However, all that changed when I laid down in bed to listen to Nikki Fatale's "Because Bliss". Not only do I know that hypnotism is real now, I have also come to believe that I am very hypnotizable. I had been listening to all sorts of hypnosis all week before. I had managed to feel dizzy and light headed (but hell I feel that way most of the time). I had managed to get my hand to tingle. To feel it kind of 'want' to rise in the air on it's own. To even have it twitch in that direction, but it did not actually rise. I even had a wonderful orgasm from Fiona Clearwater's "Hands Free Orgasm" video, (which can be found on Youtube surprisingly), but I felt like that maybe I had helped it along. I might have mentally willed it a little bit and since I find having hands free orgasms very easy to do even while conscious, it didn't feel like real proof. I was still unsure. Hypnosis was definitely fun. Intoxicating even. Pleasant. Addictive. But maybe I was just being led through a nice dream and maybe my pleasure and arousal was a response to the 'idea' of being aroused through hypnosis and not the result of an actual command.
However, this was all 'settled' two days ago when I listened to Nikki Fatale's "Because Bliss". Her session just talks about pleasure in a general way (not tied to male or female or any specific response). She 'triggers' increasing pleasure through a staccato word trigger technique, which is really quite wonderful. I had listened to it before and it was wonderful then and I even had an orgasm, but again I had the nagging feeling that I was forcing it, willing it to happen. This time, as a test, I was determined not to 'fake it', not to try, not to think, but to just lie there, listen, truly relax and faithfully follow the instructions and see what would happen. Maybe nothing. I was completely willing to except that. What is so erotic to me about hypnosis is the involuntary nature, so I was determined to not consciously force anything and in fact, if anything, I think I even resisted a bit, forcing myself to relax and refocus on her voice when my body screamed it wanted to tense up. The words were spoken in a staccato manner so that each word was a 'trigger' to feel a pleasurable sensation. "Each. Word. A. Trigger. To. Feel. Pleasure." Soon my head felt like it was 'buzzing' with each word. This was real. This was definitely real. It felt like the exact same feeling I get from ASMR audio, although stronger. Actually, in retrospect, maybe it wasn't stronger, I'm not sure, but unlike normal ASMR audio, the buzz was repeated over and over with in a relentless pattern. I wonder now if maybe ASMR and hypnotizability are related. I started to feel this strange sensation through my body. I don't know if I would have called it 'pleasure', although it was indeed 'kind of' pleasant, it was more like the buzz in my head from each word was starting to spread to my entire body. I'm not even sure if I would call it a pleasant buzz even, it just 'was'. It existed. It was there throughout my body. The buzz kept increasing and increasing. Again, I was determined to relax and not 'push' anything. Whatever would happen, I was not going to will it in any way. After a few minutes I started to feel soooo weird, but overall I would have to say if felt wonderful. All my muscles started to involuntary tense and my body started to shake. This wasn’t a ‘relaxing’ pleasure; oh no. This wasn’t what I would necessarily call ‘bliss’ from a peace and calm and spiritual perspective. The shaking was like when I've had a really a bad scare (near miss car accident type of thing) and the adrenaline is coursing through my body (maybe this was adrenaline to, I don't know?). I tried to calm down, to relax, and to embrace the trance. I was determined not to have my conscious mind participate in what was going. I would stop shaking for a bit and then calm a bit as the pleasure faded, then the feeling in my body started to increase and the shaking would build and build ending off on stronger high this time, then a slight pause. Then again. And again. And again. A few times at the peak I swore under my breath, “Fuck!” as if to say "Oh my god! Enough already!" My panties felt like they were soaked and my muscles felt exhausted from shaking. I didn't think I was going to orgasm, but I didn't care. It just felt so mind blowing as it was. I didn’t need an orgasm. I was satisfied with the outcome of the experiment. Hypnotism is real and it was fucking amazing. Orgasm wasn't necessary and I was determined not to 'push' anything on purpose. Either it happened or it didn't and it looked like it wasn't going to happen. Whatever. This felt really good as it was. I was already a total believer. Finally the end of the session came up and a trigger word ('bliss' - with a VERY ASMR inducing hiss sound to it) is said over and over but slowly getting quieter. I thought to myself, "Well I guess that's it. Wow that was awesome". But then, slowly, my whole body started to tense and tense and tense what seemed like at least thirty seconds and I could feel it. Orgasm was building and building inside me and I tensed and tensed. Finally I came. . I came and I came and I came. I came harder than I have ever cum in my entire life and it kept going and going. I don’t know how long it lasted, but I know it was an unusually long time. I still shake even now just thinking about that orgasm. I have never had a sexual experience that intense before. Not even close (sorry boys).
The next day my mind kept going back to that experience. God. So good. I tried not to think about it. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and started exploring other hypnosis videos I had. Trans-gender, guided masturbation, pee, feel itching – wow these hypno lovers are really kinky!
Then finally I stumbled upon Kasha Shatki and her tease and denial material. Oooo that sounds interesting. I started to listen to one about being perpetually aroused (possibly a bad idea in retrospect). Everything she said made my head buzz and it felt like I was deep in trance. My head buzzed as Kasha told me about how I was going to be perpetually horny from now on. The idea of this fantasy was so hot for me that I felt like I was going to have an orgasm just from her telling me what I was about to suffer. This is not hyperbole, I was literally right on the edge. Desperate. Anxious. Something I’ve done to others hundreds of time but seldom experienced myself. But this time, Kasha was telling me it was going to stay like this. Wow. The fantasy of that blew my mind. I got even hornier if that was possible. Finally the session ended and somehow I managed not to have an orgasm or remember much of what else went on in the recording. I felt horny, but that was hardly surprising was it since I had just come out of trance with my wonderful predicament described to me in such an appealing way I couldn’t resist wanting it. I went about the day determined not to 'do' anything about my horniness. I wanted to save myself for another "Because Bliss" session in a couple of days, and I didn’t want to reduce the experience by having an orgasm now. Besides, I just had an orgasm maybe 12 hours ago. Surely I didn’t have to have another one so soon. My horniness waxed and waned as the day went on. I couldn’t resist and listened to another session where she controlled my breathing. When she described this breath play, I suddenly felt so horny from one of my favorite fantasy ideas that again I seriously thought I might have an orgasm, just from that. Again, I somehow managed to resist and was again left even hornier than before. It was too much. I masturbated to orgasm (I think maybe breaking the rules of the first session, although I’m not sure as I didn’t remember much of it). There finally. I can relax. I went about my day again. In the evening there was a burning desire in my loins. “Ignore it” – I thought, and I did. I danced around the house in this anxious state like a young boy who has to go pee. It waned again and finally I went to bed. As I lay there I thought about the day and the horniness started to grow. This wasn’t a pleasant sort of horniness either. This was an angry horniness that demanded attention. That made very movement of cloth against my skin feel like I might orgasm from even this minor stimulation. I lie there determined not to do anything about it and it stayed. Constant. Several times I reached down to confirm that indeed I was very wet. I felt compelled by my horniness to taste the juices on my fingers, something I have never done before (slightly salty). I got up to go pee more times than I can remember as if that might ‘help’ this feeling go away. Finally as the digital clock counted down my continuing torment (2:20 AM, shit), I gave in and masturbated to orgasm. Ah, finally, I could go to sleep. I woke this morning, pretty well rested considering. Got up, had breakfast. Then my mind started to wander. I want to listen to another Kasha session, I thought. “No! Come-on. You know it will just make you incredibly horny.” The thought refused to completely leave, although so far I have resisted. I'd be lying though if I said I wasn't kind-of enjoying this. I only wish I had more willpower.
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