Jana and Grace

[doink]

Just started-in to this tease. Gave up, until later, when I can really enjoy it. The reason I cut it off at the moment is because it's TOO MUCH WORK to read. Not just typos, which are forgivable. There are entire words missing. I find I must read and re-read everything in there. The reader has to fill-in what the author sloppily omitted. THAT'S not the kind of frustration a tease is supposed to produce! Great models, though. ---Doink.

[shybutsub]

Well I totally disagree with you, the tease was written in MS Word and spell checked and also was ran through by myself, I have used this website for a long time now and have read through loads of web tease so to be told that mine has

typos, words missing, what the author sloppily omitted is harsh, when I run teases I enjoy them for the content and images not just the mistakes, which i cannot find?? I have run it 4 times??

This was the best I have written and feel that I’m giving something back to Milovana community for all the teases that I have ran and enjoyed.

Thanks for the feedback and I hope you enjoy it in the end

[cumhardy]

Nice tease and HOT pictures. There were a few mistakes, Im not too bothered about typos and stuff but sometimes its hard to read when there isnt enough punctuation. For example in your tease:

You here a sexy voice shout the door’s open come in!it might be easier to read as: You here a sexy voice shout "The door’s open come in!"
it not that much of a big deal and I dont want to sound like I'm patronising you or anything like that. just a suggestion.

[doink]

You wrote: "...written in MS Word and spell checked..."

MS Word and the spell-checker cannot correct mistakes of grammar, syntax, or the use of the wrong homonym, which is confusing and distracting. Everything might be spelled correctly, in other words, but make no sense. I just now started to cut and paste a collection of errors in the text, but there are too many, including words where they simply don't belong, like prepositions with no object, for instance.

I understand it's impossible to proof-read your own stuff---not, at least, until some time goes by and you can re-read the thing "fresh." I will go back and try to enjoy the tease a third time, just because the models look so hot. Good choice, there. And maybe the "flow" and "sweep" of the tease is exciting, too. I just can't enjoy the thing the way you intended. It needs fixing. ---Doink.

[toybdsm]

Maybe I am wrong but don't you "hear" a voice call. Not "here" a voice call.

I wouldn't have noticed it much but when you talk about mistakes it does make it harder to read.

Now understand, I am not complaining. I haven't completed the tease. Started it mostly to check out the pics cause I only had a minute. Just reading this mostly. But if the feedback is about errors, I am just asking.

[shybutsub]

Thanks for all the feedback, I have decided to edit the tease and also correct the words and try and read through each page to make it sound more better as my goal is to make everyone happy going through it, the models are very nice and its a shame to let the tease down by some errors.

yes here should be hear and also there are some others I have found reading it this morning so lesson learned

I think my next tease will be written in the day and not when a person is tired

Hope you all enjoy it and I hope the edited version will be better?

Let me know what you think and if there are any other mistakes which page number/s?

Shybutsub

[ThirtyDaysOfDenial]

shybutsub, thank you for editing. I haven't read it a second time yet, but you seemed to take the criticism fairly well there at the end. I know it seems like pointless bitching when there are complaints about grammar and syntax, but the truth is we know a potentially great tease when we see one, and it's terribly frustrating when an otherwise great tease is ruined by having to re-read everything to make any sense out of it. So, errors aside, take that to mean you're a good tease-maker.

So again, thank you for the awesome tease and taking the criticism and then going back and fixing them!
Well done.

[cumhardy]

Nice. And also dont stress too much about the writing. If the grammar is a bit weird, I just pretend its a Polish girl

Oh and:

Now you must still have the dildo in and balls tied up, get onto the edge with 100 strokes and 100 spanks to your ass, 50 slaps to each ball and to finish look at our ass’s and grab a shoe and kick yourself in the balls.

CLASSIC