The Psychology of Femdom

[Egoist]

Something that interests me very much is the psychological causes of sadomasochism. If it is caused by life experiences, it must be caused at a very young age, as I remember having my first explicit masochistic/submissive fantasies at somewhere around 8. I have read a few interesting studies, one that showed that sadomasochists were likely to be more successful and intelligent. Another one showed that more socially dominant women were more sexually submissive. I think this probably is true for men to, as I am very bossy and assertive with most people. Many also seem to suggest that women are naturally submissive/masochistic while men are naturally sadistic/dominant. I'm not sure I buy into this, as it is more socially acceptable for a man to be dominant and a woman submissive.

What are your theories?

[jackstock]

That all sounds like things I have experienced or read. The whole thing about bossy people being submissive in the bedroom seems pretty well known.
But I feel that this must not always be the case. There are so many factors that go into it. From development, to personal values learned, to traumas experienced. That makes it intricate and beautiful. It's a real FEELING place

[Ms. Julie]

I read a theory a long time ago that it was the existentialist search for connection. Isolation and connectedness are important concepts in existentialism (if I remember correctly). Basically as individuals we constantly struggle to 'connect' with other people and constantly struggle against a deep sense of being isolated. No one really understands our thoughts and feelings. Sadomasochism is two individuals attempt to 'connect' at a very raw level. The sadist 'recognizes' the masochist. She 'prods' him in a way that he simply can not ignore. He is forced to acknowledge her existence. Similarly the masochist is having attention paid very closely to him. He is in fact the center of attention. He is also being acknowledged.

Sorry if that comes across as mumbo jumbo. It's not my theory, but I liked it. Intelligent people are more conscious (in the sense of analyzing and interpreting their environment more deeply than others) and are more likely to feel isolated, because they are more likely to recognize the lack of true connection that every human feels.

[diddums]

Every man has once been a little boy. At one time, we have all been subject to powerful women. And we have all passed through a period of detachment, asserting our own independence. Learning to be a man is arguably the same thing as learning to be separate from our mothers.
By volunteering ourselves to the rule of powerful women in sex play, we show ourselves we're so powerful, we can even relinquish our power. Not just to the particular domme standing over us. But symbolically to the most powerful women we've ever known and ever will; the ones who gave us birth.

[jackstock]

Ms. Julie, that bit about the sadist recognizing the masochist and the masochist really gets the attention. That totally resonates with me! I feel that I 'prod' people just like that. It's like youre testing them. exploring them. And opening them up to a strange and magnificent world.

And diddums, I really like the part about being so powerful that we can even relinquish our own power. A lot of people on milovana seem so strong like that. I find it so opening and fresh

[Ms. Julie]

jackstock,

The more I think about it the more I like the theory of "BDSM is about connectedness at a primal level".

Think about one of the standard male subs archetypes. Successful, dominant (in his job), intelligent, and driven. But this is a facade. He feels isolated because no one know the real 'him'. When he submits himself he drops this facade and feels a connection to the Domme at a very primal, painful/pleasurable level.

[Egoist]

I read a theory a long time ago that it was the existentialist search for connection. Isolation and connectedness are important concepts in existentialism (if I remember correctly). Basically as individuals we constantly struggle to 'connect' with other people and constantly struggle against a deep sense of being isolated. No one really understands our thoughts and feelings. Sadomasochism is two individuals attempt to 'connect' at a very raw level. The sadist 'recognizes' the masochist. She 'prods' him in a way that he simply can not ignore. He is forced to acknowledge her existence. Similarly the masochist is having attention paid very closely to him. He is in fact the center of attention. He is also being acknowledged.

Sorry if that comes across as mumbo jumbo. It's not my theory, but I liked it. Intelligent people are more conscious (in the sense of analyzing and interpreting their environment more deeply than others) and are more likely to feel isolated, because they are more likely to recognize the lack of true connection that every human feels.

That actually does make sense, I do like existentialism.

I think in the end all sex comes down to a primal level. I would say that sadomasochism reaches a extremely deep primal level. I would link the primal to the emotional. Contrary to popular belief, emotions are a sign of intelligence. Humans are such an emotional species because, not in spite of, their intelligence. With emotional connections being so important, something that gets deep into the primal thing would push the right buttons.

[skrote]

Something that interests me very much is the psychological causes of sadomasochism. If it is caused by life experiences, it must be caused at a very young age, as I remember having my first explicit masochistic/submissive fantasies at somewhere around 8. I have read a few interesting studies, one that showed that sadomasochists were likely to be more successful and intelligent. Another one showed that more socially dominant women were more sexually submissive. I think this probably is true for men to, as I am very bossy and assertive with most people. Many also seem to suggest that women are naturally submissive/masochistic while men are naturally sadistic/dominant. I'm not sure I buy into this, as it is more socially acceptable for a man to be dominant and a woman submissive.

What are your theories?

I can only speak for myself.

I grew up in a very violent household. There were many physical fights between my father, and my half brother who was incredibly violent.

My therapist said, it is common to turn a trauma into something erotic.

That reason I enjoy pain/corporal punishment etc.

For the submission, I think it may have to do with growing up, a group of girls where the main friends I had. Without going into details about things, there was defiantly some things I was pressured to doing/playing that may have caused self confidence issues, and then again, taking past experience that were not preferred, and making them erotic.

I think it is a combination of genetics, environment, and experience as an early child.

I have dealt with all the past in therapy, and I still have my kinks. I don't think this doesn't mean I'm not healed, It is just who I am. The reason doesn't matter as long as the present motivation is a health one.

If I was spanked because I feel worthless, that would be an unhealthy application of BDSM, but I like it because I like it then it's fine.