Tales of the banned

[Dream_On]

Shawn you were approached by a minimum of 5 people that I know of about your behavior. All of these people spoke to you in a civilized manner. The truth shall set you free.

[Tashi]

*sits in overstuffed chair, puffs a bubble pipe*

now, you will tell me about your mother, ja?

[shawnstuh133]

I was approached by the mods only. Not by the people who did the tasks. There is a big difference there. Hey, i'm not insulting you guys so mind stopping with the insults towards me. I'm not a drunken jock. I'm not waving around words with no meaning behind them. I'm definitely not too immature for a site like this. Also i was approached in the wrong way. I was not approached in a civilized manner at all. I'm trying to handle this situation like an adult. I'm sorry but i have not been doing anything dangerous. Edging isn't dangerous, ball slaps aren't dangerous. They should know what they are doing to themselves, if they think they are doing something that is dangerous, then they shouldn't do it. I would never put anyone in danger. Also, i am not an emotionless Avatar thank you very much. For calling me all those names and throwing around all those insults without thinking about it, it kinda makes me think that you are the emotionless avatar. I voiced all my problems to the person directly who was doing something directly towards me. I didn't go to a mod and have them deal with it. I didn't go to a mod when i had a problem with Magikk or Unknown or anyone else. I dealt with it myself. If a "sub" isn't brave enough to deal with a problem themselves, then they should just be brave enough to.

[Dream_On]

The mods and several members of the community that are not mods that tried to politely speak to you about your treatment of other people. You sure are forgetting to mention a lot of details for someone that is so insistent on everyone else making sure that everything is told.

There was far more than edging and ball slaps you were telling people to do, some of these were things that had no business of being given as orders. A dominant should not be telling subs to do things that are dangerous. That is one of the many responsiblities of a dominant toward the sub/subs he/she is giving orders to. Three things need to be considered with any action a sub is directed to do: Safety, Sanity and Consent. If one of these things is not met with an action that action should not be directed to a sub. Yes you may have only been giving commands to people on the internet, but they are still real people behind those computers.

By your logic people in abusive relationships should confront the person abusing them instead of seeking outside help. That is not always a feasible option. Sometimes seeking outside help is the best way to solve a problem. Your attitude in this thread has shown that I made the correct decision when I removed you in the best interest of the chat community.

[dr.d]

*sits in the shadows.....saddened...............*

*hugs* Miss Shell*

[shawnstuh133]

That's ridiculous. I wasn't abusing anyone and shouldn't be compared to that as well. I wasn't nor am a dominant. If they thought it wasn't safe sane or didn't want to do it, then they should've told me themselves. You and everyone else are trying to continuously fight their fights for them. I wasn't standing over them making them doing anything so they should be ok with confronting me. I don't have any attitude expressed right now. Just how i worded things. You can't really express emotions through typing. It's very hard to read what a person is feeling based on words on the internet. I did tell them that if they felt that they couldn't do it then they should've told me. I didn't force them to choose to do the tasks. Also what "dangerous" tasks was i asking them to do?

[Tashi]

you are a joke in the shape of a human

[Miss Shell]

*slips from the shadows to express my thoughts.....*

What I have to say isn't going to be liked by all, and I know that. That is one reason I have resisted posting anything.
I want it stated that I care for many of the people making posts in this thread, and some of them dare I say have a special place in my heart for them. But that does not mean that I have to agree with everything that they say or feel. And that also means that they don't have to like what I say. My feelings for them have not changed because of this thread, and hopefully theirs of me won't, after I have expressed myself.

I also want to say that I do not know Shawn. I was only slightly aware that there were some issues going on in the chat room, before I became aware of this thread.

*

First, Magikk, I wish you hadn't changed the title of this thread, and removed your original post. There were comments made right after the original one, that seem to lose their impact with it missing.
I too was saddened by how the thread had taken a different turn then it started out, but I have found way to often, that happens, a lot, in forums.
But the original post was good, and I hope you return it.

*

I agree that this web site is a community brought together by like minded people. However, I do disagree with you Mag, on one thing you said,

But Milo is NOT a sex site..

On the Home page, under the "Welcome to Milovana" banner, on the left, it states,

This is the site for anybody who likes sex and loves to experiment and explore.

Most everyone, if not everyone, came here for sexual reasons, but many have found deep relationships and a feeling of belonging to a family as they have gotten to know others.
There are some though, that have not formed relationships past "one night stands" with people. Those people should not be faulted anymore then those that have formed bonds with others. For what ever reason, they either can't seem to make friends, or choose not to.
There are many reasons why some people don't make friends, one of those could be that if they were to do so, that makes it feel as if they are cheating on spouses or those in the outside world.
Some people have a hard time making friends in the outside world, because it's just the way they are. It stands to reason that they are going to have problems making friends online too.

*

Yes this post seemed to take a turn in a different direction then Mag had hoped it would.
Shawn, for what ever reason, you felt as if Mag was speaking directly about you, with his post. You had a choice to send Mag a PM and discuss it with him privately, or bring your feelings and comments directly to the thread and therefore opened yourself up for the comments that have been directed at you. Neither choice was wrong or right, simply a choice.

*

Bullying takes on many forms, in both the outside, ("real") and inside (online) worlds.
Having been on the receiving end of bullying, perhaps I am more sensitive to it, then others might be.
In my opinion, there is no difference in the things that Shawn has been accused of doing, and the ganging up on one person, calling names and being incredibly disrespectful and rude, like what has happened on this thread. Not only have names been called, but pats on the back have been given those calling names.
*shakes my head back and forth*

Which person on here knows the life that Shawn is leading in the outside world? Has he been abused? Did he lose a family member recently and is angry? Did he fight in the military and is now disabled? Does he barely have enough money to feed his family? Is his partner in life ill? Is he desperate for friendship, but does not know why he can't find the friends he seeks? The list could goes on and on.
Yet, but the very focus on the original post, tolerance, grace, acceptance and understanding has not been shown to Shawn.
Are we going to start with the next person, or perhaps the beginning can be with Shawn?

*

Shawn, like I stated, I have no idea of what has gone on, in the chat room, other then what has been said here. If the "I'm right / you're wrong" claims were stopped, and a new fresh beginning was offered, what would you do with it?
You have learned from conversations in the chat room, and here, that certain things you were doing is not acceptable behavior.
I know that the behavior was told you, and to some degree, the reasons were as well.

I am a Domme and a submissive, so I have some advantages that others do not, in seeing both sides of the coin.
Perhaps some of the confusion you have had comes from the lack of understanding of the submissive heart. Their main goal, what drives them forward, is to please the one they serve. There doesn't have to be "ownership" involved for that commitment to be in place for someone.
A Dominant's main responsibility is to protect not just a submissive they have under them, but any submissive.
Yes, it's true that a person that is submitting should say no, or use safe words to orders given them, that does not feel right for them to do. But the line of sub space is different for all. One person might drop into sub space as soon as greetings are offered them, while others might not drop into it, until a deep scene is taking place.
That's why it is very important and necessary for the Dominant to stay in control of the situation at all times. This includes knowing when the submissive is not using their safe words, when they should be.

Here is something I found ages ago, and thought I would share it...perhaps it will help.

Spoiler: show

A submissives Rights

i have the right to set limits, and expect them to be respected.

i have the right to trust, providing I have earned it.

i have the right to expect You to believe I am an intelligent, caring and loyal person.

i have the right to ask for Your attention, without having to misbehave to get it.

i have the right to expect You to administer Your punishment on me with care and caution.

i have the right to question your motives, should You deny my requests, as long as I do so with the proper respect.

i have the right to speak up if I feel O/our relationship is not giving me what I need.

i have the right to tell You what I need in a respectful manner.

i have the right to expect You to understand my reasons for doing so, and the right to expect You to listen with an open mind and heart.

i have the right to walk away from our relationship if W/we cannot come to a common ground on these issues.

i have the right to expect tenderness, love and understanding after a scene is completed, should it be what I desire.

i have the right to ask You for that tenderness if I've had a bad day, or if I just feel the need for closeness.

I understand that there will be times when You and I will disagree about this ~when You will want a scene and I will not.

i have the right to voice my opinion, and expect You to listen to and consider my reasoning,

I expect You to have final word, but i expect You to wholeheartedly consider my feelings, whatever they may happen to be.

i have the right to expect You to understand that deep trust often breeds love, and i expect You not to repel me if i tell You that i love You. For my Master i will love You, should O/our relationship move ahead, should O/our trust continue to grow.

i have the right to expect You to tell me, at any point, if You do not feel You can return those feelings, so that i may decide what i want and need, For it is Your pleasure that adds to my own, and makes it real, And mine, that adds to Yours!

It is true that there are some submissives that are here to simply "get off". There are Dominant's that fall under that category too.
The best thing to do is decide what you want. Are you here to simply get off? Are you here to give orders, and see who will follow them? Are you here to find a submissive that you can develop some form of relationship with, so that you know their limits and their expectations from you as a Dom?
There are many reasons you can want to be here....possibly this is an oasis for you....an escape from situations that are taking place in the outside world.
Finding your reason, will go a long way to finding the perfect fit for your needs.

I think you can see that giving out tasks to just any submissive, with some of those tasks, being what some consider not wise, is not looked upon favorably in our chat room.
So, then a decision needs to be made...do you cease the behavior that is not looked upon kindly, or move on to a place where what you do, is welcomed?
It is my hope that you are not simply wanting to cause trouble, or watching as submissives try to please you, laughing behind their back at their doing tasks that could scar them, physically and emotionally, for life.
I sincerely hope that something said here, helps you understand that where as you may not see people in this world as "real", each person here is as real as you are. *gentle smile*

*

Mods are placed in a large chat room like this, to help things run smoothly. It doesn't sound like you appreciate what they are there to accomplish. My suggestion, if you are given a second chance, is to read over the "Chat Room Code of Conduct" http://www.milovana.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=7867
and ask questions if something does not make sense to you.
Then when those guidelines are followed, and you work with the mods, not against them, you might find that you have a family that is there to offer support, a smile, and friendly conversation. *gentle smile*
If you can not accept the way this chat room is run, then might I suggest that there are many other chat rooms that run things differently. Perhaps one of those might be a better fit for your needs.

*

At this point, there will be no agreement between who was right and who was wrong. The only thing now is to decide which direction to go. I wish you success in finding the happiness you seek.

*

*slips back into the shadows...*

[Magikk]

First, Magikk, I wish you hadn't changed the title of this thread, and removed your original post. There were comments made right after the original one, that seem to lose their impact with it missing.
I too was saddened by how the thread had taken a different turn then it started out, but I have found way to often, that happens, a lot, in forums.

This may provide some comfort my wonderful Miss... Had already set this one up...

http://www.milovana.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=14244

[Miss Shell]

This may provide some comfort my wonderful Miss... Had already set this one up...

http://www.milovana.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=14244

*soft smile* Yes, I had seen it Mag....thank you.

[shawnstuh133]

I agree the Shell. I also like that she isn't ganging up on me and calling me a cancer or a joke of a person. I haven't really been giving orders to submissive much the past week and a half before being banned. In my opinion, I haven't really done anything wrong by just talking to people. That's all i was doing. Unknown ganged up on my for simply saying something normal that i can imagine anyone else would have said.

[Tashi]

You seriously don't listen do you?
Like, at all.

Multiple people made complaints about you to the mods. that, in of itself, is often enough to get a ban. Regardless of the reason. Said people are under no obligation to talk, confront or discuss their issues with you if they do not wish it, or if they think you won't listen (which, considering your activities in this thread, is pretty obvious). You have no expectation of being told directly by these people, especially considering the allegations that you've played dangerously with them.

Want an example? How about that time you told someone to tie their balls up for hours at a time, something that is incredibly dangerous and can lead to permanent damage. People openly said "That's dangerous", you ignored them and pressed the sub to do it anyway. One member PMd the sub to make sure that he wouldn't do it, and was told that you had privately told him to continue even as you publicly told him he didn't have to.

This is just an example.

Why are people calling you names? Because you've refused to listen, think or be even minorly introspective in any way, shape or form. So, instead of repeatedly beating our heads against a wall, we just gave up and treat you like you treat reality; like a joke.

You have the hallmarks of a dangerous player and a predator, and if you had done any of what I have personally seen you do in chat (and have been told by people I trust) you would be banned from any IRL events in my area. That you still can't understand this is incredibly telling.

All of that is not the *only* reason you were banned. You were *also* banned for being an argumentative ass who ignored mod warnings and calls to quit your activities and argumentations with others. I have personally witnessed you doing this on at least two seperate occasions, with a fair bit of evidence that you continued to do it several more times.

So, to whit;
you ignore the mods and the rules
you play dangerously
you ignore those who tell you so

any of these three would be enough to get you banned from an offline event, gathering or group. This place is no different. Grow a clue.

[shawnstuh133]

I'm sorry i never had anyone tie their balls up for hours. Also i never started or instigated one argument. Also you don't know my life outside of this. I believe that was just that one time i did that. I admit i shouldn't have asked him to do it, but that is in the past. I'm willing to get a fresh chance.

[Tashi]

you never did it, or you're sorry you did?

You never asked anyone to do anything dangerous, or you're sorry you did?

Which is it?

[Dream_On]

So did you not ask someone to do that or was it just that one time you asked someone to do that? Or two? Or three? Or...