]

thanks texture...that helps a lot. i guess i am stressing about it, but really she seems like what i have been looking for for so long, not just another play date. I knew i could count on Milovana for help, i needed a little settling down. You made me feel better, maybe i'll try to sit and write back to her now, be completely honest about myself and hope she likes what she hears. Cheers texturedshroom. also congrats on your recently joining the Milovana team.

[texturedshroom]

Thanks and godspeed. I hope you join the list of lucky subs who finds themselves a real Mistress, and I hope you serve Her well and show Her that you're worthy of that honor.

[Nika Ferlinghetti]

Honeybee, shroom has it right. Just take a deep breath, and tell her about YOU. What do you value? (honesty? integrity? intelligence?) What do you hope for? (wealth? a family?) She just wants to get to know you better. Unless your answers are along the lines of, 'I enjoy torturing small mammals' you'll be fine. (Tens units on kitties aside, yes I do read the other posts)

So, relax and let her get to know you. Dommes are people too.

Nika

[cumhardy]

FUCKING shit man I spent ages typing a reply to this. but then my bastard internet messed up so i hit back and now the message is not there. Well i didnt add much to what the others have said and im not typing it all out again!

Oh, dont forget to ask her about herself too.

[all2true]

Let me put it this way,
You remember dating?

You know getting to know someone?
What's your fav. drink?
'normal' stuff?

From what little you posted it sounds like you may have the woman you want.
Now, don't talk about Sex!
ONLY if she does first!
Do not start the flirting, in Short, let her lead.
(That's what you want anyway isn't it?)

Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT rush things.
(That's were I got the idea from my last tease by the way) Indisive Mistress.
not a good idea.

Hope it goes well,
think of it as dating.
Have fun, go public places.
Date!

[nomeuno]

I can't tell by this amount of info if she's good or bad. You'd have to be a fricken wizard to figure that out. I can tell you that this is the internet and so far, while she seems harmless, i'd approach with caution and yes definately get to know her. Just move slowly and guard your personal info. i hate to say this, well, no i don't, there's a lot of sleezy chics out there who claim this and that under the name "Domme" and i'm just offering the suggestion of caution. i do however wish you well and good luck with it.

[rbtheservant]

Cider,

Sounds like, from the tiny portion you posted, that this Domme wants to get to know you, perhaps for something more than play. I am married and my wife is my Mistress, we have been together forever, so the two roles just grew up together. We enjoy fetish play, but it is not the majority of our everyday lives, we are both professionals and live in suburbia like everyone else. Though our closest friends know we are more than vanilla and rather kinky, our family, neighbors and co-workers would be completely shocked to know what we do for fun.

To address what Nomeuno wrote, use common sense and be careful. Just like any other dating situation, meet in public places at first, get to know her away from the scene and see what happens. I can't really be sure she is looking for more than play, but it sort of read that way. As Shroom stated, even if it is just play with you that she is interested in, be lucky she cares. My closest friends are my favorite Mistresses, because they know me personally and are truly interested in me and my wife.

Hope I helped,

[Cider]

thanks to everyone for your help. You have helped me out tremendously!

Nika, keep in mind i never said i enjoyed using tens unit on a kitty, just agreed with cum that it might be funny and thankYou for your input, it always helps to get the info from a Domme, after all who could give a better explanation of what a Domme wants better than another Domme?

cumhardy, haha, you never fail to make me laugh, sorry your attempt didnt turn out like you wanted to, but at least i know ya tried, i think i will ask her more about Herself that i dont already know.

all2true, thanks for the advice. it is so hard for me not to rush things, hell i would be willing to drop everything and meet her tomorrow, but i understand completely what you are saying. very wise advice, and very helpful. From reading some of your posts, it seems that you have quite a bit of experience, i would be stupid not to take your advice. THANKS!!!

nomeuno, thanks for the concern. of course i will be cautious b/c i have also talked to Dommes who turned out not to be quite who they said they were. Just so you know this Lady does not seem this way. She is the real deal from what i can tell of her messages. i'm always careful though, i dont want to end up dead in a ditch anymore than the next sub!

rb, what a lucky man you are to be MARRIED to your Mistress. thanks for the input, i can be honest i never expected to get this detailed of response to my post. i thought after shroom posted that would probably be all i got. everyone here has proved me wrong. thanks again, everyone has been more than helpful.