Is it Cheating?

[CruelNatalie]

Many of you know that I make a living offering phone sex and online femdom training. I've done this for maybe 6 years or longer. My calls range from quick T&D, fantasy and conversation. In fact I get a lot of calls from guys looking for advice and how they can incorporate their kink into their already existing lifestyle which includes a spouse who has NO interest or no idea.

I've talked to guys who have actually lost relationships over exposing fantasies and guys who's wives once dabbled then stopped or did it to shut him up. It seems that most guys have created an fantasy outlet outside of their relationship. Of course men masturbate to fantasy. I'm talking more about men who develop an entire fantasy life. Know what I mean?

So my question is - If your wife isn't interested or your relationship would be at risk, is it cheating when you call a phone sex mistress or engage in online sessions?

Thanks
Natalie

[Chico]

I think its question of degree - you could equally well ask the question is it cheating doing a web-tease when your partner is out I think most people would say that was ok and perhaps extend it to as far as interacting with you by E-mail. Personally, I think that phone sex would be just over the limit as you are interacting with someone live by voice in real-time and fantasy-time has ended!

Anyway - good question

Chico

[manwithcape]

I think you use the wrong words.

Is it cheating? It could be.
Cheating is secretly breaking the rules of a game.

If you do not tell your partner about it or if you lie about it then it is cheating.
If you tell your partner about it honestly it isn't.

[Quiet Linda]

No. It is not cheating.
(two jokes ahead)
Unless you are Jimmy Carter,
cheating has to be more than mental.
Physical contact is required, even then it may
not be cheating if you are Bill Clinton.

[Banquo]

I think cheating is a more personal concept. The question really is, would your partner feel cheated if they found out.

[1885]

You can call it cheating on an intellectual level, but view it with a little pragmatism, and it's probably making the guy's relationship at home much stronger. He doesn't have to deal with the deep frustration from lack of sexual fulfillment, which could ultimately lead to resenting his wife. Meanwhile, his wife's not being deprived of a chance to share that with him, because she's not interested anyway.

A man who was ever committed in the first place won't try to take an online dom/sub relationship further than that. A mistress who is professional won't try to take a dom/sub relationship further than that with a married man. That just doesn't feel wrong to me. It would feel more wrong to deprive a partner of something spiritually important to them just because I'm not interested in it, especially when their outlet could be provided online or over the phone.

[micheleFFS]

I'm with Banquo. Would your partner feel your mutual commitment was violated or not? Uncertain?
Take the risk of explaining the desire and negotiating limits and then abide by them. Hey, doing it that way is a form of showing respect and is, to a degree, submissive.

micheleFFS

[CruelNatalie]

I think it is personal. I don't think a guy should end a relationship because he has special sexual needs. I would rather see a married guy engage in phone sex then going to a prostitute. Most guys look at porn and jerk off. Is that cheating? lol I mean if some wives found a guys porn stash and learned he was into dressing like a girl she may feel cheated or as if he has cheated her out of a having a real man?

[BlackmailedBitch]

i think its all depending on the phrase married man i would personally not marry someone before discussing this. As a way of life it can cause all the above problems and more if marry without acknowlegdement of fetish desires should they play a big part in your life. If you are married and in this problem then its simple if the discussion doesnt go well make exceptions and agree to phonesex if that proposal is rejected then yes its cheating if that proposal is not met to get it out of your system in some agreed way without any come backs then yes its a shame but divorce or an unhappy life is ahead it depends on how strong into the lifestyle you are.

hope this helps :)

[CruelNatalie]

I don't think its all that simple. Many people come from cultures that make any type of sex outside procreation taboo. I am fortunate I grew up with parents who were not only liberal hippies but also in the femdom scene. But I talk to dozens of guys a week that have secretly harbored their sexual desires many years. In some cases it has literally ruined their life. I know that sounds extreme but it has and does happen. So going to your spouse might not be an option.

Another thing you need to consider is if this is important enough to bring into your already existing relationship. If you only think about kink now then maybe its best to leave it to fantasy. But if its an important element of your sexuality then you have to seriously make choices. Personally I could not imagine my life without kink. Being a dominant mistress is essential not only to my sexuality but my spiritual and emotional well being. But if I lived in a another country or was raised in a religious family I would feel conflicted, confused and fearful of someone finding out and being shunned.

I am not a fan of infidelity or lying, however there just comes a time when you have to look at all of your options.

[Lindsey]

Personally, I believe cheating is a very cut and dry concept.

If it's something that you would not do with your significant other standing right there next to you, it's cheating.


-L

[philo]

Personally, I believe cheating is a very cut and dry concept.

If it's something that you would not do with your significant other standing right there next to you, it's cheating.


-L

Oh dear I am going to be very constipated if I am to avoid cheating.

[lucky7z]

depends on the couple. Im currently dating long distance, we skype a lot and talk daily. Chat, webcam, phone, she doesnt mind because im honest if she asks. She feels like its healthy to take care of my fetish needs since long distance requires so much time without contact. But my point, its a case by case thing.

[Human]

Many of you know that I make a living offering phone sex and online femdom training. I've done this for maybe 6 years or longer. My calls range from quick T&D, fantasy and conversation. In fact I get a lot of calls from guys looking for advice and how they can incorporate their kink into their already existing lifestyle which includes a spouse who has NO interest or no idea.

I've talked to guys who have actually lost relationships over exposing fantasies and guys who's wives once dabbled then stopped or did it to shut him up. It seems that most guys have created an fantasy outlet outside of their relationship. Of course men masturbate to fantasy. I'm talking more about men who develop an entire fantasy life. Know what I mean?

So my question is - If your wife isn't interested or your relationship would be at risk, is it cheating when you call a phone sex mistress or engage in online sessions?

Thanks
Natalie

There was an awesome blog post on this that I just cant seem to find again.
Let us expand the activities to also include live sessioning with a prodomme.
Is it cheating? Yes. Is this cheating ethical? Yes.
If the guy has some kinks, but the wife does not, what are the options for the guy?
1. Murder his kink side, and be unhappy.
2. Tell his wife and burden her with this knowledge.
3. Cheat by sessioning and hide it from the wife.

Which option causes the least pain?

Someone might say, well the guy should not have married the girl in the first place.
This line of thought can be argued as follows.
A. They are already married. What is done is in the past. Divorce is going to cause pain.
B. There are way more guys with unsatisfied sexual needs and kinks then women. If these kinky guys insisted on only marrying kinky women, most would have to stay single. A huge punishment for being kinky.


Heck, another person need not even be involved. There are sissies who have to keep that side of them a secret, when there is technically nothing wrong with wanting to wear makeup and womens clothing. The wives would not accept that side. Is that then cheating when men hide being sissies?

[energy]

imo, Its not cheating as cheating in my interpretation is having actual sex with another girl.

Altough I do think mostly women will feel like its cheating.
Besides that in a relationship its pretty common for men to have a harder time telling your fantasies as its somehow a 'sign of weakness' and thats not accepted in society. Not by most females and males. So if you tell them anyhow, you are already really nervous as you let someone get close in a way. The great risk ofcourse is if your worst fear comes true. So most are caught between 2 walls and phonesex is the less risky wall to breach