disabled and kinky-any hope?

[wheels71]

just curious what everybody thoughts/feelings are on physical disabilities? I've been in a wheelchair my entire life because of muscular dystrophy. All of the important parts work, but my voluntary muscles are much weaker. As a result, I'm in a wheelchair and have very limited use my arms. I am able to get and stay hard for very long periods of time, and I have full sensation everywhere. I'm intelligent, open-minded, creative and have a great imagination.

But, over the course of my life (I'm in my early 40s) I've had limited partners and have found that the vast majority seem to immediately remove me from the consideration as a possible partner just because of the wheelchair.

I've also developed a strong interest in cuckolding over the years. I think this is mostly based on my knowledge of and that there are definitely a number of physical things I just am not able to do with a woman. I'm not able to initiate things physically, I'm not able to "take advantage of the moment" as it were. But, I would never want to deprive a woman of those physical stimuli, so the cuckold concept became very appealing to me. However, it's extremely tricky to get into a relationship with someone who is able to look past the wheelchair who might ALSO be interested in the kinky side of things.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I've looked into the whole Devotee thing, but in general that is almost exclusively men looking for women who are disabled/amputees.

What are the general feelings of some of the women (and men) here in the community? Would someone who was obviously physically limited automatically fall off of your radar?

I'm an optimist, and I do like to believe that there is somebody out there for everyone… Hopefully several somebodies, LOL but sometimes, the road seems pretty barren

[Sub-Routine]

Keep that optimism - you'll have more of a chance than anyone without it! If you haven't done so already, get on Fetlife and see about what kind of local munches are in your area. Some communities are more open than others, but I've found that kinksters in general tend to be pretty accepting and open-minded folks.

[Quiet Linda]

You have potential to snag a good women.
Two words.
Oral Sex.

[DoxysTurtle]

I can't remotely imagine what it's like to be in your place, nor can I relate. I will say that it always looks hard to find someone out there, and I imagine doubly so for you. I personally would never look over someone because of physical limitations, intellect and personality matter more to me, and there will always be a way to make things work physically. In terms of kink, there's some safety limits I'd have in terms of someone with a physical handicap; the most obvious being overtight bondage as it can cause damage they don't feel, or clamping certain places, or doing any prolonged/stress positions so you don't wear out their muscles as much.

I can't comment on cuckolding at all. It's something I have no experience with or interest in. I'd never be able to watch the person I'm in a relationship with be with another man. I can handle mostly (I still get jealous and have issues) her being with another woman, as that's at least something I can't provide in most ways, but I just don't have the emotional strength to let her be with someone else without me there, or ever have her be with another man. If you're not completely sold on the cuckold idea, have you ever considered looking into polyamory? You might do well in a relationship like that, if cuckolding is not your fetish. That also might be a good group of people to look into, in terms of finding someone.

Kinky and willing to deal with your own personal issues is always a tough one... I myself am married to someone who's vanilla, but super open to things, and she allows my having a domme (a wonderful woman I happened to meet through here) to help fulfill that side. I would definitely recommend fetlife for helping find local kinky people. I'll agree with the kink community generally being pretty open to things, and I'd guess there's a decent chance of finding a play partner that way. What some may see as an issue, others might find it a fun challenge, personal kink, or just not have any issue with. the best I can do personal experience wise are the two notes below...

Personal experience #1:
One of the instructors at the local sex shop is in a wheel chair, and has been since his childhood (not sure on the full medical details, I think a spinal cord break). He runs the classes on Sensation Play (Chemical, Ice, Wax) and on Electo Play (E-Stim and Violet Wand). No one has ever remotely looked down on him or questioned him because of his disability. Furthermore, he's probably better at and more knowledgable of ways to use the devices for things he can't as readily do because of his situation.

Personal experience #2:
I actually have a close friend who has a huge fantasy of doing someone in a wheel chair (or a quadripelegic more specifically)... I don't really want to discuss the details of how I know or anything else, simply that there will always be people out there.

You should definitely stop by the chatroom sometime, we're a pretty friendly bunch. And I really hope you find someone :)

EDIT/NOTE: I'd like to mention it, though it's off topic, that my statements don't carry over fully for someone who's mentally handicapped. That's a much different issue as consent and understanding can be impossible or an issue, even for those who show interest in kink and are.

[oddling]

one option could be to look for somebody that finds disabled sexy

as in
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attraction_to_disability
migh be hard to find a sadistic devotee though

[wheels71]

migh be hard to find a sadistic devotee though

Not really looking for sadistic anyway. Cuckolding doesn't involve sadism as a basic part of it. It can often become intertwined, but it's certainly not a necessary part of the kink.

You have potential to snag a good women.
Two words.
Oral Sex.

LOL. Now THAT is definitely something I have no issue with, and it fits in very nicely with the Cuckolding kink, i.e.being used to get her off while she waits for her lover. If you ever need any assistance…

If you haven't done so already, get on Fetlife and see about what kind of local munches are in your area. Some communities are more open than others, but I've found that kinksters in general tend to be pretty accepting and open-minded folks.

I had not, but I joined just tonight. Seems like an interesting place, looking forward to exploring. I'll update if anything interesting happens, but still interested in hearing from folks on the site as well

[88888888]

I see someone already suggested fetlife. While you are there, check out the disability groups like "Kink and Disability".

[AliceInBondageLand]

There is a very robust wheelchair and alt-abled scene in the bdsm community.

Wheelchairs are a very common sight in dungeons and at conventions.

Personally, I think it is a non-issue. Some of the most famous rope tops in the world are in wheelchairs (though they don't usually advertise that fact when they post incredible japanese bondage photos) and some of my favorite bottoms are too.

Chances are if you have admired bondage porn, you have already seen a bunch of their work as rigger/photographers.

[wheels71]

maybe it's more an issue of living in a really small town than being in a wheelchair, LOL. Never really considered that

[Banquo]

maybe it's more an issue of living in a really small town than being in a wheelchair, LOL. Never really considered that

living in really small towns usually doesn't help getting into the bdsm scene full stop lol.